Punch (33.1857)

December 26 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

lot

After visiting the Cattle Show, Farmer Giles gets a " little bit o' dinner," dri/nkt
bottle of " red poort," and has a fearful dream in consequence.

A COMET IN A LAW COURT.

With all our depth of penetration, there are occasionally mysteries too deep for
us to fathom; and such a one we find in the following statement by the Daily
News reporter, in re a recent applicant to the Insolvent Debtors' Court:—

" This insolvent, a butcher, v?ho applied under the Protection Act, attributed bis appearance to
the bigh price of meat, and the loss he had sustained in June, wben the Comet was expected, by a
large quantity being spoilt."

Whatever the "appearance" of this butcher may have been, we are puzzled to
conjecture how, in any way, he could assign it to the causes which he mentions.
The high price of meat might undoubtedly affect the looks of many people, by forcing
them to total abstinence from that nutritious condiment, and compliance with the
dietary rules of Vegetarianism. The ruddiest of beef-eaters might show a change
in his appearance, were he driven by high prices to farinaceous viands, and lived a
month or two on cabbages washed down with toast and water. But we should
have thought a butcher was one of the last people to be forced to give up eating
meat, just as we should fancy that in case of any scarcity of coals, the last persons
to use wood would be the people of Newcastle.

But much as this may puzzle us, the second cause alleged is greatly more per-
plexing. How a butcher's meat can have been spoilt by the expectation of a
Comet, it really quite surpasses our imagination to conceive. We have heard
wondrous tales of the appendages of Comets, which we have generally regarded as
tails for the Marines ; but here we have a Comet appearing m a Law Court with
a tale of its destructiveness in bond fide evidence, and no doubt supported by a
host of affidavits ; it is worthy, too, of notice, as showing in the strongest light the
baleful influence of Comets, that the damage was occasioned not by actual approach,
but by mere expectation of the vagrant body. As coming events cast their shadows
before, so Comets, it would seem, are capable of damaging when merely in
expectancy.

Although we sympathise immensely with this unlucky butcher (who may thank
his stars, however, that he was not Comet-struck himself, as well as his large quan-
tity of meat), we can hardly be surprised at the upshot of his case, which resulted,
we are told, in an adjournment sine die; or, in other words, until the plea which he
set up should be capable of proof. In applying on such grounds for the protection
of the Court, the insolvent might as well have sued for its protection from the
Comet; and when next that visitor is currently expected, we should recommend
his seeking magisterial advice, as to how best to preserve his meat from being
spoilt by it. If it be thought that he would only show his weakness by taking

such a course, we consider that such imbecility would be
about on a par with the strength of his late argument, in
showing cometary cause why he was entitled to protection
by the Act. We know when men are pushed for reasons,
they often have recourse to forcible expressions, but really
this assigning one's misfortunes to a non-arriving Comet,
we can but vie w as an attempt to come-it much too strong.

SIGNS OE THE SEASON.

Dismantled now, the forest trees,

Are in the dreary case,
Since they have doffed their liveries

Of footmen out of place.
All bare, except the evergreens,

Their leaves which do not shed,
The gloomy paths of sylvan scenes,

My highiows, cease to tread.

Along the pavements now to pad,

It is the better way,
Where, whilst the groves are dark and sad.

The shops are bright and gay.
There let us muse upon the goods,

Which bid us understand,
As fully as the leafless woods,

That Christmas is at hand.

The butchers' to the pensive mind,

Impart a sweet relief;
There Meditation food may find

In lovely bits of beef.
And if perchance, a thought of gloom

May on the heart intrude,
We smile to think who can consume

All that amount of food.

The liuendrapers' also teem

With objects rich and rare,
Which lovely beings truly dream

That they shall shortly wear,
Burnous, and Bertha, and Visite

Of azure, white and pink,
You hear them cry, " Oh dear ! how sweet i

How charming ! Only think '. "

Nor do the sons of Crispin not

The wayfarer amuse,
See in their windows, what a lot

Of smart white satin shoes !
Approaching parties these portend

To every thinking mind ;
And thus, wherever we may wend,

Diversion still we find.

We see the grocers' windows piled

With raisins, currants, spice.
" My eye ! " exclaims the gazing child,

" How plummy ! Oh ! how nice ! "
And then a maddening thought there comes.

And rushes o'er the brain :
We wish, when we behold those plums,

That we were boys again!

Tests of the Passions

(By our Tame Misogynist).

To find out whom a child loves, make it a present, and
notice to whom it is most eager to show that present,
exultingly. To find out whom a woman hates—do exactly
the same things.__

The Hero of Millwall.

Mr. Brunei, is undaunted by the scoffs launched at iiih
launch. He may be observed, in the evenings, gazing
hopefully on the Leviathan, and ejaculating, like another
Galileo, Hpur se muove.

corn exchange.

Mr. Eisenberg is building a tower lor the express
purpose of calling it the " Tour de Nail."