DOI Heft:
October 31, 1857
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16620#0187
October 31, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 177
First Boy. " What docs he do with all them Whiskers?"
Second Boy. " Why, when 'e's got enough of 'em, 'e cuts 'em off to stuff 'is Heasy
Chair with I"
POMPEY ON TELEGRAM.
Tune. — "Sitch a gittin upstairs."
Oh ! hab you heard ob de row dere am,
'Bout dis here new word Telegram ?
De Cambridge and de Oxford School,
Boaf ob dem call de oder a fool.
Sitch a quotin' ob Greek, and makin' ob a riddle,
Sitch a quotin' ob Greek I nebber did see.
De word he may be foul Greek or fair,
Which him don't know and him don't care ;
But him sound more tickle dis nigger's ear.
Dan any him's heard for many a year.
Sitch, Sea,
De word him short, de word him sweet,
And berry pleasant to repeat,
Him 'zackly fit de nigger's lip,
And de debble may care for him scollumship :
Sitch, &c.
Derefore in Johnson jest you look,
When next him publish him spelling-book,
And dere I spects dere will be found
Dat lilly new word wid de lubly sound :
Sitch, &c.
De telegram a 'greeable name ;
Him wish him news may be ebber de same ;
De next we gets, widout no flam,
Him hope a berry good telegram:
Sitch, &c.
MEDICINE OF THE MONEY-MARKET.
By a telegram from New Orleans we learn, with con-
siderable alarm, that—
" The Money Market is feverish."
We suppose the fever is worse than a common inter-
mittent ; for we miss the additional intelligence that —
'' Quinine is riz."
On the other hand, nothing whatever is mentioned of
antimony and camphor-julep.
A LEADER FROM THE "STAR."
I We have great pleasure in giving extended publicity to the views of the ex-
peacemongers, as set forth in their Penny Daily Organ. The following is an excel-
lent specimen of the mode in which the Manchester-meD treat the Indian crit-is.]
The British dear newspapers continue to bluster, but we cannot see
that Old Havelock and Old Campbell are a bit nearer the crime
which is being urged upon them than they were months ago. Of
course, if a British officer mounted on a tremendous Life Guard's
horse, and armed with a sword, revolvers, and a lance, and sheathed
between an impenetrable cuirass and backpiece, rushes upon a few of
the Queen's half-naked subjects with dark skins, and they run away
to save their wives and children from outrage, the high-priced press
makes him a hero. We should like to know where in the Scripture
Life Guards are ordered to charge Hindoos, and yet we call ourselves
a Christian nation, and the writers in the Times very likely drive to
church in carriages.
As to " punishing " the Orientals, iiie insolence of the word is only
equalled by its absurdity. To punish is the act of a superior, unless,
to be sure, the word is taken from the brutalities of the prize-ring
which is so great a favourite with our aristocracy, and whose atrocities
are equalled in their fashionable schools, which the Quarterly parsons
laud. In that case "punishment" is a thing which either side may
get, and for all we can see, our dark fellow-subjects are as able to
administer it as our white ones. We do not profess intimate acquaint-
ance with the ferocious science of war, but we take it, that if a cannon
is laid properly, the ball will do equal execution, whether the gun be
fired by an Artillery Colonel or a Bumbasheeboo. Cannon-balls are
sad democrats, and won't listen to the gentlemen in Printing-House
Square, who would kindly direct them on their way.
Old Havelock is said to have fought nine battles, and as nine
tailors make a man, nine battles may make a hero. Mars covered nine
acres of ground in his fall, and our Indian Mars may have the same
luck. Of course, anything is called a battle when furious officers, with
hands red with gore, dismount in an infuriated state, and pen des-
patches. If we could read what the so-called rebels say about the
matter, we dare say that a good deal of the swagger would be taken
out of these victories. But if they are all they are said to be, we see
Arol. 33.
nothing in them to warrant exultation, because such victories imply
that the sword and violence are having it their own way. Far better
that the Indian Mars should be checked, and a Commissioner, say
Me. Milner Gibson, or Mr. W. J. Fox, be sent out to treat between
the belligerents. It may come to this, in spite of the vaunting of the
high-priced newspapers, for we rejoice to read that Nature would not
stay her hand to assist the fiend of blood, and that the Jumna, swollen
by rains from the Himalayas and the Mountains of the Moon, was
offering an obstacle daily becoming more formidable to the invincible
Havelock, or Havoc.
But if Delhi should be taken, which we pray may not be the case,
the very cant of the military trade ought to secure leniency to those
within its walls. They call it glory to defend a position. What then
must be the glory of those who could defend Delhi against the mira-
culous prestige of the English name, and against the thunders of the
English press. Had Delhi been Jericho, the brazen trumpets would
have had it down long ago. But we do hope that should Havelock
or Campbell, or whichever of these fiery old gentlemen is to have the
honour of ravaging a noble city, succeed in entering its walls, he will
bear in mind that if the so-called rebels killed some women and
children, they were equally ready to kill the terrible soldiers of
England, and therefore are e'ntitled to the tender mercies of the Pagan
code of war. Stupid as the military may he, they cannot fail to see
this, if all the lead in all the types of the Times were in their heads.
As for the writers in that journal, they are simply fools, knaves, and
idiots.
CHEVALIER EXTRAORDINARY.
A Gentleman who calls himself the Chevalier Lttmley de Wood-
year Lemley, has published an account of his distinguished origin
and magnificent titles, and therewith a statement that the Sardinian
Government had offered spontaneously to King Bomba to expel from
the Piedmontese territory twenty-six Neapolitan and Sicilian refugees, of
whose names he gives a list. This story has been contradicted by the
Government of Sardinia; it is, then, doubtless, the product of the
imagination of the Chevalier._ We apprehend that this inventive
Chevalier is a Chevalier of the industrious order.
6-2
First Boy. " What docs he do with all them Whiskers?"
Second Boy. " Why, when 'e's got enough of 'em, 'e cuts 'em off to stuff 'is Heasy
Chair with I"
POMPEY ON TELEGRAM.
Tune. — "Sitch a gittin upstairs."
Oh ! hab you heard ob de row dere am,
'Bout dis here new word Telegram ?
De Cambridge and de Oxford School,
Boaf ob dem call de oder a fool.
Sitch a quotin' ob Greek, and makin' ob a riddle,
Sitch a quotin' ob Greek I nebber did see.
De word he may be foul Greek or fair,
Which him don't know and him don't care ;
But him sound more tickle dis nigger's ear.
Dan any him's heard for many a year.
Sitch, Sea,
De word him short, de word him sweet,
And berry pleasant to repeat,
Him 'zackly fit de nigger's lip,
And de debble may care for him scollumship :
Sitch, &c.
Derefore in Johnson jest you look,
When next him publish him spelling-book,
And dere I spects dere will be found
Dat lilly new word wid de lubly sound :
Sitch, &c.
De telegram a 'greeable name ;
Him wish him news may be ebber de same ;
De next we gets, widout no flam,
Him hope a berry good telegram:
Sitch, &c.
MEDICINE OF THE MONEY-MARKET.
By a telegram from New Orleans we learn, with con-
siderable alarm, that—
" The Money Market is feverish."
We suppose the fever is worse than a common inter-
mittent ; for we miss the additional intelligence that —
'' Quinine is riz."
On the other hand, nothing whatever is mentioned of
antimony and camphor-julep.
A LEADER FROM THE "STAR."
I We have great pleasure in giving extended publicity to the views of the ex-
peacemongers, as set forth in their Penny Daily Organ. The following is an excel-
lent specimen of the mode in which the Manchester-meD treat the Indian crit-is.]
The British dear newspapers continue to bluster, but we cannot see
that Old Havelock and Old Campbell are a bit nearer the crime
which is being urged upon them than they were months ago. Of
course, if a British officer mounted on a tremendous Life Guard's
horse, and armed with a sword, revolvers, and a lance, and sheathed
between an impenetrable cuirass and backpiece, rushes upon a few of
the Queen's half-naked subjects with dark skins, and they run away
to save their wives and children from outrage, the high-priced press
makes him a hero. We should like to know where in the Scripture
Life Guards are ordered to charge Hindoos, and yet we call ourselves
a Christian nation, and the writers in the Times very likely drive to
church in carriages.
As to " punishing " the Orientals, iiie insolence of the word is only
equalled by its absurdity. To punish is the act of a superior, unless,
to be sure, the word is taken from the brutalities of the prize-ring
which is so great a favourite with our aristocracy, and whose atrocities
are equalled in their fashionable schools, which the Quarterly parsons
laud. In that case "punishment" is a thing which either side may
get, and for all we can see, our dark fellow-subjects are as able to
administer it as our white ones. We do not profess intimate acquaint-
ance with the ferocious science of war, but we take it, that if a cannon
is laid properly, the ball will do equal execution, whether the gun be
fired by an Artillery Colonel or a Bumbasheeboo. Cannon-balls are
sad democrats, and won't listen to the gentlemen in Printing-House
Square, who would kindly direct them on their way.
Old Havelock is said to have fought nine battles, and as nine
tailors make a man, nine battles may make a hero. Mars covered nine
acres of ground in his fall, and our Indian Mars may have the same
luck. Of course, anything is called a battle when furious officers, with
hands red with gore, dismount in an infuriated state, and pen des-
patches. If we could read what the so-called rebels say about the
matter, we dare say that a good deal of the swagger would be taken
out of these victories. But if they are all they are said to be, we see
Arol. 33.
nothing in them to warrant exultation, because such victories imply
that the sword and violence are having it their own way. Far better
that the Indian Mars should be checked, and a Commissioner, say
Me. Milner Gibson, or Mr. W. J. Fox, be sent out to treat between
the belligerents. It may come to this, in spite of the vaunting of the
high-priced newspapers, for we rejoice to read that Nature would not
stay her hand to assist the fiend of blood, and that the Jumna, swollen
by rains from the Himalayas and the Mountains of the Moon, was
offering an obstacle daily becoming more formidable to the invincible
Havelock, or Havoc.
But if Delhi should be taken, which we pray may not be the case,
the very cant of the military trade ought to secure leniency to those
within its walls. They call it glory to defend a position. What then
must be the glory of those who could defend Delhi against the mira-
culous prestige of the English name, and against the thunders of the
English press. Had Delhi been Jericho, the brazen trumpets would
have had it down long ago. But we do hope that should Havelock
or Campbell, or whichever of these fiery old gentlemen is to have the
honour of ravaging a noble city, succeed in entering its walls, he will
bear in mind that if the so-called rebels killed some women and
children, they were equally ready to kill the terrible soldiers of
England, and therefore are e'ntitled to the tender mercies of the Pagan
code of war. Stupid as the military may he, they cannot fail to see
this, if all the lead in all the types of the Times were in their heads.
As for the writers in that journal, they are simply fools, knaves, and
idiots.
CHEVALIER EXTRAORDINARY.
A Gentleman who calls himself the Chevalier Lttmley de Wood-
year Lemley, has published an account of his distinguished origin
and magnificent titles, and therewith a statement that the Sardinian
Government had offered spontaneously to King Bomba to expel from
the Piedmontese territory twenty-six Neapolitan and Sicilian refugees, of
whose names he gives a list. This story has been contradicted by the
Government of Sardinia; it is, then, doubtless, the product of the
imagination of the Chevalier._ We apprehend that this inventive
Chevalier is a Chevalier of the industrious order.
6-2