Punch (33.1857)

August 29, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 83

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

tjgttst 17. Monday. Lord
Campbell pictured Mr.
Alleyne, the founder of
Dulwich College, "start-
ing from his grave," and
signifying his approval of
the Dulwich College Bill,
as framed by the Lords.
So solemn an image of
course convinced the
Peers that they ought to
disagree with the Com-
mons' amendments, and
they did. The question is,
who shall be the governing
body—the Commons' plan
tending to parochialism.
The proposal to admit a
tew children of Actors to
the benefits of the charity
founded by an actor who
made his fortune on the
stage, has been entirely
rejected with the lofty con-
tempt characteristic of
Respectability. Later in
the week the Commons
resolved to stand by their
amendments, and Mr.
Knight roundly abused all the Dulwich fellows as robbers, and the
bill as "a compromise with the Devil."

The Commons began again at Divorce, and gentlemen amused them-
selves all the morning by conceiving every variety of scandal, and
setting each case before poor Sir Richard Bethell, to know what
lie would do with it. The debate would furnish a variety of invaluable
hints to French novelists and their English imitators. The same
remark applies to the nocturnal sitting, at which, moreover, by a very
large majority, was rejected a reasonable proviso, inserted by the Lords,
that cases where the details were offensive to public decency might be
heard in private.

Here let Mr. Punch interpolate a word to his contemporary, the
Morning Star, with certain of whose doctrines he is in the habit
of cordially disagreeing, and whose Peace-Idols he has had fre-
quent occasion to smash. There can be no question, therefore, of
Mr. Punch's sincerity, or of his lofty and superb chivalrous courtesy,
when he raises his hat, as he now begs to do, to the Star, in token of
recognition that the journal in question, on occasion of a recent and
most disgusting trial, came forth, alone of all the daily press, divested
of a report which made all the other newspapers unfit to be laid upon
the table at which Judy presides, and her daughters assemble. Sapiens
dominabitur Astro, by which we mean that every sensible editor ought
to take example from the Star.

The only other noticeable things in the Commons were, first, that
Mr. Vernon Smith, under cover of the battle-smoke, skulks from
bringing forward an Indian budget this year. He may go, for it would
evidently be, under existing circumstances, a mockery. Secondly, that
some canting clap-trap about a man's house being his castle was
idiotically advanced in opposition to a useful bill for preventing the
overcrowding of the dwellings of the poor—a bill for which it is stated
that the poor are most desirous. Mr. Ayrton, who, though too gar-
rulous, has some brains, (at least for a Metropolitan Member) talked
this rubbish. A man's house may be his castle, but if he makes his
moat a nuisance, it is all our eye to say we must not take that mote
out of our eye.

Tuesday. The world was delighted with the prospect of a row
between the two most amiable men in it, Sugden and Bethell, the
latter of whom had indulged in some caustic sarcasm at the expense of
a bill for protecting honest Trustees, which the former had prepared
with much care. Saint L. expressed his opinion of Sir R., and of his
"confidence," (Parliamentary for impudence) to-night, and the retort
was expected at the earliest convenient opportunity.

Lord Granville intimated to some grumblirg Peers that they
would have to sit until the Commons had done with the Divorce Bill,
and then to take the amendments into consideration, as Government
meant to pass the measure. There is really dreadful difficulty in getting
legislators, born or elected, to attend to their business. They will be
clamouring for an Early Closing Movement next, and placarding the
walls with, " Please make your Speeches before 7 o'clock."

The Commons on Divorce. The clergy gained half a victory, carrying
a proviso that they need not, unless they like, read the Marriage
Service over any person who shall have been divorced for his or her
offence. They desired to refuse marriage altogether to the guilty party,

but the lay mind saw impolicy and cruelty in this priestly demand, and
would make only the concession above mentioned. As there is a
Registrar in every district, whose certificate is exactly as good as that
given by the smirking parish clerk in the vestry, and generally much
more neatly written, the practical result of the alteration is infini-
tesimal. It is more pleasant to note that clause 54, abolishing the
Husband's Action for Damages, was carried by 78 to 46. It is, how-
ever, proposed to reserve a power to inflict pecuniary penalty in
certain cases.

The Crowded Dwellings Bill came on again, and more clap-trap was
talked. Mr. P. O'Brien gave Mr. Ayrton a very smart rebuke for
his dogmatic loquacity, and " Cox the attorney" talked some insuf-
ferable nonsense about Lord Palmerston, who, Cox said, " wanted
to play Wat Tyler with the people of England, but that they would
be able to find persons to play the tyrant against him." If one could
suspect an attorney of what Mr. Macaulay calls the "generous
vice," one would think Cox must have been at the Claret, but as
natural history negatives such a presumption, we must find another
method of accounting for his folly, and this is it:—

" The pert Billy Cox,

He is not an Ox,
Though you mayn't think him greatly above it;

But allow him his fling,

As the next mentioned thing
The commandment forbids us to covet."

Wednesday. The Impure Books Bill advanced, and the Committee on
the Divorce Bill finished its labours. Sir R. Bethell, taking into
consideration that a Church belongs in some measure to the parishioners,
and is not quite the parson's private apartment, introduced a clause
enacting that if one Clergyman did not choose to marry Divorced people,
another might be brought into the recalcitrant's Church to do it, and
this was carried by 73 to 33.

Thursday. It was explained to Lord Shaftesbury that the opinion
of the law officers of the Crown, on the Opium question, was, that the
East India Company had a right to grow it, and to send it to China.,
but perhaps they had better not. Lord Redesdale solemnly pledged
himself to oppose the Divorce Bill when it should come up from the
Commons.

In the last mentioned place the last mentioned bill received some
amendments, chiefly affecting the property of married women, and
Lord Palmerston made rather a spirited speech upon the national
defences, which he considered would be quite satisfactory, provided
our big ships were not sent away. The clamour against the Crowded
Dwellings Bill, and the evident intention of its opponents to defeat it
by delay, induced Mr. Cowper to withdraw it for the present, which
he did, with contemptuous observations on the character of the
opposition.

Friday. Punch is happy to say that his friend Lord Campbell's Bill
against bad books passed the Commons in a state which was satis-
factory to its parent, who professed his delight. Lord Monteagle
took an opportunity of praising the Chancellor of the Exchequer
most highly, and of declaring that our financial policy was opposed to
all common sense. Lord Redesdale withdrew his solemn pledge to
oppose the Divorce Bill, but professed himself in a dreadful rage at
the way the screw had been put on by the Government.

Lord Palmerston, in answer to Wiscount Villiams, (we vary the
spelling in compliance with a requisition from some of his lordship's
vassals,) stated that no application had been made by France for ex-
tradition of refugees, and if it had, we had no power to hand them
over.

Mr. Punch cannot more pleasantly conclude his week's resume than
by announcing that, amid loud cheers, the Divoice Bill passed the
British Commons.

Superstition.

A Worthy friend of ours, but who is imbued with very strong pre-
judices against the Irish, says that the failure of the Atlantic Telegraph
Cable may be entirely attributed to the fact of its having started from
Ireland. He alludes to the well-known habit of improvidence among
the Irish, and asks the Directors, how, with the system of "paying
out" that is generally pursued in Ireland, they ever could expect to
make both ends meet ?

an old saw new set.

We venture a new translation of " Be mortuis nil nisi bmum ; " " Let
us have no monument of the dead but a good 'un." At present we
seem capable of anything but a good 'un.

Right for Once.—Mr. Vernon Smith produces no Indian Budget
this year. He is right. We want to hear of only one Indian Budget—
the Sack of Delhi.