Punch (33.1857)

September 12, 1857.1 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 105

IRRESISTIBLE.

John Thomas. " Get away, Boy—Get away, Boy ! "

Boy. " Shan't ! and if ybr don't let me Ride, I 'ix send tiiis 'ere Mud
over yer Calves !"

MISTRUST OE THE MILITIA.

" Come, now, my boys, who '11 serve the Queen ? :

The stout Militia Serjeant cried.
" Whoy, all on us ; but how much green

Dost thee zee here, old chap ?" replied
A countryman, and, like a clown,
He pulled one lower eyelid down.

" All that you says is very fine,

I dares say you believes 'tis true,
I,should be glad enough to jine ;

But mind, I baint a gwiun to,
Afore 'tis made quite sure to me,
That I be to be kep faith wi'.

" I've heer'd o' men as went abroad;

Promus'd they wos, I wun't say what;
But when agin this land they trod,

Ten shilluns was the most they got.
Ten shilluns only was the sum :
And then they said, 'Be off' to 'urn.

" No fear but what they made it out
In black and white, all smooth and square,

So much stopped for this here, no doubt;
And so much owun for that there :

The end on't wos that they wus done :

Which I don't mane to be, for one.

Then how about the Transport Corps,
They talks of, and the Army Works,

And I forgets how many more.
As went to help they blessed Turks ?

All them have been sarved, up to now,

Except the Jarman Legion, how ?

" If I was sure 'twou'd be all right,
I'd list this moment, ees, and willun ;

But otherways this cock wun't fight,
Nor never trouble thee to drill 'un.

I '11 sarve my Queen and country true ;

But not if I bain't sarved so too."

Five Words to the Witty.—Never joke with stupia
people.

NEWSPAPER CUTTINGS.

Session and season being over, the London Correspondents of the
Provincial Press have, of course, left town for their estates, their
yachts, or Foreign Courts; consequently the journals are "hard
up" for those wonderful and instructive scraps with which a sub-
editor, by plundering the "London Letter" of a contemporary,
lightens and garnishes a column of heavy matter of his own. Mr.
Punch, in the most kindly and generous manner, hastens to the assist-
ance of his eollaborateurs, and subjoins a quantity of "little bits," war-
ranted new and authentic, which they may snip off and stick in when-
ever they please, and, as usual with most of them, without mentioning
the source.

Under which King, Bezonian ?—As it is nearly one hundred years since
George the Third came to the throne of these realms, few persons now alive have
lived under more than four sovereigns, viz. :—the above venerable monarch, his
son George the Fourth, well known for his extravagance and obesity ; William,
the Sailor King, and Her present Gracious Majesty, now on a visit to the northern
part of this island. Mr. William Gommery, of Enfield, is an exception to this
rule, having, unconsciously, lived under six English sovereigns. Thrust into the
roof of his house, between the wood and the tiles, was discovered on Tuesday last,
what had probably been placed there for concealment, and forgotten, namely, a
purse containing the above amount.

Lord Macaulay.—This nobleman, elevated to the peerage on account of his
literary merits, is the only peer of the realm whose father's name began with the
last letter of the Alphabet, we need hardly mention the letter Z. Lord Macau-
lay's father's name was Zachary.

You Mat well Say That.—The Recess is always selected as the period for
repairing London houses, for this reason. The occupants of such houses being
usually out of town at that time, they are not exposed to the inconvenience which
they would otherwise undergo from the presence of workmen. Mr. Cox, of
Einsbury, walking, the other day, along a street in which several houses were
fronted with scaffolding, exclaimed, " I wonder when London will be finished ! "

Advantage of Punctuation.—Punctuation, that is the putting the stops in the
right places, cannot be too sedulously studied. We lately read, in a country paper,
the following startling account of Lord Palmerston's appearance in the House of
Commons. "Lord Palmerston then entered on his head, a white hat upon his
feet, large but well polished boots on his brow, a dark cloud in his hand, his faithful
walking-stick in his eye, a menacing glare saying nothing. He sat down."

Her Majesty's Wit.—It is said that during his absence on the Rhine, H.R. H.
is under engagement to keep a diary of his adventures, and to transmit it to his
Royal parents once a fortnight. The usual packet containing it was brought in to
the Queen the other morning by Princess Alice, who exclaimed, " Mamma, here's
Edward's Dairy." "Better take it to Papa's model farm, my dear," was the
Queen's prompt and laughing reply.

Anecdote of C. Barry.—"With whom, Sir Charles, after all, does the sin of
the delay in finishing the Houses rest?" asked Wiscount Villiams, meeting the
great architect in Palace Yard. '' I don't know about the sin," replied Sir Charles,
"but," he added, pointing up to the glittering Clock Tower, "there's the gilt."
The noble Wiscount has been occupied ever since in trying to understand what waa
meant, but had not succeeded when our Reporter came away.

Yankee Spite.—A variety of American drinks are now to be procured at a city
tavern. Among them are liquids having the euphonious titles of Gum-ticklers,
Neck-twisters, Kangaroo, Brandysmashes, and so on. The Anti-English party
in America avail themselves of these inventions to give utterance to their desire of
wopping England. They say to one another, " Let's lick her."

Change of Name.—We understand that Miss Madeline Smith has changed her
name to Madeline Vernon, partly in imitation of her namesake, Mr. Vebnon
Smith (who has dropped the Smith in his family), and partly for fear she should be
supposed connected with a gentleman who has made such a mull with India.

WONDERFUL HAUL.

Frank went out fishing one day last week in the neighbourhood
of Scarborough.

This is what our friend Frank caught during ten hours' untiring
application:—

1 Grayling,

2 Tench,

25 Sticklebats,
1 Old Boot (sans sole),
7 Tadpoles,

1 Envelope to letter (much torn—
address not legible),

1 Dead Cat,

1 Hatful of Watercresses (alias " Brooi
Lime "),
11 Caterpillars, in Ditto,
3 Worms, in Ibid.
1 Cold (in the head).
1 Scolding (from his wife)

In addition to the above, there was also " 1 Pint of Boiled Shrimps • "
but it is strongly suspected that Frank bought the latter as he was
coming home.

Vol. 33.

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