Punch (33.1857)

104

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[September 5, 1857.

" FOREWARNED, FOREARMED "

Mb. W. Williams (the incorruptible Membei
for Lambeth) directly he heard that there was to
be a new creation of Peers, rushed out of the
House, leaving word with the servant that " he
had gone out of town, and it was quite uncer
tain when he would return." He was most
particular in impressing upon John (his faithfvL
flunkey) that, if any one with Lord Palmer-
ston's livery inquired for him, he was, undei
no threat, or bribe, or persuasion whatever, tc
let him know he was probably to be found in
the Exeter Change Arcade. Up to the last
minute of our going to press, we have received
no intimation of the honourable gentleman
having been the least disturbed in his hiding
place.__

Indefinite Parties,

A Curious question might arise under the
J new Divorce Act. Suppose two divorced parties
: choose to be married oy banns, how are they to
be described ? They are not bachelors and spin-
sters, neither are they widowers and widows;
; in fact they are indescribable. Practically, this
difficulty is not likely to occur. Divorce is still
! too dear for those low people who are obliged to
be married by banns.

~~ #gfe> ^fet jM I^^^^^^B^^^QsN^^S^^^g^CSfc^^p^ extraordinary lea?.

~"~ s ^ajgjj^nB j^^^^^^^^^^^E^v^^S^^^v^ j \ All the gymnastic performances of the Circus

___________ ^\^f, ill i'"'1" _L V WWlil? '^*^^?^^^^^'^J^^>,^^,^^^iE:'i v;e have ever reac^ °f are outdone by the achieve-

^-^^ ^^B^s^g^^^^^^^^^^^^,-^^^- _^ S^SM^^"™^^ | ment of a young lieutenant, mentioned in the

:xl, ' - ' \ Report on Purchase in the Army—who leapt

! over the hearls of seventeen officers. His name
COMMON OBJECTS AT THE SEASIDE. vrasM<?*DowB.__

Boy. "Oh! look here, Ma! I've caught a Fish just like those thingamies in my fHE Divan.—The place where the Sultan's

Bed at our Lodgings!'' pipe is regularly put out by the European powers.

SOAPY'S BRAVADO.

Much anxiety is expressed in many quarters to know what the
Bishop of Oxford will do, now that the Divorce Bill has become the
law of the land. What he said he would do is thus reported in the

Tines:—

" They would observe that the clause did not affect the Bishop ; and he avowed
before their lordships, that if he knew of one of these hired interlopers coming in
the way he was here permitted to do to enter a church, he would meet him at the
door with an inhibition, and suspend him from his office."

If the bishop is as good as his word, the public will have a fair
chance of being edified with a good old mediaeval row in front of some
church in the diocess of Oxford. The bishop and his retainers will
plant themselves before the church-door, prepared to resist the entrance
of the " interloper " coming to perform a marriage-service which the
incumbent has declined to celebrate. The prelate will be armed, if not
with his pastoral staff, with a common walkingstick, and the attendant
officers will carry similar weapons; except the beadle, who, we may
suppose, will shoulder a mace. Prepared for opposition, the wedding
party will perhaps have secured the services of a body of police; and
the consequence will be, a collision between the constabulary staff and
the crosier. Of course, the secular power will soon triumph, and the
vanquished prelate and his discomfited vassals will be walked off to the
nearest Magistrate's. If the justice happens to be a Low Churchman,
or if his principles are opposed to spiritual tyranny, he may think
himself called upon to deal summarily with the case, and, as a fine
would be no punishment to the receiver of an episcopal income, to
commit the right reverend Samuel and his myrmidons to gaol for
assaulting the police, and obstructing them in the execution of their
duty.

But, though Brag is a good dog, his bark is a good deal worse than
his bite, and we do not much expect that the right reverend Samuel will
verify, on any church-threshold, the warning, " Cave Canera," which
he has addressed to anticipated interlopers. We shall be very
much astonished if he even resigns his bishopric, and refuses to
preside any longer over a see in which he will be unable to prevent
the performance of marriages which he has declared to be contrary
to Christianity. "John Oldcastle died a martyr; but this," like
Falstaff—if we may be excused for comparing Samuel to the fat
Knight—" is not the man." At least if he is, Samuel is not the man
we take him for.

PITY THE POOR SEPOYS !
%L ILag of ILobe ano (Kmtlmess.

Oh ! be not too hard on the poor mutineers,

Though your women and children with torment they slew,
Though we dare but to whisper their deeds in your ears,

Don't punish them more than 'tis needful to do.

Though they slaughtered your kindred, not wholly like sheep,
Because with fell outrage and fiendish device,

Be content for their errors to sit down and weep,
If tears will to hinder such errors suffice.

If a gentle rebuke, if a tender appeal,

Will render those cruel and cowardly sons
Of Moloch sufficient examples, a deal

'Twere better than blowing them off from your guns.

Do not hang your black brothers—to woman and child
Though they did all that devils could ever invent—

If by means more affectionate, gentle, and mild,
You can others deter, and cause them to repent.

Oh ! pray do not hang them, provided they dread
Any doom more than death bv the gallows and rope;

If you know any such, it will fall on the head
Of each infamous wretch of a Sepoy, we hope.

Devotion to One's Doctors.

The amiable homceopathist, Lord Robert Grosvenor, is made a
peer. He might have been an Earl, but he stipulated that the Boluses,
which are stuck on the spikes of an Earl's coronet, should be reduced
to Globules. The heralds would not stand this, so he is only Baron.

the complete indian letter-writer.

Too much letter-writing has been one of the curses of the Indian
Government. Nevertheless, to any rebel who can be reached, a,t the
present crisis, we should certainly " drop a line."