Punch: Punch (36.1859)

March 12, 1839. j

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

107

THE REFORM BILL.

DONE INTO HIAWATHAN VERSE BY MR. PUNCH.

If you question, if you ask him
What about this new Reform Bill,
Just brought in by Ben Disraeli,
fluent, mocking Ben Disraeli,
In fulfilment of the pledges
Given by him, and by Lord Derby,
Fluent, mocking Earl of Derby,
When last year they entered office ?
Punch will answer, Punch will tell you
That the Bill has seventy clauses,
Not to mention certain schedules.

If you ask him, if you question,
Who, in case this Bill's adopted,
Will, of all this British nation,
Have the right to vote, at poll-bootli,
For the candidate aspiring
To be chosen and elected
To the English House of Commons ?
Punch will answer, he will tell you,
Those he's now about to mention.

He, with forty shilling freehold :

He who is the happy owner

Of five pounds of other tenure :

Or shall occupy, as tenant,

Aught of ten pound yearly value :

Or shall occupy apartments

(Here 's the clause to let in lodgers)

For the which he pays the moderate

Sum of twice four shillings weekly,

Or of twenty pounds per annum.

He whose stock, (or Bank or Indian)

Brings its owner ten pounds yearly,

He whose pension (army, navy,

Civil or uncivil service)

Is what's called a twenty-pounder:

He who in a bank of Savings

Sixty pounds hath wisely hoarded.

He, a graduate of a College,

He, a clergyman, established,

He, a minister dissenting,

He, a barrister, or pleader,

He, a proctor, or attorney,

He, a doctor, (quacks excepted)

He, a certified schoolmaster,

And all other men, if any,

Qualified by the Reform Act

Passed by Grey', Brougham, and Russell.

These are those to whom Lord Debby
Gives, or else preserves, the franchise.

If you further ask or question,
What is in some fifty clauses,
Next ensuing numeration
Of the various coves, or parties,
Who will henceforth have a franchise ?
Punch will answer,' Punch will tell you,
You may go and read those clauses.
Those who do not like can lump it.
All that verbiage (as it seemeth)
Is what statesmen call machinery,
Not affecting you, sweet reader.

But, if you make further query,

(As you will do, if inquiring,

Intellectual, patriotic,

Nil humani alienum

A te putans) What great feature,

Principle, or point of party,

Is involved in this Reform Bill,

Planned by the inventive Derby,

Published by the daring Dizzy P

Punch must answer, Punch must tell you,

That the Bill is, rather wisely,

Framed of Compromising order,

Doing much that's good and proper,

Greatly pleasing neither party,

Greatly riling all the ultras ;

And the British Lion slumbers,

Spite of everybody's poking:

Long in pace requiescat.

For the boroughs and the counties
We have now a different franchise.
But this Bdl, of good Lord Derby's,
Makes in both the franchise equal,
This, unto the ultra-Tories
Seems an awful step and horrid,
Tearing down the Constitution,
Letting in a revolution,
Such the awe and such the terror
This proposal hath excited,
That the good and gentle Walpole,
And the good and growling Henley,
Both have jumped clean out of office ;
Just as in the nursery legend,
Moses and his brother Aaron

In a pot were set a-boding,

Whence, the legend adds, meek Moses

Straight ('ere hot was Aaron) jumped ou:.

Fifteen boroughs, now returning
Each its" brace of members, hencefortn
Must put up with half that number.
If, before, they've sent two thin men,
Let them now elect one fat man,
Thus the self-same weight preserving
In the English House of Commons.
Fifteen seats, thus rendered vacant,
Unto places are allotted
Which it seems want representing.
When he states that one is Gravesend,
With its shrimps and snobs and slippers,
Punch might be received with jeering
(But that well he wields a cudgel),
'Tis the truth, and no mistake, though.
Where, oh, where is Baron Nathan,
Here's his seat, by Baron Rothschild r

Henceforth, freeholders in boroughs
Cease to have a vote for counties,
This displeases Lord John Russell,
Who, besides, proclaims his anger
That the Bill does next to nothing;
For, he says, the working classes :
So declare both Bright and Roebuck,
Who are bent on giving battle.

Needs not waste your time and Punch's
On a scheme of Voting Papers,
Meant to save some folks the trouble
Of attending at the hustings,
Or a scheme of polling-places,
Or on divers other details :
You requested general knowledge
Of the Bill which mocking Dizzy
Introduced on Monday, speaking
Just three hours and fifteen minutes ;
And the gracious Punch, delighted
To diffuse such information
As may lead to make the crisis
Plain to even the least enlightened—
Williams, Sbooner, Cox, or Hadeield-
Hath supplied you this description,
Daisied with his star-bright fancies.
Thank Mm, touch your hats, and hook it.

SLOW EETURNS AND SMALL PEOFXTS.

Whenever, by an accident, a Minister lets fad a sensible remark,
Mr. Punch is always pleased to preserve it for posterity, encased, like
a fly, in the amber of his type. As a specimen which he thinks fit to
add to his collection, Mr. Punch from a month's sjjeeches has picked
out the piece following:—

" Sir C. Napier asked when the return of deserters, moved for last session, would
be laid on the table of the House.

" Sir J. Pakington said : he hoped his answer would be borne in mind by hon.
gentlemen on both sides of the House. The return of deserters could not be pre-
pared at the earliest in less than two months from this time. Six clerks had been
•employed upon it ever since last August, and it would cost the country not less than
£500. Perhaps he ought to take blame to himself for having granted the return.
Had he been aware of the cost and labour, he should certainly not have granted
it. (Hear.) He hoped hon. Members would abstain as much as possible from
pressing for returns involving an amount of expense by no means commensurate
with their value or utility. (Cheers.)"

To this reply of Sir John Pakington's Mr. Punch would fain give
credit on two separate accounts. Mr. Punch would first commend
the manly conduct of Sir John, in condescending to confess that he
"perhaps" had done amiss, and ought to blame himself for doing so.
It is so new to hear a statesman volunteering to condemn himself, that
one really, at first thought, can scarcely tell what to think of it.
The novelty is charming, but it also is alarming: and one almost fears
Sib, John " doth profess too much," when he professes himself doubt-
ful if his conduct be not censurable. If such self-scepticism as this
becomes a precedent, it will clearly be the death-blow to the British
Constitution. It is the right divine of Governments to go wrong;
and whoever doubts this axiom saps a bulwark of the State, and
lays a train to blow up both the Lords and Commons. Who will

undertake to fill an office under Government, if, when he finds
himself in fault, he is expected to degrade himself by deigning to
acknowledge it ?

The other cause for commendation which Punch finds in Sib. John's
speech is, the hint which he throws out in the matter of our blue-books.
A'iewed as touching their expensiveness, these blue books are our black
books; and all who wish for the reduction of the national expenditure
must echo Sir John's wish to see the rage for them abating. The
causes of the mania may easdy be fathomed. The Member for Great
Muff borough wants to get upon his legs, that his constituents may see-
he is "attending to then interests." So he moves for a return of the
number of mutton-chops which are consumed per week at Bellamy's ;
or of the numbers of the cabs which for the last half-score of sessions
have stood upon the stand contiguous to the House; or for the returns
of any other matters which appear to him as being of like nationa.
momentousness. To catch a Minister asleep, needs (just after dinner)
no such wary watching; and without being " aware" of the expense of
the returns, in a moment of unconsciousness he nods assent to granting
them. Punch trusts, then, that the hint which his friend Sir John has
dropped wdl be laid to heart verbatim by all honourable Members; and,
to ensure its bearing fruit, Punch would beg leave to suggest that in
future any Member moving for returns should, if then "expense be not
commensurate with their value or utdity," be personally liable to have
to bear the cost of them. Wrere Punch returned for Parliament, Punch
would move for a return of the returns which have been granted, where
this reasonable rule might have with justice been enforced. As a tax-
payer, Punch feels purse-onally interested in the matter; and as his
literary tastes do not "incline" so "seriously" as to tempt him to
read blue books, Punch objects to the collection of slowly-made returns
which, for the most part, are attended with remarkably small profits.