Punch (37.1859)

November 12, 1859.]

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

201

SIR PETER NOT HIMSELF AGAIN.

N Ass once showed his long
ears through a borrowed lion’s
skin; and the animal that Dog-
berry desired his clerk to write
him down, still now and then
appears in the misfitting robes
of Justice. In proof whereof
the following is a case in
point:—■

A boy is brought before Sir
Peter, charged with an alleged
attempt to pick a pocket. No
witness appears who can de-
pose to the offence, and the
ground on which the prose-
cutor solely rests the charge
is, that lie fancied “ he felt a
pull at his coat pocket, and on
turning round he saw the
prisoner behind him.” On the
other hand there is abundant
evidence adduced that the boy
has for a long time borne the
best of characters, and his
master says that when the lad
was taken into custody he had
in his possession a quantity of
gold leaf “ which he might
have stolen had he been that
way disposed.” Nevertheless,
SinPETERthreatens to remand
the boy to Newgate for some
days, but is deterred by the “ great sensation ” in the Court, in manifest disapprobation of
his threat. The master being guarantee, the boy again appears at the bar of the Guildhall;
hut, for reasons of his own, the prosecutor does not make a re-appearance, and it is shown
that he not only has given in a false address, but that he is in the habit of preferring

untrue charges. Sir Peter is obliged then to
dismiss the boy, but it very clearly goes against
his grain to do so, and as a parting benediction
he lets fall this remark :—

“ Remember, bon, & w your good character that has saved
you ! ”

“Saved you,” forsooth! Saved from what,
pray, good Sir Peter? Saved from being, by
your blundering, sent wrongfully to Newgate?
If this be what you mean, you misstate the fact,
Sir Peter. It was not the lad’s “good cha-
racter” that saved him from injustice. You
turned your deafest ear to this plea in his behalf.
It was the outcry in the Court to which alone
you listened. Well, well, Sir Peter. We are
none of us, you know, so young as we were once;
and your deafness to the calls of common sense
and common justice may doubtless be assignable
to your length of years. Still, if ever we be
falsely charged with picking pockets, all we can
say is—Save us from Sir Peter Laurie !

PRO BONO RE-PUBLICO.

In Switzerland, we read that the expenditure
of the country is at the rate of 5s. per indivi-
dual. Of course, we never expected that in a
republic any one would have gone in for a sove-
reign, even in the way of taxation; but the
strangest thing is that, without a single sove-
reign, there should be such a multitude of
crowns, for if you poll the entire population, you
will find that there is precisely a crown to every
head. The tax-gatherer, whose duty it is to
carry the national hat round, could not make
things fit more nicely. In England it does not
stop at the crown, but every one is taxed head
over ears.

THE BRASS BAND BURGLARS.

Every now and then when Parliament is up, and sub-editors are
verging on despair for want of “copy,” we see extracts from old
journals stuck into the newspapers to refresh us as to what went on a
hundred years ago, and remind us how much better we are off than
were our forefathers. One of the many points wherein our better-
-offishness is specially paraded is the fact, that owing to our excellent
police, our persons and our purses are less subject to attack, and our
houses and our streets kept in much greater security. If we chance to
•stop out late, there are no Mohawks now o’ nights to bully us; and
we can come home from our clubs at any hour we please, without a
fear of being knocked down and half-murdered by a foot-pad. More-
over, when we go to bed we can sleep in peace and comfort, undis-
turbed by any dread lest our house be broken into. A 1, we feel sure,
is at the corner of the street, if indeed he be not supping in our very
kitchen; and with such a cherub sitting up to watch for us, what
nonsense it would be to feel nervous about burglars.

To show, in fact, how thoroughly our safety is protected, and how in
■every way a Briton’s house is now his castle, we need but cast a glance
at the following Police case, which a day or two ago was reported in
-the papers -.—

“ Marlborough Street.—John Summerlad, a German, one of a brass band of
•musicians, was charged before Mr. Bingham with persisting in playing an instru-
ment of music in Queen Street. Mayfair, after he was required to desist, in conse-
quence of illness, and with assaulting Dr. Robert Temple Frere, Physician, No.
i), in that street.

“ Dr. Frere said, the defendant and others planted themselves in front ol his
house at seven the previous evening, and commenced playing instruments of music.
His mother being seriously ill in the house, he sent his servant to require them to
• desist. The answer being that they had been paid to play, and should not give over
without being paid more to do so, he went himself and told them to stop, and the
-reason there was for doing so. The defendant, who was the most prominent, still
refused, telling him he had no power to prevent their music. They had for about
half a minute ceased, and then began afresh. In vain he begged of them to give
over, and while they played the defendant in particular became exceedingly abusive,
telling him he knew English law better than he did, and no one had a right to stop
them. While looking for a policeman they played out their tune, and he followed
them into Chesterfield Street, where they re-commenced. While here the defend-
ant impudently told him he should not have his share unless he went round with
the hat. Here they did not stay long, and he on the look out for a constable, fol-
lowed them still, they every now and then running up against and hustling him ;
the defendant, with the long legs of a music stand under his arm, swinging the
same out and aside, so as to knock him on the face with them, of which he, hurt at
the time, had the mark remaining. To protect himself from this violence he with
his hand pushed him off, and the defendant purposely fell, and then charged him
with knocking him down and doing damage to his instrument to the extent of six
guineas. At this moment a policeman came in sight, and he gave defendant into
custody.

“The defendant, in reply, said he had only been a fortnight in London from Hessen,
in Germany, and four days back joined the band. He then read a paper in his defence.

in which he said he was at a loss to understand why he had been fixed on as the
chief offender, for he did go when the rest went, and was thrown down by the com-
plainant, and had his instrument crushed in the fall; that the Magistrate would
doubtless consider him as the injured person, the complainant having dealt out his
osvn law by upsetting him, and that he looked now for the Magistrate’s protection
as a foreigner of recent arrival.

“ Mr. Bingham, having explained the law to the defendant, sentenced him to pay
a fine of 40s., or be imprisoned for a month.”

This case, we repeat, is taken from the papers, not of a hundred
years ago, but of scarce a fortnight since. It proves, as .we have said,
bow much we have advanced in point of street-security; and those
noodles who affect to admire the good old times, may take comfort in
reflecting that, after all, our progress in such matter is not. great.
Notwithstanding the invention of gaslight and police, bands of highway
robbers still infest our streets, and steal away our comfort, if they
cannot filch our cash. If we are ill, and just dozing off to sleep,
like Macbeth, they “ murder sleep; ” if well, and just sitting down to
work, they plant themselves directly underneath our “study” (!)
window, and, unless we pay them hash-money, blow our brains out.

We think then that such ruffians as John Suhmerlad aforesaid
should be charged with something more than merely an assault, when
detected in such acts as those above narrated.. To break, into a house
for the purpose of extracting money from its inmates,—if this be not
“ flat burglary,” we should like to know what is : and we think that
burglars should alike be punishable, whether they go to work with
crowbars or trombones. We trust when Parliament next meets, there
will be a due revision of the law upon this point. We should like to
see our Magistrates empowered to deal summarily with culprits like
this Summerlad, and enabled to convict them of a crime not short of
felony whenever, as in bis case, the burglary was proved to be accom-
panied by violence. Meanwhile, worthy Mr. Bingham has our thanks
and kuSos for turning his deaf ear to the said beggar’s petition, and
paying no heed to the “ paper ” which he read in his defence.

SONG BY A SURGEON.

Take, take, blue pill and colocynth:

Hey, Sir ! your liver is much out of order.
Take, take, rhubarb and aqua mentli.:

Close on acute inflammation you border.
Symptoms about your bead,

Make me congestion dread,

When I take them with the rest in conjunction;
Leave off wine, beer, and grog :

Arrowroot all your prog,

Let organs rest to recover their function.