Punch (44.1863)

March 14, 1863.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

ill

AT IT AGAIN !

Scene— A Hatter's Shop.

Enter a Gentleman.

Gent. Here, Mister Gluepot, I’m afraid
I must return the hat you made.

Hat. Return my :at, Sir! Why, Sir ?

Gent. It

Unfortunately doesn’t fit.

Hat. Too easy, p’raps. I ’ll set that right
In hall’ a minute.

Gent. ’Tis too light.

Hut. Oh, no, Sir, uo ! If you’ll permit
My judgment,’tis a perfect fit.

Gent. Perfect! My forehead ’s blue and red !
Hat. Some swelling, surely, in the head ?

I made your hat the proper shape.

And twenty inches by the tape.

Gent. It cuts me here.

Hat. I can’t help that;

lour head, Sir, ought to fit the hat.

Gent. But, see, your hat is nearly round ;

My head’s elliptical.

Hat. I ’m bound

To own it isn’t as it ought.

Gent. The hat ?

Hat. The head. Sir.

Gent. Why, I thought

That hats were made to fit the head ?

Hat. ’Tis oftener the reverse instead.

If people will have heads so square.

No mortal hatter can prepare
A shape that shall exactly suit,

Until the head’s accustomed to’t.

You ’re twenty inches by t lie tape ;

And so’s the,’at. And as for shape,

The ’at ’s kerrect. Your head will fit.

When you have made it give a bit.

Gent. The hat P

Hat. The ’ed, Sir.

Gent. If it long

Thus tortures me ?

Hat. There’s something wrong

Somewhere. But I mhist tell you flat,

The fault. Sir, isn’t in the hat!

[Exit Gentleman, thoroughly convinced, and
ashamed of his head.

SO TIRED!

The following touching
Resolution was come to at
the last meeting of the Great
Western Company, and is
advertised in the papers:—

“ That tlie Great Western Com-
pany requires rest.”

We can have no objection.
Let the weary rest. Bur,
their notion of rest seems
odd. They propose to have
“ an early election of new
directors.”

An election at any time,
and especially early in the
morning, is the last thing
we should associate with
rest. We should have
thought the best thing for
a wearied railway company
to do would be to lay them-
selves down along their own
line, as Sleepers. But as
they please. We shall al-
ways read G. W. R. for the
future as meaning Great
Want of Rest.

Cruel.

A Glasgow Critic, no-
ticing one of Mr. Charles
Kean’s Shakspearian per-
formances, succeedsin reach-
ing an intensify of spiteful-
ness which is not at all
creditable to the writer as a
man, a Christian, or a Glas-
wegian. We reproduce the
words only for the sake of
reprobating such needless
bitterness of sarcasm :—

“ It will suffice to say on this
occasion, that the actor was
throughout equal to himself."

A ROYAL LETTER—THE KING OE DAHOMEY
AND SIR JOSHUA JEBB.

His Majesty to Sir Joshua.

“ Medicine Man,

“ Our Foreign Secretary informs us, that for some years past
you have been labouring to discover a remedy for an affection of the
Moral System, now very prevalent in your benighted country, called
Grabbing. The symptoms of that malady I learn are these: Two or
three apparently robust men are suddenly seized while tvalking in the
public streets with convulsions. Instinctively, to avoid falling, they
clutch at the objects nearest to them, preferring for that purpose, a
throat and a time-measurer. In the Hospital under your care, you
have many of these Miserables, and various modes of treatment I learn
have been resorted to without arresting the disorder—a generous diet
—warm clothing, and well ventilated apartments being the principal
curative agencies employed.

“ In our dominions we have a large number of these Invalids, and we
generally find some prompt and easy means of stopping the malady
before it comes to a head.

“ If we are rightly informed/a sea-voyage has been recommended for
your patients, but you are puzzled in selecting an eligible sanitary
retreat at a convenient distance from their friends. If you would like
to try the air of Dahomey, which tends, as all our physicians admit, to
accelerate the circulation, we shall be glad to receive as many of your
valetudinarians, as you are inclined to forward, and we may safely say
that you will be spared all further trouble and anxiety on their account.

“ Dahomey Pt.”

Sir Joshha to His Majesty.

“ SlBE,(

“ Your tender concern for my poor Patients lias moved me
almost to tears. How true it is that we often find more sympathy in
strangers abroad, than in our dearest friends at home ! Your Majesty

is right in saying, that I have been strongly advised to take my Patients
away from the locality where they at present languish, notwithstanding
the abundant supply of nutritious meat and vegetables which are daily
provided for them. The fact is, they require recreation rather than
rest. A spacious cricket-ground—a tennis-court and a bowling-green
would be highly appreciated by them, though some probably would
prel’er wild duck and snipe-shooting—luxuries I fear not even to be
dreamt of in this parsimonious age. The difficulty of finding a
salubrious place of retreat is all but insuperable. The Isle of Wight
has been suggested by one or two kind people. Madeira by others, but
vulgar prejudices must be respected, and the natives of both those
Islands seem absurdly apprehensive of contagion. I would therefore
gratefully accept your Majesty’s offer, but fear, from what I have read,
that your climate, suitable as it is for persons of strong constitutions,
might be too warm for individuals so morbidly sensitive as the Grabbers,
whose infirmities we all unfeignedly deplore. I will, however, consult
my friend Sir George, and if he thinks the experiment could be safely
tried, I shall have great pleasure in transmitting you a few of the most
serious cases that have lately come in.

“ Allow me to subscribe myself, &c.

“ J. Jebb ”

“ P.S. Since writing the above, I have seen Sir George, but he
questions whether our indoor Patients are strong enough to bear the
fatigue of so long a voyage, and informs me to my extreme regret, that
the nobleman who lately filled the post of Foreign Secretary under vonr
Majesty’s Government, is now for ever disqualified from holding office,
being a little bit off his head.”

American News.

Mr. Barnum’s diminutive couple will probably visit England this ')
summer. Report says that the Thumbs have engaged a couple of
Finger-Stalls at the Opera.