DOI issue:
October 7, 1865
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16876#0147
October 7, 1865.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
135
Chorus, fortissimo.
Vengeance! Vengeance!
Where is the Oppressor?
Of our wrongs
Where is the Redressor?
Hungry and thirsty, and on the board.
Are solid viands covered and stored,
Appealing ) For the Passengers’ use.
to Visitors. j So there’s no excuse
For them.
Cashier (aside, uncomfortably). Ahem !
All {solemnly). There’s no excuse for them !
[Drums. Trumpets. The High Priestess descends.
Mrs. Gorgeous (contemptuously). What means this noise ?
Invisible Chorus from Ladies’ Coffee-Room {moaning ly).
Hear us! we plead !
Our wrongs !
Where is the Manager!
Chorus in Gent’s Coffee-Room {as before).
We will tax him on the spot!
Fetch here the Manager,
Much to say to him we’ve got.
Vengeance! Vengeance!
[Exeunt all, pianissimo, through the glass doors, the Waiters commence
clearing away as Curtain falls.
Pnd of Act III.
ACT IV.
Scene I.—The Hall as in Ad II. All the Passengers are complaining
to the Grand Cashier. The Grand Waiters and some timid Visitors
stand aloof regarding the Scene. Grand Chambermaids, Housemaids,
and Waiters on the different landings, as bffore.
\st Pass. (furiously). My dinner never can I get,
Nor breakfast have I ever ate
Just, at the time I ordered it.
And that’s my case.
All {emphatically). And that’s j j case.
Andante.
Pad Pass. Last night it was half-past eleven,
I’d dined (but not here, Sir,) at seven.
I entered your house on supper intent,
Before to my Bed-room (the fourth floor) 1 went.
I asked for a sandwich, of ham or of beef,
Or even a biscuit by way of relief.
Or butter and bread for my daughter.
No eatables were to be had, as they said,
So my child and myself must go fasting to bed,
And they offered us but soda-water!
All. Shame! Shame! Alas! Alas!
Things have come to a pretty pass.
Vengeance ! [The Cashier smiles, irritatingly.
Basso profondo.
?>rd Pass. But the head waiter says there’s a waiter whom
You should always find in the Coffee-Room
Till half-past twelve ; yes, on purpus,
For folks as may come from the terminus,
All Passengers {half-daunted). We wish to complain, &e., &c.
[Here follow the complaints.
Mrs. Gorgeous {proudly). Complain ! complain ! it cannot be !
Like it, or leave it. There’s you see
But one alternative. But you, I tell.
That no one complains in the Grand Hotel.
Cashier, Waiters and Officials {cheering up). The Grand Hotel! The
Grand Hotel!
We won’t have complaints in the Grand Hotel.
All Passengers {despairingly). The Manager! where is he ?
Mrs. Gorgeous (superciliously). You cannot see him. He is away.
All. Redress ! redress !
Mrs. Gorgeous and Cashier (sarcastically). Oh, yes ! oh, yes !
[Cashier laughs aside. Assistant Grand Cashier chuckles.
Finale.
All. Away! away! j" We 1 Will not stay!
I He J
We’ll ] f Our 1
You’ll >Pay ( Yours > Bills, and hurry away !
He’ll J L His J
Hark ! we hear the distant station bell,
Farewell! a long farewell, to the Grand Hotel.
The Grand Ho-tel!
Mrs. 1st Pass, {soprano ad lib.). Iio-o-o-o-o-tee-e-e-el,
Ah!
All {with crashing finish). The Grand Hotel!
[Grand Porters seize luggage, Cashiers receipt bills, Mrs. Gorgeous
waves her hand, and ascends, a la Titiens as Medea, in the Lift,
far above the threatening Passengers, who vainly menace her
from below, and is gradually carried out of sight, probably into
the presence of the Invisible Manager, as on the Grand Finale the
Curtain falls.
UNANIMOUS TO A CRINOLINE.
Lady Clibton has been presented with a testimonial subscribed for
by eight thousand of the women of Nottingham. We do not allude to
the mere fact of the testimonial as anything very extraordinary, because
in these days testimonials are to be had almost for the asking; but
what we consider the most wonderful part of the business is, the rare
circumstance of its having come exclusively from ladies, and the still
rarer circumstance of so many as eight thousand ladies having all agreed
together for the same laudable purpose. Rarely has such unanimity
been known before, and especially towards one of their own sex ! No w,
if the object of admiration had been a gentleman, we can readily point
to a distinguished individual, who would undoubtedly achieve an equal,
if not a far greater success even than Lady Clifton herself. That
happy individual, we need not say, is Mr. Punch. He has conquered
so many hearts, that he could almost cry that there is not another one
left to conquer.
“ Register ! Register ! Register I ”
WrE have at last found out the hitch, the particular flaw, that so
snappishly interrupted the flowing career of the Atlantic Cable. The rea-
son of its circulation being suddenly stopped was, that, it had never been
properly “ registered for transmission abroad.” We hope the Directors
will repair this defect previous to the next issue of their interesting
periodical, which, like other serial stories, always manages to break ofl
when we are most interested, leaving us to be buoyed up, as best we
may, with the oft-repeated promise of “ To be Continued in our Next.”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
135
Chorus, fortissimo.
Vengeance! Vengeance!
Where is the Oppressor?
Of our wrongs
Where is the Redressor?
Hungry and thirsty, and on the board.
Are solid viands covered and stored,
Appealing ) For the Passengers’ use.
to Visitors. j So there’s no excuse
For them.
Cashier (aside, uncomfortably). Ahem !
All {solemnly). There’s no excuse for them !
[Drums. Trumpets. The High Priestess descends.
Mrs. Gorgeous (contemptuously). What means this noise ?
Invisible Chorus from Ladies’ Coffee-Room {moaning ly).
Hear us! we plead !
Our wrongs !
Where is the Manager!
Chorus in Gent’s Coffee-Room {as before).
We will tax him on the spot!
Fetch here the Manager,
Much to say to him we’ve got.
Vengeance! Vengeance!
[Exeunt all, pianissimo, through the glass doors, the Waiters commence
clearing away as Curtain falls.
Pnd of Act III.
ACT IV.
Scene I.—The Hall as in Ad II. All the Passengers are complaining
to the Grand Cashier. The Grand Waiters and some timid Visitors
stand aloof regarding the Scene. Grand Chambermaids, Housemaids,
and Waiters on the different landings, as bffore.
\st Pass. (furiously). My dinner never can I get,
Nor breakfast have I ever ate
Just, at the time I ordered it.
And that’s my case.
All {emphatically). And that’s j j case.
Andante.
Pad Pass. Last night it was half-past eleven,
I’d dined (but not here, Sir,) at seven.
I entered your house on supper intent,
Before to my Bed-room (the fourth floor) 1 went.
I asked for a sandwich, of ham or of beef,
Or even a biscuit by way of relief.
Or butter and bread for my daughter.
No eatables were to be had, as they said,
So my child and myself must go fasting to bed,
And they offered us but soda-water!
All. Shame! Shame! Alas! Alas!
Things have come to a pretty pass.
Vengeance ! [The Cashier smiles, irritatingly.
Basso profondo.
?>rd Pass. But the head waiter says there’s a waiter whom
You should always find in the Coffee-Room
Till half-past twelve ; yes, on purpus,
For folks as may come from the terminus,
All Passengers {half-daunted). We wish to complain, &e., &c.
[Here follow the complaints.
Mrs. Gorgeous {proudly). Complain ! complain ! it cannot be !
Like it, or leave it. There’s you see
But one alternative. But you, I tell.
That no one complains in the Grand Hotel.
Cashier, Waiters and Officials {cheering up). The Grand Hotel! The
Grand Hotel!
We won’t have complaints in the Grand Hotel.
All Passengers {despairingly). The Manager! where is he ?
Mrs. Gorgeous (superciliously). You cannot see him. He is away.
All. Redress ! redress !
Mrs. Gorgeous and Cashier (sarcastically). Oh, yes ! oh, yes !
[Cashier laughs aside. Assistant Grand Cashier chuckles.
Finale.
All. Away! away! j" We 1 Will not stay!
I He J
We’ll ] f Our 1
You’ll >Pay ( Yours > Bills, and hurry away !
He’ll J L His J
Hark ! we hear the distant station bell,
Farewell! a long farewell, to the Grand Hotel.
The Grand Ho-tel!
Mrs. 1st Pass, {soprano ad lib.). Iio-o-o-o-o-tee-e-e-el,
Ah!
All {with crashing finish). The Grand Hotel!
[Grand Porters seize luggage, Cashiers receipt bills, Mrs. Gorgeous
waves her hand, and ascends, a la Titiens as Medea, in the Lift,
far above the threatening Passengers, who vainly menace her
from below, and is gradually carried out of sight, probably into
the presence of the Invisible Manager, as on the Grand Finale the
Curtain falls.
UNANIMOUS TO A CRINOLINE.
Lady Clibton has been presented with a testimonial subscribed for
by eight thousand of the women of Nottingham. We do not allude to
the mere fact of the testimonial as anything very extraordinary, because
in these days testimonials are to be had almost for the asking; but
what we consider the most wonderful part of the business is, the rare
circumstance of its having come exclusively from ladies, and the still
rarer circumstance of so many as eight thousand ladies having all agreed
together for the same laudable purpose. Rarely has such unanimity
been known before, and especially towards one of their own sex ! No w,
if the object of admiration had been a gentleman, we can readily point
to a distinguished individual, who would undoubtedly achieve an equal,
if not a far greater success even than Lady Clifton herself. That
happy individual, we need not say, is Mr. Punch. He has conquered
so many hearts, that he could almost cry that there is not another one
left to conquer.
“ Register ! Register ! Register I ”
WrE have at last found out the hitch, the particular flaw, that so
snappishly interrupted the flowing career of the Atlantic Cable. The rea-
son of its circulation being suddenly stopped was, that, it had never been
properly “ registered for transmission abroad.” We hope the Directors
will repair this defect previous to the next issue of their interesting
periodical, which, like other serial stories, always manages to break ofl
when we are most interested, leaving us to be buoyed up, as best we
may, with the oft-repeated promise of “ To be Continued in our Next.”