Punch (59.1870)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARTVART.

[August 27, 1870

"FAR GONE!"

Convivial Old Gentleman {parting, as he thinks, from his Frtiend who has seen him home). " Don't make shuch a Sstranger o'

y'pshelf, ol' F'ler !—never Shtan' 'ton Sherem'ny 'th me, y' Know !--Always gla' t' shee yer !-An' mtnd yotj bring

Mishish !-Loo' here ! What d'ye shay t-" [Carried indoors by his Friend.

HARD TIMES. EArERYTHING BY TURN.

Mb. Punch finds the following pleasing advertisement in the Church ! "The "Woman's Suffrage Association of the State of New York met at
Times:— | Saratoga [very appropriate place] on the 2Sth. of July. The Eev OLYiiriA.

..., „ it, , - /> .,,1 Brown, iu addressing- the meeting, insisted that woman can do all the duties

■q£'.* ^.JlK.^^^.^ll.^Li^n:}?'*!"*-^ iinposed by citizenship, even to going into the field in time of• war.. She

stated that in the rebellion several women, entered the ranks, and gave their
lives in battle."

H

clergyman. Strict disciplinarian, accustomed and willing to birch.
■Liberal terms ; sings in choir.

If this were inserted merely with a view of terrifying that evil boy—
•why—let it pass. The suggestion that he is to be made to sing out
•elsewhere than in the choir is amiable. That he can sing there, and
yet is naughty, shows that church music, at all events, hath not charms
to soothe the savage breast. But we hope the Flogging Parson who is

This about completes the picture of the Modern Woman. She only
wanted to be an Amazon to make her perfect. Merely to be a Vivan-
diere no longer satisfies her desires ; merely to tend the sick and the
wounded seems but a poor outlet for her masculine energies. She feels
(at least, according to the Rev. Olympia Brown) that she must do
wanted is an imaginary being, lhe sternest Head-Master is not far more thaa this_that she must throw down the scissors and the

'willing" to inflict castigation. On the whole, Mr. Punch suspects a
"'sell," but what irreverent creature could put a sell into the Church
Times? Perhaps, as Dit. Johnson said: "The dog's a Dissenter, Sir."

THE DUTIES OF NEUTRALS.

Never to neglect an opportunity of interfering between husband
and wile.

Never, on any account, to allow lovers to settle their own quarrels.

To be prompt in volunteering advice, especially disagreeable advice.

Always to be ready to give an opinion as to a lady's age.

To make a point of differing from Mamma, in every particular, when
•she nraises baby.

When Major Thunderclap declares that the Army was never in a
worse condition than it is now, and Mr. Rosehew insists that it is in
•the highest possible state of efficiency, to disagree with both disputants.

To plunge into all street-rows

darning-needle for the sword and the needle-gun; dou a becoming
uniform, follow the drum, serve as an artdlery woman, enter the sister
service, and generally share in all the horrors and sufferings, rewards
and honours, of battle and bloodshed.

News, News, News!

The war and nothing but the war-

Crambe repetita !
Very bad at such a time

To have to be a fighter.
But worse to be a reader.

And, worst of all, a writer!

Hattic Wit.

Mrs. Ramsbotham was told of a Hat which is constructed with an
Needlessly to take part in squabbles between relations. i "air chamber." Her instant remark was, "I thought all ats was hair

Generally, to meddle in other people's business, and to neglect their J chambers leastwise unless the Party were bald which the moral is the
own. I same."