Punch (59.1870)

November 26, 1870.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

221

LATEST FASHIONS.

Augusta. " 0 Ada, bear, what a sweet Hkad-Deess I "Where did you Get it ? "

Ada. " It's quite New, dear. It only Arrived to-day from Paris in a Balloon, or by Balloon-Post."

TWO SECRET DESPATCHES.

My Dear Yon Granville, Versailles, Nov. 21.

We—Prussians—were not in your Crimean War, at leasr, not
openly. Had we been engaged, I flatter myself that at Treaty-time
our representative would have saved you from a blunder, of which you
are now going to enjoy the result. You took no material guarantee
for the observance of Russia's engagements. So, she breaks them at
the first convenient opportunity, and small blame to her. I think that
(D. V.) we intend to be wiser in dealing with a little matter to which
1 need not more pointedly invite to your Excellency's notice.

Receive, &c.

To the Lord Granville. Von Bismarck.

Dear President, St Petersburg, Nov. £ 1870.

Now is your time. Send word to England that you must
have a cheque for the Alabama claims, and an abject apology, by return
of post. I think it possible that she will hesitate. Then out with >our
fleet, and that will keep her too much occupied to meddle in the Black.
Sea. In return, you will have Egypt, Pyramids, Sphynx, and all, as
soon as we have garrisoned Constantinople. E would promise you St.
Sophia, as the hall to an American Oriental University, but my August
Master has a " fad," and wants the church for himself. Go ahead, and
show that our vaunted friendship meant business.

Very much yours,

To the President Grant. Gortschakoee.

The First Much Preferred.—Some people have a voice and
won't sing ; others will slug without having a voice.

AN OX.

The musical world will have read with interest the subjoined
announcement in the Times:—

Conscience Money.—The Secretary of the Inland Revenue has received,
by the collector of Langbourn Ward, from " B. 0. S.," half-notes for £30,
on account of Income-tax.

It may occur to some musicians that half-notes for £30 on ac-
count of Income-tax, will, when re-united to their other halves, amount
to what is familiarly called a pretty tune. This consideration may
suggest to Income-tax payers, that if the pipe of peace should be
broken with Russia to the tune of some hundreds of millions, they
alone will have to pay the piper. In that case, anybody who pays any
more Income-tax than he can help, and voluntarily sends any money
"on account" of it to the Chancellor oe the Exchequer, or the
Secretary oe the Inland Revenue, may well sign himself
" B. O S." His name would be Bovis in the genitive case ; he would
be a beef-headed fellow, and a Blessed Old Simpleton.

A Crying: Evil.

"The nuisance of the newsvendors is extreme, and must, before long, call
for police regulation."

This was written of an Italian city, but it applies with equal force to
one much nearer home—London, where deafness will soon be con-
sidered rather an advantage than an affliction, if successive (and
often superfluous) editions of the daily papers continue to be allowed
to be proclaimed with exasperating raucity and aggravating fre-
quency; a nuisance rapidly growing into one almost as great as the
street organ, but which some of us fancy might be brought under
police regulation.