Punch (59.1870)

244

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[December 10, lft7!

STRAWBERRY LEAVES.

A. SELECTION mom the VERY LATEST LETTERS OF THE HONOURABLE
HORACE WaLPOLE, OF STRAWBERRY HILL. FAVOURED BY ocr
PRIVATE SPIRITUAL MEDIUM.

To Sir Horace Mann.

Bless your innocence, my good Sir ! So you congratulate me ou
having addicted myself to tea in au evening, and are pleased to be
facetious at the idea of Mk. H. W. distinguishing himself at a tea-
party. My dear child, I forgot how long you have been out of Eng-
land. It is-iu the afternoon lhat we, nous autres, take our tea, when

we visit ladies and acquire scandals from them. Coffee is certainly \ What you tell me about the domestic warfare between Mr. and

know, however, a woman who thinks nothing about her children's
legs being viciously kicked in this way, but who quite howled when I
applauded Judge Byles for ordering the cat to a garotter's shoulders.

Please admire Boh Lowe, though Lord llolmesdale says he is the
most hateful man in England. A sham letter, purporting to be from
some artisans, was got up, complaining that Robert, as Master of the
Mint, starved them, by rtfusing to coin certain silver for a Colonel
Tomline, their employer. Lowe answered that it was not his busi-
ness to buy silver which the Queen did not want, that there were
plenty of people ready to buy any amount, and that a yokel whose pig
a butcher declined to buy, did not say that the butcher starved him by
refusing to buy his pig. 1 fancy that Silver Pig will squeak in the
House one of these nights.

handed round after dinner, and none but fools take it, the object, of | Mrs. X does not surprise me. Pely upon it that the wives of men
the attention being to display the huge silver tray, which the host may j who have always been weU off are kept in much better order than the
have inherited from his fathers, or picked up at his unHe's. It is an I wives of men who have had to fight their way up aftei marriage. Tn
affecting sight to behold a great big-bearded heavy officer, at one of j the battle the two have been on so equal a footing that if one takes the
the afternoon symposia, fidgeting over a tea-cup, and desperately command afterwards, it won't be the man. To say nothing of his.
groping therein for an idea to help out his gallant conversation. But memories of troubles which they have shared, and which render him
1 forgot again; you believe in big officers. I never disturb a man's indulgent, unless he is a brute. But he who can make a settlement,
superstitions. | can make a row, and therefore it is seldom necessary for him to do so.

We have been electing a School Board—now, don't ask me to j * have not any news for you—1 mean the sort of news you like to
explain to you all about it, because 1 never could explain anything in [ tell in the salons. You should invent it, as you want it, the foreigners
my life. 1 honour the Hibernian who stated that the way to cast a , know nothing about us. Yes, you love Kings, and I suppose, Queens,
cannon was to take a long hole aud pour brass round it. We are to j Well, Queen Emma, of the Isles of Sandwiches, is not gone ad majores,
have a sort of School Parliament, to vote primers and birch—no, by I °nly some kind of dowager. 1 believe Her Majesty to be a very
the way, the latter is an aristocratic luxury, a duke's son is birched, a i worthy person, and L am glad she is well. 1 hope that, her lady-of-
cheesemonger's has a lecture read to him on self-government and his i honour, whom I saw with her at the Royal Academy, is also well, for
duties to the State. London has chosen her men, and women. Two ■ so colossally beautiful a personage 1 never saw before or since. If the
of the latter have got in, and I do not see why they should not prove '. Academicians had had a grain of my taste, they would have pre-
the best members One of them, a delightful lady, a friend of mine, sented a petition begging the lady to sit for Judith, Jael, or Proser-
and a Doctor of Medicine, headed everybody by a terrific majority. 11 pi'ie. But perhaps they had never heard of either, and she certainly

sent her this on one of our halfpenny cards, and probably you will
think the verses just worth that sum :—

" In medical language, Miss Garkett, we 're sure,
Can by skilled 1 Exhibitions ' aieoniplish a cure ;
Now, deeper she '11 go, and 'with Pinnocka and Priscians,
Teach Scholarship how to obtain Exhibitions."

would not have come well into a scene from the Ficar of Wakefield.
That's all, but if your Countesses wautnews, tell them that the Arch-
bishop of Canterbury is daily drawiug nearer towards Rome. It is
quite true, look at bis itinerary.

Madame de Girardiu sajs that fidelity is a luxury, for it is time lost.
1 love luxury, and beg you to believe me ever,

1 need not tell you, who know something of British fanaticism, that Your failulul Servant,

there has been furious war over the selections, and that the Sects have . Horace VValpole.

fought like Sinners. One very worthy old lady protested against the ,

Arabic numerals beiug taught, in the Schools, having heard, as she! httr vnilPiTTOKlSTS

said, that, the Arabians were some kind of Mahometans. But, being a u jujuoaiiuimoio.
sound Protestant, she allowed that this was better than anything -^^^Sv ^^^\ AN we extract from

Roman. a(f(ji&i^-X:. ff ^ the names of tfi

Do not ask me about wars, the word sickens Die. 1 am thinking of rW^^^^^^-'' \\ newly elected mem-

giving up all my newspapers, until Janus slams his door. Everything iJSSt^I^^ky X^~_^ bers of the London

that a civilised being can take an interest in is excluded for details of ---"^3fe ^jpjffilisL Education Boardany

gleams of hope and
crumbs of comfort

the savagery. I believe a paper that would shut out all war news,
except the curtest record of the fall of a city, or of a dynasty, would be

gladly welcomed. Good Heaven, my dear Sir, docs not the world go .sEt@§ for the future F Let

round, with all its wonders; and are we to close eyes and ears to l^Mga^^j Sill us see. The City of

everything except the chronicle of gigantic murder ? However, 1 sup- Jllllliilll^ JBKk^PIIwL^JL London is faithful

pose that this must be coming to an end, and 1 dare say musicians are filllMElIjCfr' To an a^erillau— tuat;

busy over a new Te Lea,a. A new one, indeed, is wanted—but you ^^^^^^^^■HHH^^^HAp4^'L' alderman will Coi-

do not care for my moralities—aud 1 dare say are at this present fiat on ^^«K>^O^BHMMll^^jaMiL I ton to his work. In

your stomach over a big map, sticking m pins—of bine and red wax— ~:sl§l§iKByiil^ a Cromwell Chel-

with the eagerness of a witch working at a charm—qua movere cereas ^^^^i^^m wiA^^^^KU^S^E^k &ea ^as secu.ree^ a

imagines. Lor shame, my dear Sir. Surge, carnifex! iralllHffiB /b^jMM|HPi^^^mK^. Protector ; _ in a

You have no children, and 1 have none, which is a comfort for many •■y4-^B Vwll .V'^B^SMBItS^^jSfc Ereeman, it may

reasons. But my non-paternity does not prevent parents from con- vJjK j^^3^gBr*l|HHHB be an advocate of

suiting me about, the education of their valued offspring, and you know y^^^aL^a '; 'ifiK%Jl§l£ft '^SmBsr gratuitous teaching,

bow grave I can be on compulsion. Lately 1 have, been much asked ■^^OTs^a^g^ ■K^'^I^BK^fej^^l ^ mav he an un-

whether boys ought to be allowed to play at loot-ball. This seems a ====i^^^i ^^%tff^^^^^^^r pledged, unfettered

simple query, but, my dear Sir Horace, do you know to what, our v ^jSiff^^ffif^^' """ representative. Well

exquisite civilisation has attained ? There is a game largely played at "^Av^^^r^yl M done, gallant Green-

our schools—to judge by the boys' letters, it is the final ca^e of edu^a- ^^^^^r^^^^^^r wich, and gallauter

tion,—and it consists in a savage scramble for a big ball. To play this -™sE3iS^*=ssS5 \ " - Marylebone ! Your

game properly, a lad furnishes himself with a thick boot, with a horribly "SR^ chivalry will be re-

acute tip, sharpened, that the kick may be more brutal, and the dear warded : Emily

delight of our young athletes is to kick one another's shins untd they Davies and Elizabeth Garrett will not be the least useful mem-
are a mass of blood and bruises. The amiable operation is called | bers of the new Council. Hackney is leaning on a Reed—a bold
hacking. Cornish wrestling clowns used to be denounced as worse \ experiment, but likely enough to succeed: this division, fortified by
than brutes for this practice some years ago, but now it is the charming i Shekidan's well-known interrogation, " What's in a name ? " and dis-
amusemeut of our highly-bred young gentlemen. Its chief seat is at j regarding the natural fears of youth, ventures on a Grossman, who
Rugby. One would pity the poor, proverbially hungry Rugby boys— will probably turn out one of the most amiable men at the Board, and
perhaps, like Palamedes, they forget their hunger iu a game,—but! has also taken care to select a Piekf un. In Lambeth Stiff was at
they despise one's pity, and declare that their sport is the noblest, ! the head of the poll by a great majority, so all jokes about the contest,

manliest, refinedest, gloriousest thing in the world, and the servum
pecus echoes them. I am not a milksop, but the sight, of a stalwart
young fellow kicking the shins of a child till the tears came to its
eyes, would not much delight, me. 1 thought the process was con-
sidered almost harsh when it was' employed as the only means of
successfully cross-examining a Nigger witness in the West Indies. 1

being a stiff one are null and void : of the other successful candidates
in this borough Pew had of course the fewest votes, but still ten
thousand take a long time to count. The names of the members
for the remaining Metropolitan constituencies do not appear sugges-
tive, but Westminster supplies the indispensable Smith, and a very
good workman he will make.