Punch (61.1871)

218

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[November 25, 1871.

UNEARTHLY MUSIC.

E have not the slightest
chance against Ame-
rica. All competition
with that advanced
country is waste of
time. We are invari-
ably distanced. The
other day a musical
box was advertised for
sale in London which
played "102" tunes.
That seemed a re-
markable effort, and
well worth noting ;
but how inferior is
this musical box to
another musical box,
which now stands in
one of the rooms in
the Hotel in New York
where a Russian Grand
Duke is to be lodged,
and has bells,' drum,
castanets, and "celes-
tial voices!"

Probably, but this
we are no^f told, these
" celestial voices " are

in connection with Transatlantic Spiritualism. If so, our own
Spiritualists must be ready to sink through the ceiling for envy
of their more favoured American brethren ; for we are not aware
of any "celestial voices" having been heard to issue from that
favourite instrument of home spirits—the Accordion.

THE WATCH ON THE TYNE."

Mocking, our forefathers used to say, is catching. We may say,
in like manner, striking is catching too. Or, if that is not fine
enough language for these days of advertising and auctioneering
English, suppose we put it thus: that strikes for the advance of
wages are morbid phenomena whose causation may be referred to
the prevalence of a contagious disease. That such is, in fact, the
case, however we may word it, is clear from a contemporary's
statement of what has happened at—

" A Town without Police.—A strike of police at Newcastle has caused
great inconvenience in that town, a number of roughs having taken advantage
of the deficiency of constables to commit serious assaults. At an inquest held
on Tuesday at Newcastle, the Coroner said, that in the present state ef the
Police force, it was not very safe to go about unarmed."

The disease of striking has evidently been caught by the Police at
Newcastle from the Engineers. It is true that the strike of the latter
ended some weeks ago ; but the seeds of their malady may have either
been communicated to the Policemen before then, or else more lately,
during the Engineers' convalescence, when, as some say, contagion
is most influential.

The consequences of a Police Strike being about the worst that
could possibly happen, it is much to be lamented that there are no
medical means either of disinfecting workmen on strike, or fortify-
ing a Policeman's system against the noxious principle which they
exhale whilst in that condition, and perhaps some time afterwards.
All that can be done, when the strike-poison has once been imbibed,
is to retard the outbreak of the malady ; which might be effected by
a regulation binding every man who enlists in the Police force to a
certain term of service, or obliging him, if wishing to resign .the
truncheon, to give notice of sufficient length to enable Society to
provide itself, in time soon enough for filling the place of its retired
defender, with a new Bobby.

Courts of Law or Love ?

On one point, the proceedings in the Court of Oueen's Bench
relating to Epping Forest arouse curiosity without satisfying it.
There appears to be " the Swainmote, or Court of the Swaines," and
also a " Court of Attachment;" but we are left in the dark as to the
nature of the attachment, or whether the swains inspire it. Perhaps
faithless swains, who have rendered themselves liable to an action
for breach of promise within the boundaries of the Forest, are judged
in one or other of these ominous Courts by the " Verderers," assisted
by Me. Ayeton, who, it seems, monopolises what there is left of the
ancient jurisdiction of " Justices in Eyre."

THE LAND OF MISRULE.

Centtjeies of misrule must, of course, be supposed to account
satisfactorily for an acquittal by an Irish Jury, in the face of law
and evidence, of a prisoner indicted for murdering a Policeman.
To the same cause also we may doubtless refer the jubilation of the
Dublin multitude on the escape of the accused, and the demonstra-
tion which, according to the Times, they made, as follows :—

"When the acquittal of Kelly became known in Dublin on Friday evening
an immense crowd assembled in front .of Me. Butt's house to testify their
satisfaction at the result. Their cheering and shouting brought1 out Mr,
Butt himself, and Mr. Palkiner, his associate in the defence of the prisoner,
who addressed the mob in a few brief words, the propriety of which, is not
open to question."

The advocate of Home Rule and Kelly, thus, as well as his col-
league (not to say associate), appears to have considerately abstained
from the expression of any triumph in the impunity of political
assassination. Nevertheless:—

"Mr. Butt concluded amid a tremendous outburst of cheering, and we
read that ' the crowd then proceeded towards Hardwicke Street, the scene of
the occurrence which led to Kelly's trial, and,- after another manifestation of
feeling there, dispersed.' "

The Times fails not to point out that "the place of Talbot's
murder is euphemistically described, in one of the most respectable
journals of the city, as ' the scene of the occurrence which led to
Kelly's trial.' " But what then ? No doubt if that highly respect-
able (Irish) newspaper had to mention the place in Manchester where
a Policeman was shot by certain Fenians, who were therefore hanged,
it would, in deference to the feelings of its delicate readers, describe
the spot as "the scene of the occurrence which led to our country-
men's martyrdom." Doi not centuries of misrule fully account for
this Irisb/way of writing and talking and thinking P Are not cen-
turies of, misrule quite enough to explain the sympathy of an Irish
mob with any criminal whose crime was prompted by hatred of the
misrulers' posterity ? What if the posterity has put an end to the
misrule ? Phoo ! They have put Rule in the place of Misrule, and
is not the former the worse of the two for those who have been mad-
dened by centuries of the latter ? What the warm-hearted Irish
Fenians and sympathisers with Me. Kelly want is no Rule at all at
all; that is to say Home Rule; which comes to the same thing.
Some beef-headed Britons cannot help suspecting that centuries of
misrule were originated by the Irish eccentricities they are said to
have caused, and that they lasted because Sovereigns and Statesmen
were absurdly convinced that misrule was the only way to manage
an unruly people.

ILLUSTRATED ROGUES.

The British Medical Journal lately contained a pleasing account
of a man who,: having been taken prisoner by a tribe of Asiatic
savages, was, by them, tattooed all over. . " His body is covered
from head to foot with- delineations of men, animals, and fabulous
things," and ".the skin has the general appearance, to the sight and
touch, of bluish grey velvet." The process of tattooing lasted two
months, and hurt him very much. Pity, however, for this victim
of pictorial cruelty is in a great measure precluded by the state-
ment that : —

" According to his own account, the man, a Greek by birth, had been a
pirate, and had also carried on brigandage on the Continent."

The treatment received by this habitual criminal from the natives
who caught him can hardly be considered not to have served him
right. It would not be undeserved, in case of falling into the same
hands, by a rogue accustomed to adulterate food, and use false
weights and measures. The savages would make a good example
by tattooing, from top to toe, a dishonest South London tradesman.

UNIVERSITY REFORM.

" The Universities of Oxford and Cambridge have been invited
by Me. Gladstone," says the Times, "to choose between two modes
of instituting a complete inquiry into their property and revenues."
The People's William, of course, would be disgusted by the slightest
suggestion of any comparison between himself and Cobiolantjs.
On the other hand, the Constituency of Oxford University, who
rejected the present Member for Greenwich, would probably resent,
with still greater disgust, the imputation of any analogy to the
Rom<m populace. Yet Oxford may imagine cause to regret having
turned Me. Gladstone out; and Cambridge, perhaps, wishes
Oxford hadn't.