Punch (63.1872)

56 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 10, 1872.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

onday, July 29.
— Lord Derby
brought on the case
of Dr. Hook kb.
His Lordship stated
it with his usual
judicial moderation.
Mr. Punch would
have done nothing
of the kind. For
when a Memorial
complaining of a
Minister' sbeb aviour
is signed by such
men as those who
appended their
names to the Act
of Accusation a-
gainst Mr. Ayrton,
there is no longer a
case to be tried; but
there is a sentence
to be pronounced.
Call for Lictor,
fasces, and axe.
Posterity, here are
the men who de-
nounce Mr. Ayr-
ton, Sir Charles
Lyell, Mr. Dar-
win, Professor
Huxley, Profes-
sor Ttndall, Sir

James Paget, Sir H. Holland, Sir H. Rawlinson, the President _ of the
College of Physicians, the President of the College of Surgeons, the President of
the Linnaean Society, and Mr. Spottiswode. Surely that is enough. " Dost ask
his crime ? " He has treated Dr. Hooker ill. The Duke of St. Albans de-
clared that the Board of Works were as anxious as the public to retain the great
Botanist's services, and Lord Halifax deprecated all harsh expressions. Then
did Lord Derby interpolate the remark that all expressions of civility on the
part of the Treasury dated from the time when public feeling had been shown
out of doors. Lord Halifax concluded by hoping that harmonious relations
between Mr. Ayrton and Dr. Hooker would be resumed. It is customary,
between gentlemen, for a wrong-doer to offer an apology, and we have as yet
heard nothing of the kind from Mr. Ayrton. Shall Punch dictate the terms
in which the Chief Commissioner should express his regret ?

Lord Salisbury, on another matter, accused the Ministers of treating the
House of Lords with contempt. Lord Granville demanded instances, whereon
Lord Salisbury referred to the Abolition of Purchase. He somewhat softened
his words, however, by next saying that Ministers did not treat that House with
respect and affection. The evening was hot, but next day the weather cooled.

The Commons sat till half-past two, chiefly on Naval Estimates. "We had a
few personalities, but they do not deserve to be immortalised. Mr. Cavendish
Bentinck—we mention him because, according to the Inverness Courier, "he
most generously, and solely from his admiration of Miss Nilsson's genius, bore
the whole expense of her wedding ceremonial, and gave the splendid break-
fast," and "therefore he deserves notice—told certain persons that they "pre-
tended ".tJ be independent Members. The word was adjudged to be offensive, so
he cha^ ^ed it into "professed."

Tuesday.—The Bill for protecting Wild Birds went through Committee in the
Lords. Tais Bill, to_their Lordships' credit, excited much interest among them.
On the Second Pleading, Lord Kimberley stood up for the Barn-door Owl, but
had nothing to say for the Brown Owl, which did not, he thought, breed in
these islands. But, says the Scotsman, the

" Duke of Argyll, with every respect to an eminent colleague, could not allow this
statement to go unchallenged. He had himself, he said, ransacked the nest of the brown
owl for eggs. There was a thrill of surprise, and something like a murmur of disapproba-
tion, at this avowal from a distinguished Cabinet Minister. The story got wind, and lik«
the 'Three Crows' —an apt, ornithological illustration—it lost nothing in the telling.
In a few minutes it was reported in the lobbies that the Duke of Argyll had confessed in
the House of Lords that he had often met with the eggs of the brown owl while out bird-
nesting on Sunday!"

Lord Malmesbury said that when this Bill passed the House of Commons,
the cheers were louder than on the passage of the Ballot Bill, and therefore he
hoped that their Lordships would show deference to the feelings of the other
House, and let the measure remain substantially as it had been sent up.

Mr. Cowper Temple presented a petition from sundry idiots, praying that
Mr. Lowe would not find money to persecute the Waggawock.

There came from Manchester and Saulford to the Commons a petition for
alterations in the Liquors Bill. Half the signatures, of which there purported
to be 90,000, were written by one person, and a good many others were ridiculous.
So the House of Commons rejected the petition, though it was not much more
worthless than large numbers of documents professing to express popular opinion.

The House may as well have a mass of invented names as
the names of Sunday-school children, Baud of Hopers,
Good Templars, and the like.

An interesting discussion on Naval Reserves elicited
the (iovtrnment statement that those resources are in a
tolerably good condition, and will be materially im-
proved.

On question as to our diplomatic relations with His
Holiness, the Attorney-Genekal said that the Pope
was still Sovereign of the Leonine City. This, however,
has been denied. What cannot be denied, however, is
the absurdity of people who see any objection to our
Sovereign having a representative at the Court of the
spiritual Head of the Catholic World—the Queen herself
having millions of Catholic subjects, about whose religious
interests she desires to have the best possible information.
For a wonder, Mr. Whalley had nothing foolish to say
about this, but he was saving himself for a later scene,
as you shall see.

In fact you shall see directly, for we need not detain
you on the Scotch Education Bill, or the agreements and
differences with the Lords thereon. We sot on the
Druidical Centres Bill (Druid Cardwell's Localisation
of Military Forces) and—

" Mr. "Whalley protested against the standing army system,
amidst the derisive cheers of the House. Our standing army was
a curse to the nation. {Load cries of' Oh, oh! ')

" Lord Garlies rose to order

" The Speaker suggested that the Hon. Member should
withdraw the expression.

" Mr. Whalley would take the hint, but he had forgotten
really what he did say.

" Mr. Collins, amidst loud laughter, supplied the Hon.
Member with a glass of water, and, amidst cries of 'Drink,
drink,'

" Mr. Whalley proceeded, and concluded at twenty minutes
to two."

How proud the electors of Peterborough must be to read
such illustrations of their wisdom. We must have a
look at Peterborough in the autumn—the Cathedral
atones for the shortcomings of those who dwell around it.
We should like to know whether the inhabitants look
such wise men as they are.

Wednesday.—Proceedings so absolutely dull, and also
unprofitable that we shall note them not. Only let us
mention what Mr. Auberon Herbert said—

" With all respect to the House, he must be excused for re-
marking that they were only a mass of very average men
{laughter). He did not wish to use any grander expression
about the complexion of the House."

" Laughter," indeed. Such of the Members as knew what
the word average meant must have felt exasperated.
Nobody holds himself to be but an average man. Every-
body thinks that he has somethingremarkable about him.
Even ugly old Mr. Jack in Soapey Sponge thought that
if he were not very handsome he was very genteel, and
perfumed himself to keep up the illusion. We do not
believe that there is a single M.P. who has not a living
faith that he possesses a certain original genius, latent,
perhaps, but capable of developement, and, in the spirit
of Lavater, we call on every Member to write, in the
margin hereof, his sentiments on our proposition, and
send us the page. Nobody shall see it, foi de Punch.

Yes, one thing more to-day. Mr. Howard intends,
next Session, to reduce the price of Meat, by giving
tenant-right in England. Next Session, dear Sir. If
we have not taken the matter into our own hands a long
time before that, and executed every British butcher,
there will be neither a Parliament to bore us, nor a people
to be bored. There will be only haughty butchers, driv-
ing about, in gilded carriages and six, over the bones of an
extinct nation.

Thursday.—Lord Naffer of Merchistoun took the
oaths as Baron Ettrick. He is worthy of all honour,
but we did not specially intend to compliment him. His
new title reminds us of the Ettrick Shepherd, a poet of
whose works none of his countrymen seem to know any-
thing (at least, they never quote him), and of whom they
ought to be more proud than of any bard they have had,
except Walter Scott. And, like Scott, he never wrote
that which a gentleman does not desire to read.

The Archbishop again charged on the Lambeth Potteries
and their foul smoke. The Local Government Board has
asked the Lambeth Yestry what they are going to do,