Punch (63.1872)

August 10, 1872.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

57

and the Lambeth Vestry reply that they are " considering." If<they i enjoyed the surface of the parka. If the surface of the parks were all cut up

consider too long, we hope Whitehall will remember that Mjbthu
selah has not transmitted his recipe for living nine hundred years.

Me. Beeesford Hope made a joke, demanding when the House
would be allowed to discuss, "not the Keogh, but the Kew
question." Me. Gladstone did not laugh, and did not know.

This afternoon the Peemier, Me. Lowe, and Me. Ayeton" were
amusing themselves with something which is not in the department
of either. They were trying some gun-cotton experiments in the
Treasury garden. There came a dreadful explosion, and a breakage
of Treasury windows, but the Ministers happily survived to be
blown up in the House of Commons. Loed Eicho asked, tenderly,
about the accident, and the Standard says that Mr. Lowe had

into roads, it would, no doubt, greatly meet the convenience of the carriage
public."

Just so. And as the carriage public can go where they like,
whereas a pedestrian's lounge is limited by his strength, we hope
that Governments will continue to abstain from cutting up parks.

.Friday.—To-night it was cold and wet, yet Lord Redesdale
managed to work himself up to a white heat about the non-observ-
ance of Standing Orders, and actually threatened to resign. But a
sweet and soft answer from Lord Geaxvixle turned away the other
Peer's wrath, and, not to be outdone in politeness, he sanctioned the
very breach he had objected to. The House of Lords is still the
school of manners.

evidently not recovered from his fright when he answered. We The Commons sat in the morning, in earnest, on the details of the
take the united ages of the three playful Ministers to make about Licensing Bill, and the hours for closing public-houses were debated.
170 years. A proposition to give the local authorities power to exempt the

The Chief Commissioner declines to let the public have the new
road between Marlborough House and Storey's Gate, and complaint
being pressed, Me. Gladstone said something which will be gene-
rally approved.

" Not a word has heen said about the real public, the pedestrian public, who

Theatres from the stricter rule was carried by 124 to 96. In the
evening, divers attempts to increase discomfort were rejected by
large majorities.

Saturday.—We voted money, and hoped that we were polishing
off the penultimate week of the tiresome Session.

THE TOURISTS' REMEMBRANCER.

(Fur this Year only.)

' ow we 're just in time.
You haven't quite made
up your mind. No. You
want to be told where to
go to, and then you '11
go ? Yes. Quite so.

Do you want luxu-
rious air and whiskers ¥
Whiskers in this instance
being breezes that whisk.

Try the sea-side. There
are more questions than
one about the sea-side.
Firstly, how many sides
has a sea ? Secondly,
what sea ? Thirdly, which
side of what sea ?

For instance, fewthings
can be more refreshing
for the tired Londoner,
if he is a good sailor,
than to go out of town
—out of Camden Town,
for example — and, em-
barking on board the
Camelia or the Citizen, to steam to Batter-sea. There's a sea for
you ! And Chel-sea too. Take twopennyworth of Tidman's salt in
your pocket, sit on the beach at either Chel-sea or Batter-sea, or, if
you can't find the beach, sit on the pier, and throw stones, which
you can bring with you from the road, into the water, vary the
amusement with occasional sniffs of Tidman, and there you are.
There and back for fourpence, or for twopence if you like to
walk all the way; in which case you can spend one twopence
in a sandwich and a glass of ale, and keep the other twopence
for another treat of a similar kind.

As to France, go by night to the Ouartier Soho at the back of
Leicester Square, take a room at a French Hotel, and when you
awake in the morning you'll be perfectly astonished at finding your-
self in a foreign country. You can spend your day in visiting the
old churches and other objects of interest in the neighbourhood, you
can take your dejeuner d la fourchette at one Restaurant's, and your
dinner at another, where you can read French illustrated papers
and practise the language of the country. In the evening take a
cab (when you call a cab, call it a voiture), and drive to a French
Theatre. You will thus have had a change of air, of language, of
society, and of living, at about one-sixteenth of the cost of four
days on the Continent.
We now proceed to give our

ANSWERS TO TOURIST CORRESPONDENTS.

Alpine Arry.—The Burmese Alp is certainly the highest. You
are right, it is out of range. The Top of Mount Blanc is wound up
for the amusement of travellers by a Oly Ermit who lives there, and
it spins for at least five minutes. The Oly Ermit's charge is
Optional.

The Wigginses.—The Engadine is not a Hotel. That we do know.
Forward twelve stamps to the office, and we ' 11 tell you some more on
this subject.

Gig Lamp.—The best costume for climbing is an Ulster coat, with

top-boots and spurs. Many an accident has been avoided by spurs.
As for the head, an ordinary Gibus has been found by experience to
be most satisfactory. You should learn the trick of making the
omelette in the hat before you commence any ascent, as you might be
hungry, and this combines nourishment with amusement.

Pilgrim.—" There is now a Hotel on the Summit of Mount Ararat.
The view is charming. The Headwaitress, Joan of Ark, is most
attentive. You can indeed spend a Happy Day here." Extract
from a Letter of a Correspondent.

Tyrolean.—Decidedly. Nothing gets you on so well with the
Peasants as being able to play the Shoe-horn. Be up early. Your
tune should be " Shoe-tie, don't bother me." Translate it for the
Merry Swiss boys.

Erinian.— Go to Killarney, yer sowl, for Echoes ? Not a bit of it.
The Echoes are dead long ago. Haven't you heard of waking the
Echoes ? Of course ! Well, you only wake a defunct, don't you ?
Now by this and by that I heard 'em waking the Echoes at Killarney
last year, so bedad you 're a trifle late.

Pipkin writes to us to know why Disorderly people shouldn't be
sent to Pyrmont, which he says he has seen advertised as a place
beneficial to many Disorders.

From the Editor to his Correspondents.—By the way, who was it
sent us a large parcel, for which we had to pay two shillings and
two pence, besides giving, with delight, fourpence to the carrier for
bringing it, because he said he was so dry, containing five lumps
of very curious stone (which we reserve for our interesting Corre-
spondent's visit to our office), a very old shoe, some loose pieces of
glass (most dangerous), three cases of exploded Bengal lights, and a
packet labelled Essence of Violets, which, on being opened, gave out
such a fearful odour, that we've been obliged to have the whole place
fumigated, and haven't been in there since last Wednesday. The
whole labelled " With a Tourist's Love and Best Wishes."

*** Fi 'om our Colwell-Hatchney Correspondent (in answer to
numerous inquiries).—Can't do better than South Wales in the East.
The air is so bracing that the tourist is obliged to wear straps to his
trowsers. There is bathing—excellent bathing, if you take a
portable bath with you. Shrimps and hot water supplied. There's
a ferry boat on the high road, and a coach crosses the river every
other day ; leap year makes a difference, of course. The flowers are
very wild, but you can get near them. Several plants to be sold,
with all the apparatus. There are Butlers on the mountains ready
to hand coffee, and cowslips, and landslips at all hours. Forests of
groceries ; and the poultry, being fed on raisins, lay egg-plums every
morning. Excursions in machines all day. The key to wind up
the water-mill is at the tailor's in the village. The Parson keeps
the loadstone for the ducks in the pond. Skating excellent, and
Hockey on the strawberry ice every evening. The spot is near the
plain, so if you bring the red with you, you can make a cannon. For
further information meet me in the lane when the clock strikes
half-past.

Vevay.—" Where is Vevay ? " you ask. In the Map.

Geo. D.—" How about the Isthmus of Panama ? " If our Corre-
spondent will write and explain what the something he means by
this question, we will endeavour to give him some information. He
says he's " off next week." Glad to hear it.

Acts of Irish Faith.

The faithful Irish, though they've chains their backs on,

Of Keogh's effigy do bonfires make.
Himself, but for the laws of the base Saxon,

Och, wouldn't they have roasted at the stake!