Punch (63.1872)

November 2, 1872.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

179

DIGNITY.

Club "Buttons." " I'm at the ' Junior Peninsular' now."

Friend. "What! Did tou 'Get the Sack' from 'the Reynolds' ?"

Buttons (indignant). " Go along with ter ! ' Get the Sack !' I sent in

my ReSI"NATION to the CmMITTEE 1 ! "

SIX AND HALF A DOZEN.

Britons into camps divide.

But can you, friend, say your heart is
With the Blue or Yellow side,

When you scan the " State of Parties" P
Not for what they deem the Right,

Do the rivals wage contention.
For no Cause their Leaders fight,

None, save only place and pension.

Whigs and Tories once there were,

In the days of England's glory,
Now there 's nothing to compare,

In effect, 'twixt Whig and Tory.
Not a difference worth two figs,

In their virtue, less or more is.
As the Tories dished the Whigs,

So the Whigs have dished the Tories.

'Stead of Tories, for a name,

Say Conservatives; what matter ?
Call Whigs Liberals : all the same

Are the former and the latter.
Into office when they get,

Principle each party smothers ;
And alike to work they set,

Either side, to dish the others.

Turncoat Tories Whigs did dish,

Democratic suffrage granting.
False Whigs Tories served as fish,

With restrictive Acts supplanting.
Both together Freedom's friend

Couples, with an imprecation :
Save the Governments that blend

In paternal legislation!

Pork Pie and Poetry.

Once there was a Henry Kirke White who won
fame by his poems. Now, according to the Lincoln,
Rutland, and Stamford Mercury, there is a Henry
Kirke White whose claim to distinction is his "noted
Lincolnshire Star Pork Pies." Nothing can any longer
shock us. No, not Samuel Taylor Coleridge's cele-
brated Smoked Bacon, or Percy Bysshe Shelley's
genuine Oxford Sausages.

LOCAL INTELLIGENCE.

(Such as we see sprinkled in the influential columns of our
provincial press.)

Mr. Beeswing, the respected butler to Lord Hobbley, has been

Eresented with his photograph and a handsome silver corkscrew by
is admiring friends.

Master Blobbs of Ditchwater is collecting crests and postage
stamps.

Mr. Hodge of Claybridge has lately killed his pig.
Miss Poppleby of Carrotsford has gone to town to get her hair
dyed.

Mr. Trumpington of Clubley won eleven points at whist and
seven goes of gin-and-water on Friday evening s'ennight.

_ Miss Selina Smith of Cramford has lost her pet canary, which
died suddenly of the pip.

Mrs. Guse of Ganderwick appeared in a new chignon on her re-
turn from the Continent last Thursday afternoon.

Miss Jemima Wobbles of Lily Cottage, Dalborough, attained
her seventh year on Monday the fourth ult., and was presented
by her parents with a beautiful wax doll, having moveable blue
eyes, in memory of the event.

Master Georgy Guttleton, at Dr. Switcher's, Wopham, has
swopped his new pegtop with Master Tommy Touzler for an ounce
of toffee-and a broken-handled knife.

Me. Jones of Cadford has proposed and been accepted by Miss
Brown of the same place.

Mr. Bumpshus of Great Boreham is laid up with the mumps.

Miss Lucy Emma Scrubs, under-kitchenmaiden to the Honour-
able Lady Spoeples of Slutterford Hall, Snobberwitch, has pur-
chased a new panier for her Sundays out.

Mr. Funniman of Punborough has at length succeeded in making
a new joke.

Mr. Molloy Coddle of the Owlsnest, Little Stewington, sneezed

eleven times on Monday morning last, through incautiously perusing
a damp sheet of the Times.

Mr. Samuel Gummidge, Junior, of Great Glumsby, in defiance of
his parents, is growing a moustache.

Mr. Bumper, the respected host of the Green Griffin, Swillborough,
drank eleven pints of porter before lunch on Wednesday last.

Me. Scapegrace of Scamperley, at present staying at Boulogne,
has proposed to meet his creditors on Tuesday the 10th inst.

Master Grunter of Pigley-in-the-Hole has happily recovered
from the effects of having eaten too much cake and pudding on his
birthday, a week since.

Miss Simperley of Dowdiford appeared in her new bonnet on
Sunday morning last.

Mrs. Cacklebury of Great Prattleton has issued cards of invita-
tion for a tea and muffin party on Thursday the 11th inst.

Mr. Jeremiah Jobbers, of the Old Farm, Twiddle ton-cum -
Twitterham, has been declined, with thanks, by Miss Amelia Anna
Pursie, of Laburnum Terrace, Catsworth.

Mr. Sniveller, of Littlemouth, has been summoned to prescribe
for Mrs. Pettington's fat pug dog, which has been attacked by
asthma, dyspepsia, and gout.

Mrs. Rabbets, of Bigborough, has just presented her husband
with her eleventh son.

Mr. Jowls, of Jawingforth, while cracking nuts last market-day,
was unfortunate enough to fracture four of his front teeth.

Mr. Butcher, of Great Slaughterham, has, during the past
twelvemonth, killed upwards of eleven hundred little birds with his
own gun.

Mrs. Bibley's baby, at Verbena Villa, Cottenham, has been
suffering from the measles and a pimple on its nose.

Master Swetter, of Dunceforth Academy, has been detected in
the act of using a crib.

Mr. Swallow, of Great Gorgeworth, won a wager of five pounds
by eating his own height in Cambridge sausages last Saturday afcer-
noon.