Punch (63.1872)

September 7, 1872.]

95

MODERN LE ANDERS.

That must have been a wonderful scene in the
i Channel the other day, when a professional swimmer
was performing^ the feat of swimming from Dover to
Calais, accompanied by umpires and representatives of
the Press, together with the Brass Band of the Royal
Surrey Gardens."

The Advertisement was a little misleading in speak-
ing of the Swimmer as "performing the feat," for he
; was able to get through but a small portion of the Straits ;
! so, perhaps, there may have been some mistake about the
i Umpires, Reporters, and Musicians accompanying him
in his exploit. Otherwise the unusual spectacle of all
these functionaries gallantly breasting the waves of the
Channel, the Umpires with their insignia of office, the
Reporters with their note-books between their teeth, and
the Brass Band of the Royal Surrey Gardens, with their
I drums and trumpets, trombones and bassoons, playing
i Rule Britannia or the National Anthem, must have
been worth any expenditure of time and money to be-
hold— a sight the oldest inhabitant had never seen before,
and the youngest inhabitant will never see again. 'J he
Sea Serpent off Dover would, we imagine, have hardly
caused a greater sensation.

A NICOTINISED NATION.

The officious busybodies of the Anti-Tobacco Association are
most of them also numbered with those other officious busybodies,
the members of the United Kingdom Alliance. They are fools as
well as busybodies and officious; fools not to see that, if smoking
and drinkiEg go together, it is by smoking, very mainly, that the
restraint of drinking has been made possible. The practice of
smoking has greatly increased of late years among the higher
classes, and with it has increased political apathy. Less than half
a century ago it was considered low for a gentleman to smoke at all.
SmokiDg a cigar in the streets was disreputable, and nobody ever
smoked a pipe but a working-man, or a clown. At the same time,
well-to-do people were much more sensitive than they are at
present in many ways; much more indignant with rascality and
blackguardism, and, in particular, very much more intolerant of
tyrannical and unjust legislation. Our forefathers, for example,
would not, and did not, stand an Income-tax longer than it was
absolutely necessary. The present generation has stood that, and
much else, and is now actually standing legislative limitation of the
right to obtain refreshments at reasonable hours. The Pall Mall
Gazette, in an article on "Liberals and Conservatives," observes
that:—

" The Liberal legislation of the next few years is evidently going to be dis-
tinguished by some very formidable pecaliarities. It will clearly be to the
last degree coercive. The statutes passed in the last Session perfectly bristle
with penalties. Sobriety, cleanliness, and secret voting are each secured by
making a multitude of acts penal of which the vast majority are innocent,
and some are even laudable."

It will be owing, in a great measure, to the smoking habits of the
community, that Liberals, so calling themselves, and so called by
the unwise, will be enabled to proceed in the path of coercive legis-
lation. That is, unless the smokers rouse themselves and exert their
nicotinised and narcotised energies. The fashion is now to take
everything easy, and lie down under the load of every new imposi-
tion, only grumbling a little or using a word or two of strong

Something Short.

On consideration, it will appear that the " Intoxicating
Liquors Act" is very happily named. The public-houses
being open, on Sundays especially, for but a limited
number of hours, people will be sure to rush to them
during those hours, in order to get their " drop of
something" while they can. Then they will also make
the most of their time for drinking, lest they should
want beer, or some other generous beverage, by-and-by,
and not be able to get any. So the majority of them
will be got to take more than is good for them, and they
will become generally more or less drunk. For the
measure of petty tyranny which Ministers have carried
allows sots plenty of time wherein to get drunk on any
day, it only hinders the sober excursionist or other decent
person from taking his draught or meal at convenient
hours. Thus the Intoxicating Liquors Act will indeed
be what its authors have called it; because the Act wilL
be intoxicating inasmuch as it will cause the liquors to
intoxicate, which in point of fact they would not do but
for its vexatious and mischievous limitations.

language. John Bull has grown as patient as an Ass that has not
the spirit to kick. It seems, indeed, as though John Bdll had be-
come John Ox. The people undergo the operation of losing their
liberties under tobacco instead of chloroform.

It is too much trouble for the generality to resist the encroach-
ment pushed on by an energetic majority of meddlers. The " Per-
missive Prohibitory BiU" will, unless the drowsy majority^ bestir
themselves, very soon be enacted, and supersede the Intoxicating
Liquors Act. Then will come absolute prohibition of the liquor
traffic, and last of all, when smoke shall have done its work, the
Anti-Tobacco Society will be enabled to accomplish their base
purpose, abolish the agency which has subserved their end, and take
our cigars and quids out of our mouths. In the mean time they are
doing themselves no good, and others no harm. For it is harm
to deprive a moderate smoker of the comfort of his tobacco, just
as it is, in the case of a sober man, to rob a poor man of his beer.
But, if out of so much smoke as overclouds this land some tire
does not soon and fiercely Hare up against the Paternal Legislative
Prigs who have partially reduced us in point of liberty to the state
of pupilage, we shall all wake up some foul morning, and see not
only all the public-houses and wine-merchants', and wine-licensed
grocers' places of business, but likewise all the tobacconists' shops,
closed in our faces. Put that in your pipes, and smoke it. We may
be bilious, but our moral's right, " all the same."

Interesting to Exhibitors.

It is announced that the "Claimant" is shortly to be shown in
the Agricultural Hall. But we believe that the usual arrangements
will, in other respects, be retained. The prizes for fat beasts will
not be given until December.

to corhespondents.

Bitter Ale is not an Intoxicating Liquor. It neither cheers nor
inebriates.