Punch (63.1872)

July 20, 1872.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 23

SPECIAL MILITARY INTELLIGENCE.

The following places in the United King-
dom have been selected by the Secretary
at War, the Eield Marshal Command-
ing-in-Chief, and General Opinion, as
singularly fitted to be the new Military
Centres:—

Armagh,
Battle,

Fighting Cocks,
Killin,

Knock (Down),
Camp Hill,
Cannon Street,
Drum,

A Place in Fife not yet

determined,
Swords,
Shields,

Trooper's Lane,
Wadborough,
Wellington, ana
Waterloo.

HAZARDOUS!

Husband. " If Cook isn't Punctual to-day, Love, give her a good-—Blow her up
well !"

Wife. "My dear Charles !—Well, will you come and Stand behind the Door with
your Life-Preserver ?"

Astronomical.

It is well understood (in upper circles)
that Luna dislikes any allusion being made
to her age.

Themes of the Day.

There are two subjects whose mere
names

Refreshing 'tis to read ;
To wit, the Alabama Claims,

And Athanasian Creed.
Both it and they perhaps were best

Alike referred from home :
Teach us, Geneva, to digest

The Creed derived from Rome.

Being bothered by your artist-friends to be their model, gratis, for
MORE TAXES ON KNOWLEDGE. : somebody historical, Damien on the rack, or Titus Oates, say, in

{ the pillory, because you know so exactly what they want, and

Knowing one of those confoundedly good-tempered, impudent,
unkickable-out-of-your-doors sort of fellows, who invite themselves
to visit you upon the slightest provocation, and then spend a month
or so in riding your best horses, drinking your best claret, smoking
your cigars, and flirting with your wife.

Having to act as nursemaid to a lot of romping, rollicking, rampa-
gious children, because, as their fond mother says, you know how
to amuse them so much better than Jemima, does.

Being asked to take down Lady Humgruffyn to dinner, instead
of pretty little Mrs. Prattleton, because you happen to know
something of the Troglodytes, or the Dolomites, or the Zoophytes,
or something which happens to be her Ladyship's pet theme for
conversation.

are so clever in assuming an uncomfortable attitude.

WEIGHTY INTELLIGENCE.

The subjoined telegram, which came the other day from Paris,
does evidently not require confirmation :—

"The rumours of preliminary negotiations having been entered into be-
tween the Catholic Powers and France for the purpose of arriving at an
understanding as to the attitude to be adopted in the eventuality of a conclave,
are regarded as incorrect."

The wording of the above sentence reveals its official origin. It is
Althoughyou are really of a serious and sentimental turn of mind, j an admirable example of the peculiar language of diplomacy-pre-
being expected alwaijs to return thanks for the Bridesmaids, because ! ?lse> perspicuous, clear as the unclouded atmosphere, not hazy m the
the fellows say you know so capitally how to make a funny speech— : leaf^ Wnat important information, too, it contains ! how grave,
which is equivalent, as you think, to making a big fool of yourself, i and how tangible ! It informs us that certain rumours are regarded
Because you happen, by an accident, to have made the slightest! hy some person or persons, whose opinions may or may not signify,
possible acquaintance with a Lord, being asked by snobbish friends i as incorrect. Those rumours relate to alleged negotiations, which,
to plague him for his autograph, or by charitable friends to dun him : though represented as merely preliminary, are momentous to think
for subscriptions, or by inquisitive friends to ask him where he ! of- Consider the immensity of their supposed purpose—a purpose

buys his boots.

Being bored perpetually to escort your country cousins to the
Tower and the Thames Tunnel, and similar exciting places of amuse-
ment, for the reason that you know the way about so much better
than they do.

Knowing a young couple who, for certain (quite unfounded) ex-
pectations, plague you to be godfather, and whenever you go to
dine with them, persist in having Baby handed round with the
dessert.

Having to appear at the police-court, at the imminent risk of
being misreported to your wife, in order to give evidence for one of
your fast friends who has been out upon the loose.

Being expected by the better halves of nearly all your bosom
friends, whom you dare not disoblige, on the pain of losing your
pleasantest of dinners, to " take the boys about " when they come
home for the holidays, for the reason that you know so much about
the diving-bell, and all the other things you know the darlings are
so fond of.

no less than that of arriving at an understanding as to an attitude
to be adopted in an eventuality. This purpose, too, is as definite as
the phraseology which expresses it is crystalline. The understanding
as to the attitude to be adopted in the eventuality specified, is easily
understood. If it existed, it would exist among the Catholic Powers.
It would, therefore, be an understanding as to an attitude which
might be naturally expected in some quarters to be an attitude of
devotion, but might prove the contrary.

A Testimonial Well Deserved.

Hanley and other Staffordshire towns have been doing themselves
honour by presenting Mr. Bright with a beautiful cabinet contain-
ing beautiful specimens of the ware for which the district is famous.
In one respect the gift seems inappropriate, for it is difficult, nay
impossible, to think of Mr. Bright in connection with anything that
looks like "pottering."