Punch (64.1873)

February 1, 1873.1 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

51

AN ANTIQUARY S HINT

As some Excuse foe a Little more Hair, would not an old
Marlborough Wig be Effective ?

FASHIONABLE PLAGIARY.

If any proof were wanted that Luna is a lady, it might be fur-
nished by the fact that she so constantly is changing-. The changes
of the moon are pretty nigh as frequent as the changes of the
fashions, and, after all, there is no novelty in either variations. The
"old order" (to the milliner) differs little from the new; and as
history repeats itself, so likewise do the fashion-books. For instance,
see this statement by a recent traveller :—

" The Grecian bend is an old institution in Japan ; and to see one of those
dark-skinned ladies, with her extensive head-dres3. a hump upon her back,
an extremely narrow skirt, high wooden pattens, her body thrown forward as
she minces her steps, you would imagine that she was ridiculing the brainless
votaries of fashion in other lands; but she is only dressing as her people have
dressed, and walking as they have walked, for centuries."

In Central Africa, we are told, the ladies paint their faces and
wear chignons on their heads, exactly as their foremoth-rs for ages
there have done, and just as other ladies have but lately learnt to
do, in countries which by some people are deemed more highly
civilised. So, too, the Grecian bend of Bond Street is borrowed
from Japan, and has there been seen for centuries, although here
esteemed a novelty, and therefore made the most of by our fashion-
able folk. A savage with an eyeglass would afford a novel spec-
tacle, yet we haply may discover some wild tribe thus ocularly
decorated, and, moreover, wearing a camellia in the button-hole,
and a chimney-pot black hat. If in this way it be provable that
novelties of fashion are no better than mere plagiaries, common
sense would hint a hope that the ladies might be found less eager
for such novelties than they seem to be at present. But the ques-
tion may be asked, when, in fashionable matters, will ladies ever
listen to the hints of common sense ?

A Knight of the Keys.

M. de Bourgoing, on leaving Rome, received a remarkable honour
from the Pope. The Holy Father named him " Grand Officer of the
Ordine Piano." This appointment would have passed without
remark if it had been conferred on the Abbe Li^zt. But is M. de
Bourgoing also among the pianists ? He is not known to be a per-
former on any instrument, although, no doubt, the Pope considers
him to have proved himself instrumental to His Holiness's purposes.

THE ECONOMIST'S CAROL.

My boots may not again be mended ;

Reported worth it now no more.
On a new pair must be expended

A portion of my measured store.
My shirts are likewise all in tatters,

My socks and under-clothing too ;
Though their state not so greatly matters,

Because they are concealed from view.
But they '11 no longer hold together;
They 're worn too thin for wintry weather.

Mine outer garments no repairing

Will make to last another span,
And not attract to me the staring

Attention of my fellow-man.
There's nought so hard in being needy,

Small clerks and travaillers at the desk,
Than that it dooms men to go seedy,

And makes them otherwise grotesque ;
Unless, indeed, all care you smother
For the derision of your Brother.

My stock of coals so low has dwindled,

That I require a fresh supply :
A costly fire I must have kindled,

To cook high-priced provisions by.
All these expenses, down together

On poor Pilgarlick, bid him spare
Internal fence from wintry weather;

Interior lined with winter's fare.
Good cheer, the chief alleviation,
Besides a pipe, of tribulation.

Now sing old Rose, and burn the bellows,

Secure of affluence, 0 ye blest!
The rich man only, like you fellows,

Can e'er a conscience keep at rest.
You can pursue investigations,

And minds serene to work devote,
Nor need to make your calculations

Before you get another coat.
I to afford one must endeavour.
Well!—it will be my last, however.

SPECULATION SPOILED.

The eye of some meteorologist, wearied with continuous rainfall,
may have been agreeably attracted by the heading of a paragraph
in the Post:—

" Fall of Chalk at Dover.—Another fall of chalk has taken place
on the South-Eastern Railway, between Shakspeare's and Abbott's Cliffs, at
Dover tunnel, but no injury to life or property was occasioned."

Reading thus far at least, a philosopher concerned in the study of
meteoric phenomena might naturally enough imagine the fall of
chalk reported to have taken place on the South-Eastern Railway,
to have been a shower of aerolites consisting of that substance. As
chalk is a marine formation, composed chiefly of organic remains, its
descent in the form of fragments of asteroids or planetary bodies
would suggest the most absorbing trains of thought, and afford ma-
terials for researches of the profoundest interest. But these pro-
mising ideas are disappointingly dissipated by the statement which,
in the next sentence, informs the reader that—

" The guns of the Drop Redoubt have been unlimbered for fear of acci-
dents."

Sold! Such is the exclamation which bursts from the philoso-
pher's lips on discovering, inferentially, from this additional in-
formation, that the fall of chalk at Dover, on the South-Eastern
Railway, was merely another landslip from Dover Cliffs. This,
perhaps he mournfully observes, had no relation to meteorology,
except in having been caused by the late wet weather.

A Privileged Pair.

The Lord Chief Justice perhaps had one more reason than he
mentioned for not committing Messrs. Whallex and Guildford
Onslow for contempt of Court. His Lordship very likely considered
that, in stumping the country, and aspersing persons of honour, on
behalf of Castro, they had sufficiently committed themselves.

Note for Naturalists.—The largest Moth ever known — The
Behemoth.