Punch (64.1873)

March 22, 1873.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON

CHARIVARI.

115

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Said we not, dear Madam, that there would be wigs on the green this
Session ? The phrase is Irish, and therefore it was used by Mr. Punch with his
accustomed exquisite prophetic sense. At the bidding of a knot of Irish Priests,
an enlightened Government has been prostrated, Imperial business stopped, and
a civilised nation put into a state of uncertainty and discomposure. Such is
the consequence of petting inconvenient proteges. When they break loose,
they do all kinds of mischief. However, vous Vavez voulu, John Bull Dandin,
vous Vavez voulu.

3Iondav, March 10.—The debate on the Dublin University Bill was resumed
oy Me. Vernon Harcotjet, who did his best in answer to Mr. Rorsman,
and who contended that it was not the first duty of Ministers to please the
Irish prelates, but to make a fair Bill, and let the prelates do as they pleased.
He did not think the Bill perfect, but it might be mended in Committee.
The " gagging clause" was a hideous deformity. He and his friends would not
desert a Minister who had done so much good. Dr. Ball delivered a very
able and impassioned invective against the Bill, which, if carried, would have
been carried by the Welsh and Scotch. The House was so pleased at his per-
formance, that hands were actually clapped. It was very good clapper-clawing,
as Shakspeare would have said.

Divers—we don't mean pearl-fishers, at least they brought up very few pearls
of oratory—followed. Mr. Miall said that Parliament had sown the wind,
and was now reaping the whirlwind. Lord John Manners informed Mr.
Gladstone that his grenius was essentially destructive. Mr. Bernal Osborne
said that the Premier, like Falstajf, had led his ragamuffins where they had
been peppered. The Silent Sister was to be made both blind and deaf. Every-
thing Irish was exaggerated—a shanty was called an hotel, and a hedge-school
a college. Let the Irish Colleges be called Schools, and reformed accordingly.
It had been imploringly said, " Date obolum Belisario "—give a vote to a poor
blind Government; but he was really afraid to do so. He begged Mr. Glad-
stone to withdraw the Bill.

Mr. Cardwell urged that no Member voting for the Second Reading was
thereby committed to details. (Here people went away a good deal.) He
intimated the willingness of Government to surrender many points. Then
there was rather a demand that the debate should be closed, and Mr. Mitchell
Henry waxed wroth, and hearing" certain noises made at his remarks, declared
that he heard "the sounds of Balaam." This shows that the Honourable
Member would have been the better for a little reading of the Book which the
prieets naturally dislike laymen to study. We adjourned, after a few words
from the Premier.

Tuesday. —This was the Great Night Entirely, Madam,

Good Colonel Wilson-Patten began, and heartily op-
posed the Bill, which would enable the "fulminating"
priests to destroy the independence of education. Mr.
O'Reilly supported it, and quoted those eminent poets,
Tom Moore and Virgil, the second happily, for he
cited the elegant passage in the Georgics where the
effect of grafting is described, and he pictured Trinity
College as admiring her new foliage, et non sua poma.
Apples of Discord, however, seem the chief Irish pro-
duction in that line. Mr. Botjverie (old Whig) said
that the_ Bill was miserably and scandalously bad,
also that it had already "gone to Hades," whereat several
" self-made men" probably asked their neighbours what
Ady's meant. Sir P. O'Bkien said that the Irish
Catholics only asked for justice, and that this Bill was
an insult.

Then, Madam, it was felt that the time had come for
the great Sworders to combat. Breath was bated—we
don't mean the Irish word—as

" "With hand whose almost careless coolness spoke
Its grasp well used to deal the sabre-stroke,
With eye, though calm, determined not to spare,
Did Laka too his willing weapon bare."

Mr. Disraeli stood at the table. He was in his best
form, Madam, as your daughters say, and should not.
He was like his own Aboriginal Inhabitant, in that
capital book Popanilla, and he came to give everybody a
sound flogging all round. But he did it in the most
artistic fashion. One for Mr. Habcotjrt, who had talked
like an " Attorney-General"—and this went home, and
the House began to cheer. One for Mr. Cardwell, who
had explained away the Bill, and one for Mr. Glad-
stone, who had explained away the explanation. We
might discuss the Bill in Committee. Of course we
might—how gracious ; what else do we go into Com-
mittee for ? Then we had some good fun about the
granting degrees, and he told a story about his refusing
to do something to please some White Quakers, for fear
lest they should confer the degree of White Quaker on
him. (There were some more white quakers in the
House just then.) Then he derided Government for
refusing to found a Philosophy chair in an age "when
young men prattle about protoplasm, and young ladies
in gilded saloons unconsciously talk atheism." (Tell
your daughters that, dear Madam.) He was very
effective on this part of the subject. Then he adverted
to concurrent endowment. That was the policy of
statesmen. It had been Peel's, and Palmerston's. and
once Mr. Gladstone's own, but he had abandoned it for
a policy of confiscation. That policy had led to the
Disestablishment of the English Church in Ireland, but
what had followed ? The Disestablishment of the Catholic
Church in Rome, and for this the Papacy was indebted
to Cardinal Cullen, whom let Protestants therefore
reverence. " You," he said to the Government—

" Have had four years of it; you have despoiled Churches,
you have threatened every corporation and endowment in the
country— {laughter and cheers)—you have examined into every-
body's affairs—(cheers)—you have criticised every profession,
and vexed every trade—(renewed laughter and cheers). Nobody
is certain in property; no one knows what duties he will have
to perform to-morrow— (cheers). This is the Policy of Con-
fiscation."

He concluded by declaring that he must vote against a
Bill which was monstrous in its general conception, per-
nicious in many of its details, and utterly futile as a
measure of practical legislation.

There is only one man in the House who can hold his
own against such sword-play as that, but the man was
there—" a strong man armed "—we may add, " keeping
the House."

Mr. Gladstone taunted his antagonist with having
talked for half-an-hour on matters that had nothing to
do with the subject. Concurrent endowment ! It was
dead, no doubt, but it might revive under the potent
charm of the Magician opposite. But Peel was not its
friend, nor had he himself ever been. Then the Premier
defended himself for having made this Bill a question of
confidence. This was needful, after three years of re-
sistance to what was part of a general scheme for the wel-
fare of Ireland. He denied complicity with the Catholic
prelates. Supporting the principles of the measure, he
was bitterly sarcastic on the "Waiters on Providence"
who had so eulogised the Bill at first, but had now all

" Big with the fate of Gladstone and of Home." I run away from its promoters. He called on the House