Punch (64.1873)

Apbil 19, 1873.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

159

THE KITCHEN AND THE NURSERY. .

N the whole,
there can be no
doubt that food
for the mind is
considered of
less value now
than food for
thebody,atany
rate so far as
our families are
concerned. As
a rule, at least,
a Cook is paid
far better than
a Governess,
and has far less
to do for the
1 money that she
gets. Wellnigh
every Cook now
expects to have
aKitchenmaid,
who does more
than half her
work ; and any
Cook who con-
descends to
serve without
a Kitchenmaid
expects to have
assistance daily
from a char-
woman ; and is
much too lady-
like to scrub her kitchen floor. We have now a glut of Governesses and a dearth
of Cooks, and we fear there is no likelihood of the former class combining and
going out on strike. Yet this would be a strike which we should see with real

pleasure, if it could fairly he maintained to a successful
end. Meanwhile, Cooks might be hired more cheaply if
there were less demand for them, and this young ladies,
in due time, have in their power to decrease. If young
ladies would but learn the noble art of cookery, they
might yearly save their parents some considerable out-
going, and might, on marriage, spare their husbands the
expense of hiring high-priced Cooks. South Kensington
is now affording them the means of acquiring the art in
question, and Mr. Punch earnestly recommends them to
join the Provisional Classes.

A MODERATE MONSTER.

Anaecht progresses at a quiet pace. At a meeting of
delegates representing above a hundred of the London
Trades' Societies, held on Wednesday last week, at the
Bell, Old Bailey, it was resolved to hold a "Monster De-
monstration of the Trades of London, in support of the
total repeal of the Criminal Law Amendment Act, and
to protest against all special legislation for Trades' Union-
ists, and the application of the law of conspiracy as lai<i
down by Judge Bbetx in the recent trial of the gas-
stokers." The Trades' Unionists, when they propose to
unite in a Monster Demonstration, appear to accept the
name of "the Many-headed Monster." The self-styled
Monster designs to roar at the Government and Legisla-
ture "in Hyde Park, or some other suitable place, on
a day to be named." Saint Monday, perhaps, would
best suit the Striking Classes, who largely keep that
festival.

But your Monster will roar you as gently as any
sucking dove. The Striking Men are comparatively
reasonable in their demands. Merely to ask for the
repeal of the Criminal Law Amendment Act is moderate
as times go. It is almost a wonder the Monster does not
demand the repeal of the Criminal Law altogether, and
roar " No Punishment!;'

THE PLEASURES OE THE TABLE.

Dbessing in a desperate hurry to dine with most punctual and
particular people, mislaying your studs, failing in several attempts
at a symmetrical arrangement of your tie, compelled after many
postponements to wear your new boots which prove to be tight

strict regimen, and knowing that there is hardly a thing on the table
which he has not forbidden you to touch.

Being a highly nervous man, and choking, or having to talk to a
deaf stranger, or becoming aware that your artificial teeth are every
instant growing more and more insecure.

Being the only man of the party who does not hunt, and having
to listen, after dinner, when the ladies are gone, to narratives of

across the instep, missing the train, and having to wait twelve w V ^'q 7. v , T wfwCZTu
minutes for another ; and It last entering the Pucxebings' drawing- I capitaldays with the South Yorkshire or Mr. Wentwobth Gams
room to find everybody assembled, and to be made uncomfortably
certain by unmistakeable looks and the immediate announcement

of dinner, that it is for you and you alone that host and hostess,

ton's Hounds, particularly on that memorable occasion when they
found in Toddington Gorse, and, after a splendid run of an hour
and forty-five minutes, killed in Loed Saxondale's shrubberies.

guests an'd cook, have all 'been impatiently and indignantly waiting! 1 ™P lnto the drawing-room, and being induced to take a hand

Being selected to lead into the dining-room Miss Camilla Bbumby,
the energetic Secretary of the Female Domination League, who

at whist, when you are conscious that you are a most indifferent
player, and never remember what cards are out after the first two

wears spectacles (slightly tinted), and exhibits marked peculiarities r°undf- Finding that your partner is a lady who knows the game

in the fashion of her dress and the arrangement of her hair ; while almost as well as Cavkndish himself, but has all her finesse spoiled
Eva Teeblngton, whose expected presence at the party has been
youv main inducement to face the fog and the thaw, is conducted

by your blunders ; while your opponents—one of them a man you
have not spoken to for years- are both accomplished performers,
ny^wealthyTr^^^ ™n everv rubber, and all your, and, what is far worse, all

jf the table, and on the same side of it as vourself. M^s T^ndleham s silver.

Somewhat sated with Miss Betjmby's Views on the struggle be- £^mW ^T^f if you^ streftt.and se.eiD£ *fire-engine and a
tween Capital and Labour, and the attitude Russia is assuming in m°h ln the mAddleLof the.road> and discovering after a brief interval
Central Asia, finding, when you turn to the lady on your left, that ot suspense, that the engine and the mob are before your own door,
it is Mbs. Cyuil Boncastle an enthusiastic admirer of the Rev. and that it is your own kitchen chimney which is throwing out soot

and sparks at 5"45 p.m.—eight persons, including a newJy-mamed

LoFTTTs Pbiestcraft, to whose fantastic proceedings at St. Jerome's
you are diametrically opposed

couple, being expected to dinner at 6'30.

Sitting next, the lady of the house-one in which the dishes are Inviting several friends to come and help you to eat a haunch of

not handed round- and being expected to manage a small turbot for venison which Loed Dabtmoob has been good enough to send you ;

a large party, and afterwards to dea) with a popular turkey-your and beJm/ informed by your cook, on the morning of the day ap-

ii.ability to carve even the simplest joint being a matter of ludicrous P0"1^ for the feast, that the venison is not fit to appear at table,

notoriety in your own domestic circle. Having made your adieux to your host and hostess, to be told by

Turning somewhat sharply round when the servant offers you a
sweet in the composition of which cream largely predominates, and
thereby causing a deposit of the whole contents of the dish in the
new blue silk lap of your rather stiff neighbour.

Having directly opposite to you at table the lady who returned all
your letters and presents last, winter, and whom you have not met
since that well-remembered day, when she suggested that it would
be better for you not to come again to Upper Cheveley Street.

Dining with the Pinchams, and, in ignorance or forgetfulness
of the established fact that the quality of their wines is more than
doubtful, going through a course of experimental chemistry with
their sherry, hock, champagne, and claret, in a fruitless search for
some liquid which will not embitter your to-morrow.
Dining in company with your doctor, who has lately put you on a

the servant in the hall that it is a pouring wet night, and that there is
not a cab to be got anywhere. Walking home in the rain, and dis-
covering, when you reach your lodgings, that you have forgotten
your latch-key, and standing for ten minutes on the door-step, until
the domestic can be roused to let you in.
Derangement of the digestive organs.

Patients and Pay.

" Pbevention," said a Sanitary Reformer, "is better than cure."
The Medical Man to whom this observation was addressed, smiled,
and replied, " That may be all very true in theory, but the reverse
is what we always find to be the case in Practice."