Punch (66.1874)

192

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [May 9, 1874.

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

HUNTING the Public
Worship Regulation
Bill for a few days,
till Convocation has
had its gush of talk-
ing, and the Ritual-
ists their gush of
writing (to the
Tines), over the
Measure, was the
first business of the
Lords on Monday,
April 28.

Lord Bath thought

delay was only decent in the case of “ a Bill that binds the Clergy
hand and. foot; ”—a Bill (says Punch) that lessens cost and delay
in enforcing the law against Ritualising Incumbents. Strange, how
different a thing looks from opposite sides.

The Lord Chancellor was all for delay, as the Bill “ stirred the
minds of great masses of people ”—and masses, we suppose, should
be stirred slowly. We should have thought “the masses” stirred
the people more than the Bill.

The real objection to the Measure in certain quarters is, precisely,
that it does stir “ masses,”—sends them further from us, it is to he
hoped, and us from them. But. we doubt if the Bill’s clerical
opponents would like this public identification with “ masses.” It
is what they may expect at the hands of their enemies, the ultra-
Protestants, but not of Lord Chancellor Cairns.

Having shunted the Church Bill, their Lordships got on, and off,
the Rail, Lord Delaware moving for a Royal Commission to
inquire into Railway management, accidents, and means of pre-
venting them—legislative and mechanical. Neglect of proper ap-
pliances and overworking of servants his Lordship thought the chief
sources of smash.

Lord Houghton (as leader for the Directors), spoke boldly up to
his brief and instructions, contending all was for the best in this

best of possible railway worlds. Directors, he thought, behaved with
“ quite affecting disinterestedness.” [If disinterestedness means
not paying enough interest, we agree with Lord Houghton—
and shareholders generally— that the disinterestedness of Directors
is affecting, painfully affecting.] Besides, the interest of Directors
is that their lines should be well managed. True, my dear Lord,
were there no “capital account” to counsel, “‘ Save' bene si
possis, si non, quocunque modo, isave.n” till a smash comes and
swallows up four times the year’s saving in compensations. But
Directors are so disinterested, Bless you, they like paying com-
pensations.

The Duke of Richmond was ready to grant a Select Committee—
for the Government did not see their way to legislation. So the blind
shall lead the blind, that both may not fall into a railway cutting.

The Duke of Somerset—who, like a certain other old gentleman,
is always finding work for idle hands to do—suggested that the new
Commission, which is over-paid and under-worked, should undertake
the job. Lord Carlingford—speaking with full official knowledge
of Captain Tyler’s big Report, and all the little Reports bred by
all the railway accidents, printed at the public expense, and neatly
docketted, and put away at the Board of Trade and. all the railway
offices—pointed out that nine accidents out of ten were caused by
overgrown traffic. Traffic, in fact, has grown into a giant, with feet
so big he can’t put ’em down without smashing something, like a
hen with too many chicks. Still he liked the idea of a Commission
and an inquiry. Officials, and ex-officials always do. They stave
off legislation, which means infinite trouble and vexation, often to
no end, to already overtaxed office-staffs, and their heads.

Lord Salisbury had no faith in legislation, none in inquiry,
none—yes, a little, in Time-tables punctually kept. Would he sug-
gest a Bill for enacting the month’s Bradshaw, en bloc, as a law of
the Medes and Persians, which no traffic-manager shall alter on
pain of being torn to pieces by wild engines, and so give history its
Bradshaw the managericide to balance Bradshaw the regicide ?

In the Commons. Sa xo-Grammaticus in his Norse Historv has a
chapter “ On Owls in Iceland.” “ There are no owls in Ideland,” So
Mr. Disraeli, in answer to a question about the appropriation of the
balance arising from the Disestablishment of the Irish Church,
explained that there was no balance—at least, in the English sense.
The Irish balance is a debt of £9,700,000, which will be paid in
seventeen years, and then there will be five millions’ worth of
terminable annuities to divide. So, about 1893, Irish Pathriots look
out for a scramble. But Lord save us, where may Irish Patriots
and Irish property be by that time ? ‘ ‘ Who fears to speak of

ninety-eight ? ” “ Who cares to hope from ninety-three ? ”

Mr. Bourke informed Sir G. Jenkinson that M. Lesseps had
shown his good sense by knocking under to the Porte, and not put-
ting the canal lights out. The commercial world generally, the canal
shareholders in particular, will say ditto to Mr. Bourke. Better
half a loaf than no bread, and ten francs a ton than no francs at all.

In Report on Committee of Ways and Means, Mr. Peel hoped,
and Mr. Backhouse regretted, and Mr. Hubbard recommended,
and Sir L. Palk was sorry, and Sir Gr. Balfour and Mr. Kinnatrd
advocated, and Lord Eslington and Mr. Heygate urged, and Mr.
Orr-Ewing complained, to various effects about the Budget; but
as nothing came of hopes, regrets, recommendations, griefs, advo-
cacy, urgings, or complaints, suffice it to say the Budget Resolu-
tions were agreed to, and ordered to be embodied in a Bill.

On Motion for going into Committee of Supply, Mr. Hanbury
moved that it is not desirable we should withdraw from the Cold
Coast. True, a Select Committee in 1868 had advised retreat, but
imports, exports, and revenue are growing. Did not Captain
Glover tell them at Liverpool the other day there is gold to be
picked up “like potatoes,” within twenty miles of Accra? There
can’t be trade without protection, and nothing governs like a
governor— vide Jamaica under Sir J. G. Grant. Without a
Government there would be nothing imported to the Gold Coast but
rum and guns. We owe a duty to the natives, and the least they
can do is to pay their duties to us. What if governors do die ?

“ Uno avulso non deficit alter
Aureus, et sinnli frondescit virga metallo.”

There are always good Governors to be had, if you’ll pay for ’em.

Mr. Holms, by way of seconding the Motion, argued that our
Gold Coast Settlements cost more than they were worth, and that
our late war promised a legacy of anything but peace. The war
was due to Colonial Office meddling ana muddling. The Ashantees
were the best of the black bunch, and we had denied them access to
trade-ports, and given King Coffee strong grounds to boil over.
As to our duty in the future, it was to pave the way to clear
out, and leave the natives and the traders to settle matters their
own way. And thus was Mr. Hanbury seconded. “ Call you that
backing of your friends,” Mr. Holms ?

The Motion was adjourned till this day week, on the motion of
Mr. Mills, who is welcome to the addition of “ Coffee ” Mills, if
he likes.