Punch (66.1874)

May 9, 1874.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

191

“ BALANCE, MESSIEURS ! ”

Old Groom. “What I always says about Jumpin’, Master Fred, is this—The great Thing is to keep ‘the Ballast.'"
Master Fred. “Yes. And that Gentleman’s Horse seems to prefer Shifting his, Joe.”

A family o’ Hampshire Hogs, both yurt and little swine,

Housed in a way I shouldn’t like to zee no hogs o’ mine.

The Crowner’s sent the verdict to the Local Guv’ment Board ;

And now a fit Inspector p’raps the Guardians ’ool afford;

And then Hampshire Hogs on two legs wun’t ne’er he found no more
A livun’ in a pigstye that’s too had for hogs on four.

FACULTY AND FACULTY.

A rather uncommon event occurred the other day in the Lower
House of Convocation. A moderate and reasonable speech was de-
livered there. The subject of it was the Archbishop’s Message, and
the speaker Canon Gregory. According to report:—

“ Speaking of the Exeter reredos case, Cancn Gregory said that it would
be impossible to say what adornments might not be ordered to be removed if
erected without a faculty.”

There is a faculty without which some monuments are erected, as
some follies are practised in some churches—the faculty of common
sense on the part of Clergymen. In that case, indeed, ought the
follies not to he stopped, and the monuments of folly removed ? But
the Exeter reredos appears to be hardly a monument of this descrip-
tion. The faculty without which it was erected was a permissive
faculty, which should have been obtained from the Bishop. If,
however, the Bishop of Exeter has such a faculty as common sense
to confer, would he have objected to the erection of a simply orna-
mental and architectural work of Art ?

Alarming- Scarcity.

Is the country short of competent Judges ? Is it found difficult to
obtain lit Magistrates when vacancies occur ? Is the demand for a
good Lawyer greater than the supply of that valuable and expensive
article ? These questions, which suggest very serious reflections to
the thoughtful mind, are prompted by observing the following
significant notice—“ Wanted first-class Bench hands.”

HAMPSHIRE HOGS AND IIOGSTYES.

(See Hampshire Independent, April 25. ‘ ‘ Rural Life in

Hampshire.”)

You’ve heer’d folks talk o’ Hampshire hogs ; the hogs they means
is we.

We doan’t refuse the compliment we takes it for to he.

For unto prime perfection pigs in Hampshire we do bring;

And Cobbett says, “ this hog is altogether a good thing.”

That there ’s a hog on four legs though ; hut there be hogs likewise
Of our own breed in Hampshire, yet that lives like hogs in styes ;
And two sich two-legged Hampshire hogs was William and Dame
Day,

As pigged in a chalk-pit on the Down, near Lasham, Alton-way.

Their house they couldn’t bide in ; a’ was out of all repair.

And so they went and made theirselves wot you med call a lair.
Dree hurdles, thatched, set in a hole, for a hut they made to do.

I calls that there a pigstye, and a sorry pigstye too.

And there they bid for some four year, until the ’ooman died,

O’ dropsy caused by heart-disease, the doctor sartified.

The Crowner’s quest as sat on her their verdict gie’d the same ;

And on the want o’ sanitairy inspection laid the blame.

Undressed and unattended nigh four days the copse did lay
Upon a bed on the hare ground ; none other goods had they.

And bad a place as was the stye where they a pig’s life led,

’Twas ten times wuss than pigstyes be when one on ’um was dead.

No pig bean’t never arter death neglected not like that;

We got too much respect for ’un, good pork and bacon fat.

And ne’er an Alton Guardian in his pigstye would allow
From Saturday to Tuesday for to lay his poor old sow.

It come out at the Crowner’s quest, at Froyle, a year agoo,

Some people o’ them parts was in a chalk-pit pig-gun’ too;