DOI issue:
August 29, 1874
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16939#0100
A SCHOOL-BOARD PERPLEXITY.
Active Member {to Mother of numerous “Irregulars” and “ Absentees"), “Joseph is just turned Thirteen, and therefore
‘ clear ; ’ Simon, you tell us, is sickening for the Measles, and Mary is gone into the Country to Nurse her Aunt’s Baby.
What have you to say respecting Peter and James ? ”
Mother of “Irregulars” and “Absentees"). “Please, Sir, they be Twins. Can’t you allow ’em as One, and let ’em do
half a Day each ? ”
[Active Member is puzzled. Orders Mother to stand aside, and requests Clerk to refer to Mr. Forster's Act “ for law bearing on point."
though informed by Bradshaw and Local Guides and Company’s
time-tables that the train will stop here half an hour, there twenty
minutes, and so forth, for some sort of reasonable refreshment,
during an eight or nine hours’ journey, yet, in consequence of one
train always being late, the half-hours and twenty minutes are
reduced to two or three minutes, and these uncertain.
At Kester the Anxious One finds that, instead of half an hour to
spare, so as to arrange about booking on for Gifyswysea in Wales,
he has only five minutes; and he also finds that, as the Model Clerk
at Spaborough might, if he had had ordinary politeness and taken
ordinary trouble, have informed him, at Kneeds he could have booked
himself and baggage right through for Glfyswysea without any
further difficulty or trouble. Rush, hustle, bustle at Kester, in
consequence of train being so late; guards hurried, excited, and
uncivil. _ Passengers every where, porters nowhere. People rushing
about, with buns in their mouths, wildly ; luggage lost, left behind,
tumbled about; in fact, Kester, on the arrival of a few trains, all
late, is only what a rough and tumble scene in a pantomime would
be with Clown and Pantaloon in private clothes ; and here even the
Fairy Tippini, with the Silver Wand, is powerless to effect a trans-
formation.
ACT IY. AND LAST.
Scene The Station, Glfyswysea, in Wales. The Anxious One
descends, wearily. The Train goes on hurriedly ; late again, of
course. lie staggers into the Station-Master's arms with a loud
cry.
lost! Jost! My luggage was labelled for Kester, and I’m
at Glfyswysea in Wales.”
Station-Master (sings cheerfully)—
I ’ll telegraph at once, don’t fear,
For I need not remind you
If they ’re labelled for Kester they ’ll be sent on here,
Those bags you left behind you !
Finale (after telegraphing everywhere for a night and a morning).
I only had to bother and pester,
And now my bags have come from Kester!
Chorus, all—
^je j- only had to bother and pester,
And now j ^ j bags have come from Kester!
Steam up. Curtain.
“ONE FOR YOUR EYE.”
Punch has received the following from somebody signing himself
“ A Bookmaker.” He would hardly have thought so from the
style. Here it is :—
“ If I wins a stake amongst bettors,
And gets only ’alf wot I gains,
Why is that like the twenty-six letters
Dear Punch, that our languidge contains P ”
“ Give it up, old ’oss ? ” Well—
“ ’Cos don’t you see that wot I get
Amounts to just the ’Alf-a-het.”
[All right for once, but don’t try it on again. Punch strongly
objects to undue familiarity from anybody; above all, from illite-
rate Turfites.]
Active Member {to Mother of numerous “Irregulars” and “ Absentees"), “Joseph is just turned Thirteen, and therefore
‘ clear ; ’ Simon, you tell us, is sickening for the Measles, and Mary is gone into the Country to Nurse her Aunt’s Baby.
What have you to say respecting Peter and James ? ”
Mother of “Irregulars” and “Absentees"). “Please, Sir, they be Twins. Can’t you allow ’em as One, and let ’em do
half a Day each ? ”
[Active Member is puzzled. Orders Mother to stand aside, and requests Clerk to refer to Mr. Forster's Act “ for law bearing on point."
though informed by Bradshaw and Local Guides and Company’s
time-tables that the train will stop here half an hour, there twenty
minutes, and so forth, for some sort of reasonable refreshment,
during an eight or nine hours’ journey, yet, in consequence of one
train always being late, the half-hours and twenty minutes are
reduced to two or three minutes, and these uncertain.
At Kester the Anxious One finds that, instead of half an hour to
spare, so as to arrange about booking on for Gifyswysea in Wales,
he has only five minutes; and he also finds that, as the Model Clerk
at Spaborough might, if he had had ordinary politeness and taken
ordinary trouble, have informed him, at Kneeds he could have booked
himself and baggage right through for Glfyswysea without any
further difficulty or trouble. Rush, hustle, bustle at Kester, in
consequence of train being so late; guards hurried, excited, and
uncivil. _ Passengers every where, porters nowhere. People rushing
about, with buns in their mouths, wildly ; luggage lost, left behind,
tumbled about; in fact, Kester, on the arrival of a few trains, all
late, is only what a rough and tumble scene in a pantomime would
be with Clown and Pantaloon in private clothes ; and here even the
Fairy Tippini, with the Silver Wand, is powerless to effect a trans-
formation.
ACT IY. AND LAST.
Scene The Station, Glfyswysea, in Wales. The Anxious One
descends, wearily. The Train goes on hurriedly ; late again, of
course. lie staggers into the Station-Master's arms with a loud
cry.
lost! Jost! My luggage was labelled for Kester, and I’m
at Glfyswysea in Wales.”
Station-Master (sings cheerfully)—
I ’ll telegraph at once, don’t fear,
For I need not remind you
If they ’re labelled for Kester they ’ll be sent on here,
Those bags you left behind you !
Finale (after telegraphing everywhere for a night and a morning).
I only had to bother and pester,
And now my bags have come from Kester!
Chorus, all—
^je j- only had to bother and pester,
And now j ^ j bags have come from Kester!
Steam up. Curtain.
“ONE FOR YOUR EYE.”
Punch has received the following from somebody signing himself
“ A Bookmaker.” He would hardly have thought so from the
style. Here it is :—
“ If I wins a stake amongst bettors,
And gets only ’alf wot I gains,
Why is that like the twenty-six letters
Dear Punch, that our languidge contains P ”
“ Give it up, old ’oss ? ” Well—
“ ’Cos don’t you see that wot I get
Amounts to just the ’Alf-a-het.”
[All right for once, but don’t try it on again. Punch strongly
objects to undue familiarity from anybody; above all, from illite-
rate Turfites.]