Punch: Punch (69.1875)

September 4, 1875.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

95

John. But you don't know now to swim, Pat.

Pat. And it's that, is it ? It's that that's causing a botheration ?
Be aisy! "Wouldn't there be toime now to learn how to swim, in an
elegant manner, during the passage ? Come now. Get out wid ye t

THE HOUSE AND THE HOME;

OR, HINTS TOWARDS A GRAMMAR OF DECORATIVE ART.

By Leonardo Della. Eobbia de Tttdob Westpond Thmpkyns,
Esq., S.A.S., A.R.F., M.U.F., and Hon. Member of the Dulli-

dillitanty Society.

Occasional Note.—Remember that French^polish is most useful.
When you want an old piece of furniture done up to look rather
better than new, you must go smilingly to the upholsterer, and
address him thus, putting on your best French polish, " Voulez-vous
veneerf "

Not sufficient attention has been hitherto given to tables.

A table, like a ballet-dancer, should :have good legs. How much
of them should be shown to the public is a question for the lady of
the house, or, in her absence, for the master, who will act as Lord
Chamberlain.*

Do not lose sight of the fact that there is poetry in furniture;
though this would not warrant you in calling on Me. Alfbed
Tennyson and asking him, " if, being such a good hand at turning
neat compliments in verse, he would kindly turn you an elegant set

of legs for your dining-table." The Laureate, his fine eye in frenzy
rolling, would probably be inclined to turn the modest visitor out
among his own laurels in the front garden.

Here at once is a device for a
Shakspearian Table, a figure of
Samlet intersected in the centre by
the table which Hamlet's legs support
underneath. Hamlefs hands are
raised, each holding a little carved
miniature table, while round his
waist is written the quotation,—

" My tables! Meat it is!
Set it down."

" This is a highly artistic conception.!

The Addition Table is so con-
structed that by the simplest possible
mechanism another place can be
added at a moment's notice. Most
useful (where friends drop in acci-
dentally) to a really hospitable
person. It will be satisfactory to
explain to a host of a truly liberal
turn of mind that this table cannot
be, and is not intended to be, worked by a Screw. Our illustra-
tion, showing the arrival of an unexpected but welcome guest, say
the Author of this work, % and the table at once enlarged, to one

* The Lord Chamberlain, by the way, doesn't act, he only controls
those who do.

t Orders (enclosing cheques in advance) for the new Shakspearian Table to
be sent to the Editor of the Decorative Grammar, which will be immediately
attended to and executed with celerity and despatch.

% Foot-note (by the Artist) on the Artist.—To make the idea intelligible
(and to prevent any ill-feeling), I have made them both coming in unex-
pectedly together, and everybody of course delighted to see them.

(Signed) The Artist.

place more. We cannot inform the public how it is done. That is
our secret. But when 'tis done, 'tis well and quickly done.

The Multiplication Table is something of the same notion, only
made to suit Hotels and Families arriving.

In'f ew articles of furniture can so much variety in taste and fancy
be shown, combined with the strictest economy where necessary, as
in tables.

For a West-End Moneylender's Dining-room what more suitable
than an Interest Table, with, in the middle, a small fountain, with
equally-distributed jets throwing up into the air Scent per Scent ?
The Interest Table should be divided into four quarters and sup-
ported by twelve legs. The legs should be of ebony. We append a
design (our own) for an Interest Table, supported by Twelve Black

Legs. The rich ornamentation should be executed in gold, silver,
and as much brass as possible.

(To be continued.)

A Material Mystery.

The Fanfulla has lately published a minute description of the
habits and manners of the Pope. In this interesting contribution
to natural history we are informed that—

" By nine o'clock the Pope is always to be found sitting in his arm-chair
under his canopy, before a large writing-table, on which stands a crucifix and
an Immaculate Conception, besides papers and an inkstand."

Who can" conceive a Conception standing on a table ? Such an
object, so situated, appears about as imaginable as a hypothesis on
the mantelshelf or an assumption in the grate. The mind might as
well try to form a notion of a chimsera buzzing in a vacuum, eating
its second intentions.

after classical peecedent.

At Worship Street, one day last week, a little matrimonial differ-
ence was discussed, on which occasion it appeared that the Lady had
threatened to break her Husband's head with a pitcher. This may
be said to be a renewal of the Jug-Earthen War.

the poet of london.

Oue own Medical Officer reports that in sixteen cases out of
twenty the Port of London is rather worse than the Sherry.

The Last of the "Thames "Valley Elephants."—The one at
the Elephant and Castle.