Punch: Punch (69.1875)

96

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 4, 1875,

LITERAL FACT.

rsle). " I say, confound

Pat. " Shure, Sorr, you tould me lasst Evening to putt'm on the Thrays !"

The Young Master {to new Valet from the Emerald Isle). " I say, confound you, what have you been doing, with my Boots
here ?" (The night had been rainy.)

HIS OWN MASTER!

{A Farce, in One Short Scene.)

Scene.— The Sultan's Palace. The Sultan and his Grand Vizier
discovered in consultation. Unpaid Bills (right a?id left).
A tottering Throne (centre).

The Sultan. And so you say I must see them ? ' ■
The Grand Vizier. It is Fate, 0 mighty Father of the Faithful,
and what is stronger than Fate ?

The Sulta?i. Very well. Tell the Dogs to come in.
The Grand Vizier. The meanest Slave upon the Earth hastens to
do the bidding of the all-powerful Master of the World.

[Exit, and re-enter immediately, ushering in the Ambassadors
of Austria, Russia, Germany, France, and England. The
Ambassadors bow themselves down to the ground before the
Sultan.

The Sultan. "Well, Gentlemen, and what do you want with me?
But first, with your permission, I will raise my right hand to my
head, to arrange my turban, which (as you see) seems to be falling

off.

The Austrian Ambassador. "With the greatest possible respect for
your Majesty's wishes—which are to all of us law—I most humbly
but distinctly protest against your Majesty using your Majesty's
right hand.

The Sultan. "Well then, Gentlemen, I will raise my left.

The Rtissian Ambassador. Tour Majesty of course can do abso-
lutely what your Majesty pleases; but I, on behalf of my Govern-
ment, respectfully but firmly insist that your Majesty shall not use
your Majesty's left hand.

The Sultan. Well then, Gentlemen, you will notice that my foot-
stool appears to be slipping away from me. With your permission,
Gentlemen, I will pull it back again with my right leg.

The German Ambassador. Of course we (without exception) are
prepared to treat your Majesty's slightest suggestions as positive

commands. Still I have the honour to inform your Majesty that your
Majesty cannot be permitted to move your Majesty's right leg.

The Sultan. Well, Gentlemen, my left leg will do equally well.

The French Ambassador. We have only to know your Majesty's
ideas to carry them out instantly, in the most perfect integrity.
Still, France will not consent to your Majesty advancing' your
Majesty's left leg.

The Sultan. Well, Gentlemen, what can I do ?

The English Ambassador. I am desired by Her Majesty's Govern-
ment (who are prepared to give each and every of your Majesty's
plans the most unqualified moral support) to inform your Majesty
that your Majesty will be respectfully permitted to do nothing !

[Scene closes in.

Begula sine Exceptione.

(Jack lojuitur.)

Bill Bowline comes and he says to me,

He says to me, he says, says he,

" What is the Rule of the Road at sea ? "

I says to him, says I (that's me),

" Whether ashore, or whether at sea,

The Rule of the Road, folk seems to agree,

Is to suddenly launch in eternity'

Any one not quite handy to see

If the helm turned to starboard or port should be,

As we learn by a late catastrophe."

A Rotten Pair.

(7b Alexander-William & Co.)

What has been the fruit of your sad transactions ?
Melon-Collie!

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 30, Loraine Road, Holloway, in the Parish of St. Mary, Islington, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Aj^ew «: Co.,.Lombard
Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and Published by hi n at No. 85, Fleet Street in the Parish of St. Bride,City of London.—Saturday, sepienaoer t,iaio.