Punch (69.1875)

November 20, 1875.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

205

AUTUMN LEAVES.

Operator {commencing Attack). " 'Hair's falling off very fast, Sir!"

Patient (carelessly). " Y-e-e-s."
Operator. " I can Rec-"

Patient (gaily). " 'Generally does this Time o' Yeab. Fresh Crop in
the Spring, y' know ! ! " (Snores.) [Operator sighs, and raises Siege.

" TELL MAMMA. WE ARE HAPPY."

The Prince is out among the Orient race,

Who must, some day,—
Remote, Punch hopes,—he subjects of his sway ;
He gazes on the grey East's changeless face

In far Bombay,
And he will be, in days of undreamt wonder,
Chequered, mayhap, with War's irrational thunder,
In that far Orient earth's foremost man—

Emperor of Hindostan!

Why, what was Prester John, a traveller's whim,

Or the Great Mogul,
To him who, from this island masterful
Goes forth to regions vague and strange and dim,

Fresh flowers to cull ?
New-censused myriads humbly bow before him—
A mighty Empire, eager to adore him,
Gladly his actions and his face will scan

Who must rule Hindostan.

Simple Bombay brightly illuminates

With Tell Mamma
That we are happy'1'' 'neath her sceptre fair,
Whose power is felt through all the Eastern States.

The pariah
Feels beneath English rule an equal calm
With son of Mahomet and breed of Brahm,
And thinks of when Victoria's rule began—

Empress of Hindostan.

And Hindostan is happy. Punch says " Yes."

Why should, it not,
So long as England's rule is strong and wise,
Have a fair share of human happiness

Beneath the skies ?
And when the Prince returns^rom hunts and durbars,
May he have pacified all weak disturbers,
And learnt, as such a Prince on Progress can,

The worth of Hindostan.

very well devilled.

Mr. Bull having been very properly reproved by his
wife for using bad language in connection with Turkey,
has bound himself not to say anything worse of that
repudiative power than " Devil take Turkey " till Christ-
mas. After which he must use stronger language.

BURIAL IN BEDS.

We must not believe all the world says ; but the Christian World
at least should speak the truth; and, if it does, the Established
Church appears to be in danger of losing a valuable Clergyman.
The Rev. Harry Hocken, Vicar of Cople, Bedfordshire, is, the
Christian World says, "a fanatical member of the Ritualistic
School." Ritualism is not commonly combined with logic ; and
the Ritualists who secede to Popery are exceptions. But—still
if we may credit the Christian World—the Vicar of Cople has
lately delivered himself of utterances sadly suggestive of the fear
that his Ritualism is too essentially Papistical to allow the hope
that he can continue much longer to hold his Protestant vicarage.
The late Archidiaconal Conference at Bedford included a debate
on Mr. Osborne Morgan's Burial Bill. In this controversy Mr.
Hocken took part; and some of his remarks are quoted by the
Christian World. They were directed principally against the Rev.
Hugh Blagg Smyth, Rector of Houghton, a previous speaker, who,
in moving an unsuccessful Amendment to a Resolution denouncing
the proposed measure of concession to Dissenters, "had delivered a
speech admirable for its kind Christian feeling and statesmanlike
moderation; but it seemed to have almost a maddening effect on
Mr. Hocken." Transcribed from out the text of the Christian
World, and with only the needful grammatical changes, set simply
together in the first person, the selections from the speech ascribed,
to that Reverend Gentleman may be read as under ; it being pre-
mised that the name of " Mr. Hugh Blagg Smyth," was " repeated
contemptuously" by him " at least a score of times:"—

"I wonder how Mr. Blagg Smyth could dare so'dreadfully to violate his

holy orders by introducing a motion so contrary to his profession.....

I amhorrified at the thought that this Mr. Hugh Blagg Smyth can be a
parish priest. . . . Some ladies with whom I lunched . . . also expressed their
horror at Mr. Hugh Blagg Smyth being now a priest in the Church of

England.....I must enter my protest against this horrible amendment,

which is so dreadfully discreditable to holy orders. . . . Such a horrible
amendment would be a curse to the Church of England ; and I should not
be surprised if Mr. Hugh Blagg Smyth, who would thus shake hands with
the Dissenters, would not hesitate to shake hands with that horrible man
who introduced that measure into Parliament, Mr. Osborne Morgan."

Does it not strike the reader how extremely the foregoing invec-
tive resembles that which his Holiness the Pope is accustomed to
hurl at parties who have incurred his animosity ? Only the Holy
Father never abuses anybody by name. He always limits himself
to vilifying the object of wrath by implication, or else under a pseu-
donym, calling him, for example, Herod, or Judas, or Pontius
Pilate. If Me. Hocken did really blackguard Mr. Hugh Blagg
Smyth as above, he will probably learn how to talk as a " temperate
controversialist," and curse in due canonical form, very soon.
Moreover, not only does he scold in a Papal style, but, in denouncing
a Clergyman for shaking hands with Dissenters by concession as to
the Burial Bill, he expresses an exclusiveness founded on ideas of
the effect of consecration on churchyards, quite special to Romanism.
Let us hope, however, that he has been misreported, and that the
Church of which he is an ornament need not hopelessly make up her
mind to lose him.

A Week after Marriage.

Mr. Law (angrily). But I tell you " Equity follows the Law."
Mrs. Law—formerly Miss Equity—(calmly). 0, that was so
before marriage ; but now I am to rule.

[See Judicature Act, 1873, sec. 25 (11).

From the Sublime to The Ridiculous.—The Porte and its
promises to pay.

vol. lxix.