Punch (69.1875)

October 9, 1875 ] PUNCH, OR TEE LONDON CHARIVARI. 137

A STRUGGLE FOR SUPREMACY.

Scene—A French Shop at tlie Sea-side.

Young Lady (wishing to improve her French). " 0—er—eskbr voos awy-"

Tradesman (wishing to shoiv off his English). " 0 yes, Meess— Sajrtenly ! "

Young Lady. " Alore vooly voo omroYAv-" Tradesman. " Vatevare yotj vill please, Meess!—Vare ? "

Young Lady. " Er—je dfmtjry Roo de l'Eokew, newmero-" Tradesman. "Vat Nombare, Meess?"

Young Lady. " 0, katter-vang-kangs ; vizervee le Bbwro de-"

Tradesman. " Yes, Mfess—in faice of ze Ofkece of Post.—Vat a beatjtifool Time it meks to-day ! " &c, &c, &c.

THE LATEST FASHION.

Scene—Pall Mall. Time— Three p.m. Perfect Swell discovered
lounging down the shady side. He wears the costume of " a
Gentleman of the period.'1'' To him enter Imperfect Swell,
attired in a suit of huge cheque dittos and a Prussian Helmet
wideawake hat. They encounter one another.

Imperfect Swell (surprised, but hearty). Hallo, you here! How
are you Y

Perfect Swell (annoyed, but polite). How are you? (Trying to
avoid Imperfect Swell.) Good-bye. See you again soon.

Imperfect Swell (laughing). I don't think you will for some time.
Fact is, I came from Switzerland yesterday, and to-morrow am off
to the Highlands. Only passing through, you know.

Perfect Swell (making another attempt to get away). Hope you'll
enjoy yourself. Good-bye.

Imperfect Sivell (not to be put off). But I say, look here. "Why
are you wearing a frock-coat and all that sort oi' thing, eh ? Been
to a wedding ?

Perfect Swell. No.

Imperfect Swell (surprised). No! Then why do you wear 'em ?

Perfect Swell. I am wearing them, I suppose, because every
fellow wears them. I mean to say (looking at Tourist costume with
intention), they seem to be the sort of things most fellows are wear-
ing just now.

Imperfect Swell (subdued). Really 1 Well, you see, I've been
away such a long time, that I'm quite out of it. But, I say—what
are you doing here ? Passing through, eh ?

Perfect Swell. 0 dear no. Been staying in Town for the last
three weeks.

Imperfect Swell. Come, you are joking! Staying in Town in
October!

Perfect Swell. Of course. Everybody here. But I am so sorry.
Really must run away—promised to meet a fellow at Prince's at
four. Ta, ta! [Exit, with a sigh of relief.

Imperfect Swell. Everybody in Town! Well, then, the Higl -
lands must wait!

[Exit, to " wake tip" his Tailor. Later in the day he dines at
his Club (established 187-), in full evening costume, to the
surprise of his friends, and the envy of his acquaintances.

MORE CIVIC IMPROVEMENTS!

In consequence of the very successful manner in which the plan
for the degradation of London Bridge has been devised and accepted,
several proposals for the further improvement of the Metropolis will
be brought forward at the next meeting of the Common Council:—

1. To avoid the detour of St. Paul's Churchyard, it will be pro-
posed to throw open the Cathedral as a public thoroughfare.
Carriages and carts will pass through at a walking pace.

2. Owing to the complaints made by several members of the
Common Council, who are also members of St. Stephen's Club, of the
interruption to their slumbers by Big Ben, a suggestion will be
made to the First Commissioner of Works to pull down the Clock
Tower, and melt the bells into something useful.

3. Temple Bar being both dangerous and unsightly, it will be
proposed to leave it in its present condition.

4. It will be proposed to excommunicate Punch for having dared
to impugn the taste of the Common Council!

vol. lxcx.

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