Punch (69.1875)

October 16, 1875.] PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 147

UP AND DOWN STAIRS.

Young Mistress (at the Parlour-Boor). " Eliza, what is that Bell Ringing

for so violently ? "

Cook (below). "It's on'y me, M'um. I want you down in the Kitching
a Minute ! ! "

THE OTTOMAN OUT-AT-ELBOWS.

So the Turkish Government is obliged to come to a
composition with its creditors, whom it proposes to pay,
for the next five years, half in cash and half in paper!
This is the result of gross extravagance, especially in
two principal branches of lavish expenditure—money
squandered to satisfy the demands of the Harem, and to
pay for the Fleet. Both the ships and the ladies are
more ornamental than useful. It is difficult to say which
the Sultan has found the more costly—his Ironclads or
his JSilkenclads. This cool act of repudiation will swell
the ranks of the rising against Turkey, by adding to the
other rayahs in revolt all the British creditors of the
Porte, who will now be just as eager to get rid of their
Turkish bonds as the Bosnians or Herzegovinese.

Vindication of Wales.

In tbe course of his discourse on Crime before the
Social Science Congress at Brighton, Lobd Abebdabe
mentioned that the crime of Wales, in proportion to the
population, is but half that of England. This statement
may help to remove from some minds a prejudice they
have been imbued with in the nursery, that—

" Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief."

This slanderous nursery-rhyme should be cancelled, or
re-written, now that Lobd Abebdabe has vindicated his
countrymen from the aspersion it implies. He has
demonstrated, by figures, that Taffy is not half such a
thief as John Bull.

Ward Hunt to his Friend Punch.

We haven't hauled down the British Flag
(See one of your recent productions),

But we 've chosen the other alternative—
We've hauled down our Mis-instructious.

a stbong case fob plimsoll.

If the report of Bishop Claughton's conduct in
the dismissal of the Head Master of Felstead Grammar
School be correct, his Lordship is clearly un-see-
worthy.

A SPEECH TO MEDICAL STUDENTS.

An exceptional " introductory lecture " was delivered on the first
instant, in the Medical School of the Westminster Hospital, by
Mb. Rjchabd Davy. In marked contrast with discourses reported
the next day, and filling much space, it must have greatly disap-
pointed many respectable persons who love to read, or sit and listen
to, a succession of moral and scientific platitudes. Mb. Davy—
according to a summary of his address—began by saying candidly
that:—

" He disapproved in toto of introductory addresses, but, at the request of
the Medical Council, conformed to custom. Both students and teachers pre-
ferred a day's pheasant shooting to hearing or giviDg an 'introductory.' As
a surgeon, he should cut down his sermon from an hour to fifteen minutes,
and his successor might still further reduce the volume of these fruitless
harangues."

Mb. Davy wronged himself in calling his lecture a " sermon."
It could have had no effect in common with morphia or mesmerism.
Still, in point of brevity, it was a model which preachers might
study.

Having touched on the subject of medico-chirurgical reform, the
Lecturer next, in a few strokes, gave his audience a sketch of their
professional prospects. He told them what honours and payment
they might hope to obtain by the practice of their noble calling.
Thus did he set forth the generosity with which an appreciative
Government, and a grateful Public, are accustomed to requite the
services of medical men:—

" Their salaries were simply miserable ; hospital physicians and surgeons
were, for the most part, unpaid. Poor Law Officers most piteously; surgeons
in the services very badly, and youn? practitioners not at all. For seven
years' hard work in the Marylebone Dispensary he had received one guinea,
and a very distinguished London assistant physician had found that his
salary equalled that of the man who put the skid on the omnibus wheels at
Holborn Hill."

Who, then, would enter the medical profession but a wealthy

philanthropist ? We should say nobody except a poor fool. Perhaps
this consideration may, in a measure, account for the shortcomings
of medical science, as well as for the general quality of the intro-
ductory lectures delivered on the First of October. Possibly, in
some cases, for that of the whole course.

Mb. Davy warmly supported a prophylactic Act of Parliament
denounced by sentimentalists. Moreover—

"He was pained at the nonsense which had been let off over vivisection.
Practical experiments were as important to medical men as to the Eoyal
Artillery at Dartmoor."

In conclusion—

" He advised every one to resign at once any and every tbought of becoming
a medical man unless he possessed three qualifications :—First, independence ;
second, an aptitude and love for the profession ; third, tbe readiness to pay ;t
heavy premium in this world for his prospects of reward in the next."

It may be hoped that Mr. Davy's introductory lecture will, if in
any sense a " sermon," at any rate not prove a "fruitless harangue."
The " lastly " of this " sermon " is commended to the attention of
all young men who dream of living by the practice of the medical
profession.

Longevity at Felstead.

Dear Me. Punch,

I see in the Guardian that the Felstead Rump have adver-
tised for a new Head-Master. They promise him £200 a-year, and
" five pounds capitation fee for every boy beyond 25 and up to 75,
two pounds for every boy beyond 75 and up to 150, and one pound
for every boy beyond 150." Will you please to let me know, per
return, whether these are the common ages of boys in Essex, and if
the longevity of that county extends to girls ? If so, I shall migrate
thither. Yours truly,

An Old Maid.

vol. lxix.