Punch (69.1875)

August 14, 1875.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 55

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

om Campbell might
bid

Plimsoll and of
Bates
Sing the dubious re-
nown

When in personal debates
"Merchant Shipping-' settled down.
Keid and Hunt fiercely bandying

Pro and con. ;
And Sib. Wilfrid hand to hand,
'Gamst Sib. Stafford making stand,
While Bentinck, big and bland,
Led them on!

Before getting to such, 'serious business (Commons—
Saturday Morning Sitting) as Me. Plimsoll's imputa-
tion and Me. Bates's refutation, Me. C. Lewis and the
Attobney-Genebal had a small (but troublesome)
bone to pick together. The said Smallbone appears to
be an old rogue who, by proceedings which Mr. Punch
prefers not to characterise in plain—or, rather, ugly—
English, having put his brother's widow to heavy costs,
for which she had a moral but not a legal claim on him, she was com-
pelled to file a bill in Chancery against him. The result was that
Smallbone was ordered by the Court to convey to her certain property
which he had "conveyed" to himself, and to pay some £60 of costs.
To defeat the claim against him, this amiable old gentleman made not
the smallest bones of collusively getting rid of his property, after pro-
viding for the costs of the enterprising attorney who had assisted him in
his equitable litigation. The upshot was that he found himself committed
to prison by the County Court Judge, at the cost of a violation of form,
and, through his own stupidity and that of his lawyer, was kept in
durance eight months. Admitting the irregularity of the sentence
itself, Mr. Punch can only say, " Sarved him right."
The most enterprising and active attorney in the House, Mb. C. Lewis (M.P. for Londonderry),
has brought the case before the House with professional eagerness to avenge violated form, and a
natural desire to make the most of his Smallbone. The House saw the last of it, it is to be hoped,
on Saturday. Me. Lewis wants to restrict the County Court Judge's power of committing
fraudulent debtors. Suppose, instead, he were to try his hand at a Bill for restricting Attorneys'
power of committing themselves, by bringing or defending fraudulent suits ?

On Civil Service Estimates, a hawk unnaturally proceeded to pike out hawks' een, De. Camebon
moving to strike off a grant of £200 towards chairs at Edinburgh and St. Andrew's for teachers.

The Scottish Schoolmaster might well have been abroad, and even aghast, at such a violation of
the good old Scottish rule— the simple plan—

" That Scots should get who had the power,
And Scots should keep who can."

De. Playfalb rebuked De. Cameeon, but the grant was withdrawn from the Estimate—a
Cross having been set against it.

Then came a very different vote—£454,368 for National Education in Ireland. Where the
National Exchequer gives £85, local contributors only give £14. Luckily the results of little
Paudeeen's schooling are better than the "results" of old Pat's payments, though even the
best might be better. But John Bull owes Pat a heavy debt for past blundering, oppression, and
injustice, and will do wisely to pay it in the shape of education expenses. What Ireland wants
are better and more loyal National School-teachers. What Irish National School-teachers want
are better houses and better stipends; and we rejoice to know that Government is giving both,
though stiU with too timid a hand. Even pensions to superannuated teachers are in prospect.

. If the " results " of Irish National schooling are not as good as could be wished, both countries
will find better payment by these " results " than any other that is likely to come of money spent
for Pat out of J. B.'s pocket.

And then came regrettable debates in re Bates. The maritime Member for Plymouth, out-
raged by Mb. Plimsoll's question if he is, or is not, the Mb. Bates who last year figured at a
painfully high figure in the Wreck Register, wants a Select Committee to clear himself of the
imputation which he feels—and, no doubt, rightly feels—to be implied against him, ;of ship-

knacking. As far as classification
and insurance returns can clear a
man, Me. Bates has cleared himself,
but wants a Select Committee to go
into the matter, and bring him out
as clean as a man naturally wishes
to stand before the House and the
country, after the shadow of such an
imputation has been flung over him.

Me. Plimsoll is in too excited
and critical a state of health, we
are sorry to hear, to be trusted
with a "personally-conducted" de-
bate, and Me. Reed, on whom he
leans, contrived to lisp out a " modus
apohgendi" after much heated ques-
tion how far Me. Plimsoll had
retracted, how far he was bound
to retract, and much collision of
words and wit, in which the House
took that eager and interested part
which it may be trusted to take in
a personal question. The late Con-
structor of the Navy showed all his
acknowledged cleverness of con-
struction, and his skill in avoiding
misconstruction even by two of its
most belligerent Baronets, Sib W.
Lawson and Sib C. Dilke, and some
of its most amiable officials, as Lord
Sandon, Sib Staeeobd Noethcote,
Me. Waed Hunt, and the Leader of
Her Majesty's Opposition, besides
less minacious outsiders, in the Reso-
lution (accepted nem. con.)—

"That in the opinion of this House,
no stain rests upon the character of the
Honourable Member for Plymouth, in
consequence of the statements made in
this House by the Honourable Member
for Derby on the 22nd of July."

The House has at ieast shown its
sense by not crowning the waste of
Saturday's discussion by the blunder
of a Select Commission for an in-
quiry safe to be more personally
conducted than the most tribulatory
tour of too many Cooks in which
broth was ever spoilt.

Best part of Saturday's morning
sitting was consumed in this hot and
heady fight. It was announced as
a Bitting for the 'dispatch of busi-
ness. In one sense only business
was dispatched—it was very effec-
tually killed by overlaying with
Bates and Plimsoll. The only
thing on which the House is to be
congratulated is for not taking its
Bates at his word. It would cer-
tainly have been drawn into a trap.

Monday (Lords).—Last stages of
a batch of Bills rattled through.
Q. b.f. f. q. s. In plain English,
good luck to them!

(Commons.) A hard night's work,
trying to stop gaps in the Stop-Gap
Merchant Shipping Bill. This Bill
can only be described as " unsea-
worthy" when it came into the
House, and Punch sorely fears it
will hardly deserve to be called
seaworthy when it comes out.

Me. Reed first tried to carry a
Resolution, on going into Commit-
tee, in favour of a load-line, whether
sanctioned or recorded by Govern-
ment. This was only meant to ven-
tilate the load-line point, and the
Resolution was withdrawn when this
had been effected. The real fight
came in Committee when the House
so unmistakably showed its deter-
mination to have some load-line,
that, after opposition from Sib C.

vol. lxix.

g