Punch (69.1875)

146

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[October 9, 1875.

"THERE BE LAND RATS."

Jack Ashore. " Bill, just keep a Heye on my Jewel-case 'ere while I go and get the Tickets. There's a lot o Shakks

always cruisin' about these railway stations, i 've heard i "

FLOURISH FELSTEAD!

Now that the Rf,v. "W. S. Gbignon has heen dismissed hy the
Trustees of Felstead School, a new Head Master will probably be
required for that once rising educational establishment. Mr. Punch
has great pleasure in preparing an Examination Paper which should
be immediately submitted to Candidates for the appointment. A
single answer in the affirmative to any of the following simple ques-
tions will of course be an ample proof that the competitor does not
possess the necessary qualifications for the peculiar position he
wishes to occupy.

1. Do you think it advisable that a Head Master should call the
attention of Parents and Guardians of his Pupils to the existence of
a neglected fever raging iu a School over which he has (theoretically)
the supreme control Y

2. Do you think a Head Master, who properly represents his
subordinates, should feel aggrieved if his Assistants are told to go
to the Matron to get the cheques for the salaries due to them ?

3. Do you think a quarter's notice, given with the scantiest
courtesy, an improper or insufficient warning of dismissal, when
addressed to a respectable Clergyman, who has spent twenty of the
best years of his life as Head Master of a School he has rescued, by
his exertions, from debt and obscurity ?

4. Do you think that the aged Clerk of the Trustees of a School is
an improper person to become the Steward of the School of which
his employers are the Trustees—do you, in fact, object to his filling
two positions, in which the duty of servant and master are strangely
jumbled together ?

5. Do you think there should be any appeal to a higher power in
the case of the Trustees neglecting to perform the duties they wtre
appointed to perform ?

6. And, lastly (most important of all), in the event of your being
appointed Head Master of Felstead School, will you expect to be
treated with the courtesy and respect generally accordtd to a person
claiming to be a scholar, a gentleman, and a divine ?

NATIONAL MISTAKES.

{By a Dyspeptic Newspaper-Reader.)

It is a mistake to imagine that water-tight compartments can
be relied on to keep iron-clads afloat, if they strike on a rock, en-
counter a ram, or are struck by a torpedo.

It is a mistake to imagine that our Naval Officers understand their
husiness.

It is a mistake to rely upon our Navy as a first line of defence
against invaders.

It is a still greater mistake to rely upon our Regular Army as a
second.

A greater still to trust to the Militia as a possible third.

And the greatest of all mistakes to regard the Volunteers as any-
thing better than an armed mob.

It is a mistake to imagine that the British Flag is the standard of
freedom, and that slaves setting foot upon British ground (including
the quarter-decks of Her Majesty's ships) " never, never, never shall
be slaves" any more.

It is a mistake to imagine that with the freest and finest
Constitution in the world, we are free from the lowest political
vices.

It is a mistake to believe that our houses are our castles, so long
as we live under the sway of Bumbledom.

In fact, it is the greatest mistake in the world to believe now-a-
days that Britannia rules the waves, or that John Bull has the
slightest right to turn up his nose at the follies, shortcomings, or
vices of his neighbours.

Potato Show, Alexandra Palace.

Exhibitors, Committee too,

Around the tables moved with air profound,
"Wearing the looks of men who knew

The Eyes of England on them, and around !

Printed by Joseph Rmith, of No. 30, Loraine Road, Hollowav. in the Parish of St Mary, Islington, in t> e County of Middlesex, at the Printing offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Agnew, * Co., Lombard
Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of Lonion, and published By him at .no. 85,1 If et Street, ii tbe Parish of St. Bride, City of London.—Satchu.i Ootjoer 'J, ioia