Punch: Punch (69.1875)

136

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 2, 1875.

PREPARATION !

Parsons Daughter {to the Squire's Keeper). u What aee you doing with the Pheasants, Muggles ?"

Keeper. " Well, Miss, there's a lot o' City Gents a comin' down with Master to Shoot on the First, so I'm a takin'

a few o' their FLIGHT FeATHEES OUT 1 "

GENTLEMEN HELPS.

{Apply'to Punch's'Registration Office.)

Reginald Deuceace wants an Engagement in a decent Family.
Snobs objected to, and needn't come bothering. He doesn't intend
to do any dirty work, and he is going to get up when be likes; but
in return for a liberal salary, be will teach his Employer any or every
game of cards that exists, give him a few wrinkles for Pool, make
him a book on the next Derby, and teach him to mix American drinks.

Medicus (Middlesex Hospital) has studied this question, and sees
that Helps are only to be used when there can be three or four of
them. He knows three other first-rate fellows (all ploughed in last
Exam.) who would be very happy to join him, and get an Engage-
ment in a comfortable house (as their present lodgings are beastly),
where there is a billiard-table. In return for their grub and bed,
they will all be delighted to perform operations on their Employer,
to_ write him as many prescriptions as he likes, and if they kill him,
will dissect him in the most artistic manner. Troublesome dogs or
cats in the neighbourhood promptly vivisected. N.B.—No old
frumps, or Ladies who object to Beer or Birdseye, need apply.

Hon. Fitzroy Plantagenet has heard of this sort of thing, and
thinks it will suit him down to the ground. He has no objection to
living in anybody's house, and being treated as one of the Family,
if he is paid a pot of money for it.

F. 0. Clark wants an Engagement in a Provincial Family
desirous of entering Society. His terms are high, but he is worth
the money, having been in good Society all his life. He will teach
the men of the family to walk, talk, bow, ride, and generally
behave themselves everywhere, from the ring at Doncaster to a ball
at Buckingham Palace. He will impart instruction to the girls in
dancing, flirting, and polite conversation. If his efforts meet with
success, he will furnish his employers with some good introductions.

John (generally called Jack) Harkaway, having come a howler
over the Leger, is stumped. Wishes to come across a muff, who
wants it taken out of his horses. Doesn't mind tooling a drag or
tandem in the Park, but objects to a one-horse brougham. Will

drive his Master to fires, but won't wait outside theatres, and will |
be blowed if he '11 put on livery.; .

Wood B. Benedict thinks it's all very well talking about ninety jj
million (he is not quite certain about the figures) superfluous women,

Hut there seem to be a jolly lot of superfluous men. He is one. He I

has got five hundred a year, and only spends a thousand, but he i

wants to marry and settle down, only the girls of the present day ]

are so sharp. If any of this superfluous stock (under forty, and I

with more than two thousand pounds a year) will marry him, he ;■

don't mind. P.S.—He never advertised before, but, while he is [
about it, will do the right thing. N.B.—Reduction made on taking
a quantity.

AN UNLUCKY OMISSION.

It is much to be regretted—considering the comments called forth £
by the letter which Colonel Ponsonby, by Her Majesty's com- i
mand, lately addressed to the Commodore of the Royal Victoria i.
Yacht Club—that the letter was not printed in its entirety. It was \
written on two pages, the second of which seems to have been S
detached by some unlucky accident before the letter reached the 1
papers.

Punch is glad to be able to supply the missing passage :— J
" At the same time, the Queen has commanded'.'me to remind all ji
Officers of Her Majesty's Navy of the importance, especially in the I
navigation of much-frequehted waters, of keeping a careful look- j
out, and never, under any circumstances, exceeding such a rate of
speed as will leave them in thorough control of their vessels.^ Above
ail, the Queen hopes the Officers of her Navy will bear in mind that
the maritime rule of the road—according to which vessels under steam
shall give way to vessels under sail, as being less manageable—
admits of no exception, whatever be the dignity of the flag or rank of
the passengers on board of the vessel on which steam is employed."

Had this passage of the letter accompanied the portion already
made public, we should probably have heard nothing of the disagree-
able comments provoked by the publication of the first part only,
without the context.

Printed bv Joseph Smith, of No. 30,Loraine Eoad, Holloway, in the Parish of 8t. Mary, Islington, in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Agnew, & Co., Lombuiu

" "shed by him at No. 85, Fleet Street in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.—Saicrdaj October

Street, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and Published 1