Punch (73.1877)

196

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[November 3, 1877.

A VERY PARTICULAR MAMMA.

ere is an opening:, from a recent
number of the Guardian, for a
lady really fond of children, and
■with a temper above proof.

TO LADIES fond of Child-
ren, and desiring a Home.
A Lady has attended to her
first child (eighteen months)
entirely herself; perambulating
him, doing everything (with-
out exception) for him herself.
She is unwilling to risk his
health, temper, pronunciation,
by entrusting him, even for a
minute, to servants. He is
consequently healthy and fine
tempered. She is anxious to
do the same for her second
infant. She seeks the assist-
ance of a Lady, in the con-
scientious and patient discharge
of these two duties. She is
visiting the most beautiful and
healthful places in the United
.... , Kingdom choosing where to

-———-^™-"~~ ri1.'^ settle. Indispensables — good

health (out of doors whenever
weather permits) patience, cheerful disposition, real Christianity, the training
and education of a lady, the purest (University) pronunciation, the refined
pronunciation of the best society. Total abstainer preferred.—Address,
stating age, anttcedents, educational acquirements, remuneration, &c.

Only fancy, Mamma and her Lady-help at loggerheads over this

most precious of babbies !

OUR REPRESENTATIVE MAN.

A Peep into Paris—Something of Importance—Bach to England-
Theatres— ()ff again.

Sir,

The situation in France is vin blanc—i.e. Grave,

Me void! Here I am on the spot, and red's your player in hand,
as I said to the Marshal t'other night at billiards. Don't be afraid.
I am as calm as Victor Hugo on the night of " The Crime."

There is nothing like being Victor Hugo-ish. It always tells. The
other morning the sweeps came early to my house in the Rue de
Double Gras aux petits pois. A tremendous row. Servants terrified.
At one bound I leapt from the bed, and put on ma robe de chambre.

My wife, who has not yet mistress'd the French language,
exclaimed,

" Ou goez-vous ? "

" Hu go est—moi! " I returned, with one of my readiest and
choicest jeux de mots, all fresh, home made, and warranted to keep
dry in any climate.

Then she pulled herself together.

" Que vas tu faire, mon ami ? " she cried.

" Mon devoir."

Elle m'embrassa, et ne me dit que ce seul mot:
"Fais! "

Then she added, sotto voce, " Et ne me botherez pas." After
which she sidled off into a sweet slumber.

Then I descended to the front door. The concierge was shivering
in his bed, crying, alternately, "Vive le Marechal! " "Vive la
Republique ! " and " Vive la Compagnie ! "

I opened the porte (it requires no corkscrew to open the porte in
France), and admitted the Sweeps. lis me saluerent.

I do not assign any deep political signification to this incident.
But it merely shows that, at all events, I am ready.

"With two Countesses and a Duchess I went to see Bi'be the other
night. "We all recognised the outrageous improbability of the inge-
nious farce, and were immensely amused.

A propos of such a piece as Bebe, I was struck by the absence of
ingenuity on the part of the English playwrite {Vide my new
Dictionary:—" Wheelwright, wrighter of wheels. Playwrite, writer
of plays") in his adaptation to the English stage of Les Dominos
Poses. In Paris, there is just that soupcon of possibility about it
claimed by Puff f'or his plot which dealt with " things so strange
that, though they never did, they might happen." (Anent all this,
study Puff in Act I.) But in London, with its vulgar Cremorne
(what would the Adapter do now that this elegrant resort of the
'Arry-stocracy is abolished?) and its totally different life, there
is not the slightest soupcon of possibility, and certainly not of pro-
bability, about the whole affair. And this is just why the Pink
Dominos, being utterly extravagant, can have no more moral
or immoral tendency than have the knaveries, the cruelties, and

the gross indecencies (if seriously considered) of the Clown and
Pantaloon at Christmas time. Clown robs shopkeepers, knocks off
tall people's heads, makes violent love to all the ladies in the street,
going so far as in some instances to rob them of much of their attire,
and then he defies and contemns the Law, by causing the policeman
to come down heavily on the butter-slide. O tempora, 0 mores !
0 Cakes and Ale ! The Licenser was no more to blame for passing
the Pink Dominos than he is for permitting half-a-hundred Panto-
mimes. And what is the meaning of the office of Licenser, if there
is to be no Licence ?

At the request of the Marshal I went to see La Cigale, and was
able to report most favourably of Mdlle. Chaumont's acting, for
whom the piece was written. We are to have The Grasshopper at
the Gaiety, with Miss Nellie Farren in what is professionally
termed "the title role." Apropos of the Gaiety, I left my house
in the Rue de Double Gras aux petits pois on purpose to come and
see Miss Nellie Farren as Faust, and Mr. Terry as Mephis-
tophilcs, in their marvellously funny imitation of the great Zazel
feat. It is capital; but I think that there might be more dialogue
between Miss Farrene in the cannon and the Mr. Farrlni out of it.
Perhaps, however, this might have overloaded the great gun trick.
The choice of the subject was excellent, were it only for the sake of
Miss Kate Vaughan in Marguerite. Mr. Royce is very funny in
Valentine, and Here Lutz's arrangement of the music is thoroughly
well done. There is a grotesque but graceful quartette dance ot the
principal characters, and a duett dance, where Miss Amalia as Martha
(why wasn't it the 14Martha"—i.e., Arthur Sketchley's Mrs.
Brown ?) executes some very pretty steps. The biggest fun of the
piece is in the imitation of the Zazel feat, and the serenade under
the window, the former being quite enough of itself to make a bur-
lesque. Good notion getting Mr. Soutar to play the Old Faust
at the commencement. And, by the way, the first scene is, properly
speaking, the only really burlesque one in the extravaganza, which
is rather a comic version of a story in which Faust, Marguerite, and
Mephisto are leading characters, than a burlesque of either poem or
play (such, for example, as was Mr. Byron's Lady of Lyons, the
best of all burlesques) ; and this is what is intended, I suppose,
by its being described in the bills as " The Gaiety not the Goethe
Version." The Last Scene, " The Market-place at Seidlitzberg," is
one of the prettiest that has been seen at the Gaiety.

I shall have to run round and see Mr. Honey, as Engaged by Mr.
Gilbert at the Haymarket, and La Marjolaine at the Royalty.
Amy Robsart has re-appeared at Drury Lane, and Mr. Wills is
going to have a piece produced at the Duke's Theatre. It is called
Camomile, or Camille, I forget which ; but we shall soon know.
Ere this appears, the International Theatre, under Alexander (the
Great) Henderson, will have opened with a piece from the French,
called Russia. Several novel experiments are advertised by the
new lessee of the late Queen's, in order to make his theatre popular.
A promenade and cheap tariff, and also that, though the lowest
price is only sixpence, you need not go in unless you like. This is
a great boon to the public, and the Manager is to be congratulated
on his tact. Why doesn't he start a Circus, and produce Mr. Wills
on Pegasus, by kind permission of Mr. Chattebton ?

The Opera Comique is to re-open with an " Eccentric Absurdity,"
libretto by Mr. Gilbert, music by Dr. Sullivan,—unless, in order
to keep up the idea of eccentricity and absurdity, they have arranged
that the libretto should be by Dr. Sullivan, and music by Mr.
Gilbert.

And now I must return to the Rue de Double_ Gras, to meet the
Conseils Generaux, and to vote nineteen times in as many arron-
disements.

" Please to remember
The Fifth of November."

V The 'Ides have come," as the Tanner said. Ay, Marshal, but
not gone. Under which King, Parisian ? speak or die! I am off
again from Victoria or Holborn Viaduct.

Whenever the sea I'm obliged to cross over,
I go by the London, Chatham, and Dover.

Preferring as little of the Channel as I can possibly have for my
money ; and then the buffet at Calais is most refreshing to such a
weary but cheery traveller as is your Representative.

Notices of Removal

{That we shoirtdn't mind).

The Bow Street Police-Court to the top of Helvellyn ;
The Duke of York's Column to the bottom of the Bay of Biscay ;
The London Statues, generally, to Tierra del Fuego ;
The Charing Cross Station to the Goodwin Sands;
The "Wellington Arch at Hyde Park Corner, to the centre of South
Africa;.

The Blackfriars Obelisk down the crater of Vesuvius ; and

The Roof of the Albert Hall right over the top of the North Pole.