Punch (74.1878)

192

[ApfiL 27, 1878.

0

COMING FROM THE DOGS.

i sr Easter Monday a deputation waited
upon the Eight Hon. Mr. Toby to
complain of the increase of the
Dog-Tax. On the Right Hon. quadru
ped making his appearance, he was re
ceived with much barking and wagging
of tails.

Sir Fox Hound
(who introduced the
Deputation) said
that he appeared on
behalf of his poorer
brethren rather
than for himself.
The increased tax
would not cause him
much personal in-
convenience. Fox-
hunting would
always be popular in
England. (" Bow,
woiv ! ") The sport
was supported by
the aristocracy, the

middle, and even the humbler, classes, and a slight increase in subscriptions
would meet the additional impost. He was quite sure that in spite of the obser-
vations of Mr. Chaplin, M.P., in another place, every M. F. H. would cheer-
fully pay the additional half-crown. Fox-hunters were the last people in the
world to claim an advantage for the rich over the poor. Their noble sport was
a luxury—he might say a necessary luxury—and as a luxury should be paid
for. The matter was very different with the poorer classes. He thought that
the Chancellor of the Exchequer had not extended his exemptions far enough.
{Much barking.) Having thus briefly opened the proceedings, he would allow
some of the other members of the Deputation to give tongue for themselves.
{Great tail-wagging a.)

Mr. Mongbel said that he heartily agreed with the last speaker. Exemp-
tions from the Tax had been granted to sheep-dogs and the guides of blind
beggars. Well and good; but was this enough? {Growls.) No; certainly
not. Take his own case—a case that should receive the hearty sympathy of
the Right Hon. quadruped be had the honour of addressing. He was an employe
in the travelling Dramatic Company of Messrs. Codling and Short. {Barks.)
He had the honour of filling what they would perhaps allow him to call the
leading part in the great world-drama of Punch and Judy—{Immense barking) —
that drama which, perhaps, more than any other fulfilled Shaksbeare's grand
conception of the function of the Stage—■" to hold the mirror up to nature, to
show Virtue her own feature, Scorn her own image, and the very age and
body of the time its form and pressure." The Managers of the Company to
which he belonged, like all Managers who took a high view of their duties, were
poor, and it seemed hard that they should be subject to the payment of this
impost. He could personally testify to the invaluable lessons given to the
British public by the performances in which he had taken part, and that at
the age at which the mind is most susceptible of impressions. He had him-
self, he hoped, given many tender shoots a twist the right way, and taught
many young ideas to shoot straight. Under these circumstances he trusted they
would not consider it presumptuous if he claimed to be considered as a public
benefactor and instructor, and in that character maintained that he was entitled
to exemption. (" Boiv, wow ! ")

Mr. Poodle apologised for his French nationality, but said that he had been
so long a resident in this country that he considered himself quite an English-
man {'"Bow, ioow ! ") He too belonged to the theatrical profession, thoughnot
in the same elevated sphere of it as the Dog who had just addressed them.
His, he admitted, was a very humble walk of the Drama. In fact, he belonged
to the ground and lofty business. He was, in plain English, a sawdust Dog.
It was his duty to jump through hoops, go up ladders, walk in grotesque
costumes on his hind, or even fore, legs, drive a globe up an incline by the
shuffling of his feet, and so forth. These exercises, humble as they might
appear, had cost himself and his instructors long years of labour, much
patience, and not a little suffering. His performances, he was happy to say,
were popular. But popularity did not always mean wealth. {"Bow, wow ! ")
His Manager found it difficult to make both ends meet, and he was, in his
(Mr. Poodle's) opinion as deserving of consideration as the blindest of blind
beggars. What, in fact, were poor Managers but blind beggars, if you come to
that f {Much barking.)

Mr. Bull Dog said that he had joined the Deputation because, like his friend
and protector (Mr. John Bull), he loved fair play. {Loud barking.) He
thought that the Tax would be hard'upon the poor Man—who loved his Dog.
{Prolonged barking.) Even Bill Sikes had a heart for the four-legged com-
panion of his leisure hours. His friends who had spoken were representatives
of hundreds—nay, thousands—of other equally harmless and useful quadrupeds.
{"Bow, wow ! ") Surely, when Cartes de Visite, Christmas Cards, Valentines,
and Dinner Menus were free from duty, it was a shame to Tax the poor Man's
Dog ! (Great wagging of tails.)

Mr. Toby was sorry to say that he feared it was too late to do anything in the
matter this year, but that it was to be hoped that the views of the Deputation

would have weight next spring. He would say for him-
self and his excellent friend, Mr, Punch {great barking),
that the views which had been submitted to him by the
Deputation appeared to be very fair and reasonable.
The poor Man's Dog was often the poor Man's best friend,
and it was a shame to tax him. {Renewed barking.)
Invidious remarks had been made about Dogs that were
fed upon new milk and legs of mutton that should have
gone to wives and children. All he could say was that
that was not the Dogs' fault, but their Masters'.

The Deputation having thanked Mr. Toby for his
courtesy, retired, wagging their tails.

THE TURKISH THERMOMETER.

{Recent Readings at Constantinople.)

Boiling Point, 120. Grand Banquet with the British

Ambassadors. Turks prepared to
march on St. Petersburg.
100. Dinner with the English Consul-
General. Turks drink the health
of the Queen on their knees.
90. Entertainment on board the British
Fleet. Turks receive " Rule,
Britannia" with enthusiastic
applause.

80. Lunch with the British Secretary of
Legation. Turks prostrate them-
selves at the name of Lord Salis-
bury.

70. Breakfast with an English attache.
Turks express satisfaction with
the Leaders in the Morning Post
and Advertiser, Pall Mall Ga-
zette, and Daily Telegraph.

60. Five o'clock tea with Mrs. Layard.
Turks discuss the Eastern Ques-
tion from a British point of view.

50. Distribution of the contents of his
cigar-case by a British T.Gr. of
Turcophile tendencies. Turks
talk of the Russians with the con-
tempt they deserve.

40. Excursion, in steam-launch, on the
Golden Horn, with an English
Admiral. Turks speak of the
British Fleet with the respect it
naturally inspires.
Below Freezing, 30. Grand Breakfast with the Russian

Grand Duke. Turks receive the
name of the Czar with enthusi-
asm.

20. Grand Lunch with the Russian
Grand Duke. Turks insult the
British Standard, and express a
wish to impale Mr. Layard.

10. Grand Dinner with the Russian
Grand Duke. Turks swear to
defend Constantinople against
the aggressive ambition of the
English nation.
Zero . . 0. Grand Supper with the Russian

Grand Duke. Turks declare them-
selves ready to march immedi-
ately upon London and Calcutta.

Verdict of the Lower Ten.

This ain't a poor man's Budget—
Who says 'tis, tells a cracker.

Only twopence a pound on money,
And fourpence a pound on 'bacca I

not " sweetness."

Petition to Mr. Buchanan of the Author whose work
the Critics wonH notice :—

'Eu 5e (pasi Kal 6\ecr.roi'.,>

The Darwinian Theory Contradicted {Seethe^ Cam-
bridge Crew). — "Natural selection," resulting in the
" survival of the C/w-fittest."