Punch (74.1878)

Mat 4, 1878.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 193

BRAVO, TOEO!

" EuROrE, of course, now smiles upon us, cheers us on, and
prepares, in our eyes, the laurel-wreath which is to reward our
first successes. It would be more to the purpose if we were not
left alone to vindicate treaties, and fight the battle of Europe."

Times.

" Bravo, Brave Bull! " So swells the foreign chorus,
And grateful such rare plaudits seem to Taurus.
So the Bull swells and sleeks like fondled Cat,
Much relishing the Gaul's applausive pat,
And nattering1 titillation of the Teuton,
That both to fight would urge the generous brute on.
Just so a ring of rowdies in the street,
Whene'er at fisticuffs two boobies meet,
"Will cheer them on. There's bound to be some fun,
And, probably, good pickings ere all's done.
But. Bull, beware ! 'Tis vastly fine to pose,
As Europe's champion 'gainst Europe's foes;
'Tis very nice to hear the round of praises,
Which, with her tongue in cheek, all Europe raises,
But ere you swallow down the tribute votive,
Perhaps 'twere well to scrutinise its motive.
Jacko, the monkey, can't too much admire
Poor puss who pulls his chestnuts from the fire ;
But only let Grimalkin burn her paws,
And monkey will to mockery turn applause.
Which of Bull's backers all would care a penny
If, like the immortal cats of famed Kilkenny,
Roused Bull and Bear each other should belabour
Into sheer helplessness, to please a neighbour,
Be't Gaul or Teuton, Austrian or Turk,
Who all would reap the fruits, the labour shirk ?
Then, verbimi sap., dear Bull, If you must fight,
See that it is for honour, safety, right;
For a fair place in Fame's true libro cVoro,
And not mere windy shouts of " Bravo, Toro ! "

A LESSON IN SUBTRACTION.

Aunt Bella. "Now look here, Tommy. Suppose there were three
Apples on the Tabl*. Could I take away One and leave Three?"
Tommy. "Oh, No, Auntie! Certainly not j "
Aunt Bella. "And why, Tommy?"
Tommy. " Because; it avouldn't be Polite!"

the new peer.

Mrs. Malapropos glad that "the Unhappy Noble-
man " at Dartmoor has at last got his rights. She
hears that he has been called to the Upper House under
the title of "Baron Orton."

Toast for Ritualist Tables.—Vested Interests.

THE OPENING OE THE EKENCH EXHIBITION.

By Fictob Nogo.

What is grand is magnificent. What is magnificent is sublime,
The Exposition is sublime—therefore it is magnificent and grand.
A glorious Trinity of adjectives. In a word—France!

I dressed myself. I put on a coat, a hat, I carried an umbrella.
Not a sword, but an umbrella. The sword is the weapon of the sol-
dier. The umbrella belongs, or should belong, to the citizen. The
Man ennobles the Thing. The Thing is therefore as grand as the
Man. The umbrella is the symbol of the citizen. Sublime thought!
Truth conquers Falsehood, the Grand overwhelms the Mean. The
citizen and his umbrella are equally Great, are equally to be
applauded. Applaud, then—and heartily !

We entered an omnibus. I sat near the door, my umbrella reposed
beside me. There were other passengers. Mind, not men—but pas-
sengers ! A passenger is one who pays six sous. All money is base.
A sou is the basest form of money. One who pays six sous must be
baser still. Therefore the passengers were the basest of creatures.
Miserables !

I will tell you why. When we approached the Exhibition I
called upon the conductor to stop. The progress of the omnibus
was arrested. I put down the window. A Miserable complained.
He said he had a cold ! I withered him with a scornful glance, and
put my head out of the window. There was a young citizen stand-
ing in the road. He was in rags, and young, but still a citizen. All
citizens are grand, and the citizen of Paris is the grandest of all
citizens. Why ? Because there are two worlds—Paris and another.
The other world is insignificant. It is unworthy of further attention.
EnoughI

I commenced a speech to this young citizen. I spoke of the
marvels of Peace, of Commerce, of Truth, of Civilisation, of the Sub-
lime. The passengers remonstrated. They said that they wished to
arrive at their destination ! They appealed to the conductor. The
conductor appealed to me. I called him an embodied check-string,

a hand attached to a bell-pull, an appendage of an Administration.
I continued my speech. It was cut short by a subterfuge. The omni-
bus moved on suddenly—with a jerk ! It would have been at any time
an outrage. Committed while I was speaking, it became a crime.

We arrived at the Exhibition. We descended. I led the way.
My umbrella accompanied me. I presented myself at the gate. I
was refused admission. I was asked for money by a wretch in a
uniform. I remonstrated in the name of Civilisation. I asked if
Civilisation must show the passport of Mammon. The Uniform had
no answer. An impatient crowd of patriots were waiting for entrance
behind me. I was the bar to their progress. I, the incarnation of
Progress. Strange contradiction. But only momentary. They com-
bined their sous. They passed them to the Uniform. I passed in.

My entrance was greeted with indescribable enthusiasm by those
who had been behind me. It was grand, solemn, over-powering.

I looked around. The American Department attracted my atten-
tion. America is the Child of France. America is the home of
Liberty, of Equality, of Curious Drinks. I approached. I was offered
a sombre beverage with a name full of meaning. It was called a
"Corpse Reviver." I raised the glass to my lips. I gave a toast—
"Wisdom and Power, the Stripes and the Tricolor; the Past, the
Present, and the Future—in a word, France and the United States! "
I drank.

(The rest of the MS. is illegible.)

Sick Chancellors.

With Diplomacy at wit's end

No wonder illness mingles :
Here's Prince Gortschakofe in fever,

And Prince Bismarck in the shingles.

No wonder his blood tingles—
Blowing up, or out, war's coals—■

Till what to-day is shingles,
To-mormw may be shoals.

VOL, LXX1V.