DOI Heft:
May 18, 1878
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17732#0219
Mat 18, I8?8i PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 21;
LAW AND LICENCE.
S Censor Morum, Mr. Punch has much pleasure in
publishing; the following account of a meeting of
the Diddlesex Magistrates, held with a view to
granting Wine and Spirit Licences to certain places of public
entertainment. It shows what admirable assistants his censorship
has in the Diddlesex Bench.
On taking his seat on the Bench, the Chairman complained that
the Clerk had not touched his hat to him. He would have the
Clerk know that the Magistrates were determined that they should
he treated with respect by everybody.
The Clerk having explained that he was short-sighted, and had
not seen the Chairman, the business of the day was commenced.
Mr. Mild mat, Q,.C., said that he had the honour to appear for
Sir Raleigh CRicaTON, the proprietor of the Etherial Restaurant,
which, as the Bench might know, was connected with the Etherial
Fine-Art Gallery.
The Chairman said that the Bench knew nothing of the sort.
The Bench were not to be bullied.
Mr. Mildmat, Q, C, disavowed any intention of bullying the
Bench. He would respectfully state that Sir Raleigh had spent a
very large sum of money upon the Fine-Art Gallery.
Mr. Dogderrt (a Magistrate).—We don't want to hear anything
about that. What have we got to do with the Fine Arts ?
Mr. Mildmat, Q,,C, begged to explain. Sir Raleigh had opened
his Gallery more for the promotion of culture than as a source of
profit. The frequenters of the Gallery belonged to the most respect-
able classes, and were sure not to abuse the privileges accorded to
the Restaurant. He respectfully asked for a spirit-licence to the
Etherial Restaurant.
The Chairman- asked if the Restaurant were a public-house ?
Mr. Mildmat, Q.C.—Certainly not.
The Chairman.—Well, we are here to license public-houses.
People seem to think we are here for the convenience of the public.
I have no hesitation in saying that we are here for nothing of the
sort.
The other Magistrates heartily concurred in their Chairman's
statement.
Mr. Verges (a Magistrate).—Besides, this Sir Raleigh Crichton,
or whatever his name is, has treated us with disrespect. I won't
say anything about the private view, but-
Mr. Mildmat, Q,.C, interposed. He was sure that Sir Raleigh
had not the slightest intention of showing disrespect to the Bench.
He was quite certain that the Bench would consider the case entirely
on its own merits.
After two minutes' conversation, the licence was unanimously
refused.
Mr. Serjeant Bttzfuz then rose to ask for a spirit-licence for Mr.
Melter Moss, the proprietor of the Ptoyal and Imperial Pig-and-
Whistle Music-Hall and Casino. The learned Serjeant reminded the
Magistrates that the licence had not been applied for for the last seven
years, as Mr. Moss (through a misunderstanding) had been residing
at Dartmoor and Portland. He asked for the licence with con-
siderable confidence, as the Royal and Imperial Pig-and-Whistle
Music-Hall and Casino in years gone by had'been well known to the
police. Mr. Melter Moss had a very kind heart, and never allowed
any of his guests to depart until they had had a good sleep under
the tables, and were quite sober.
The Chairman" interrupted the learned Serjeant to inform him
that the Bench had unanimously agreed to grant Mr. Melter Moss
his licence.
MEPHISTOPHELES AND MARGARET.
At Hawarden the other day, when the delegates from the
Manchester Liberal Conference and the Welsh Liberals waited on
Mr. Gladstone,
"One of the speakers was Mr. William Mather (Salford), who in the
course of his speech asked Mr. Gladstone to come forward to help them
rescue the Queen, ' a guileless Lady in the hands of that fearful Mephis-
topheles.' "
This fearful Meph'stopheles is, of course, Lord Beaconsfield.
Her Majesty Queen Victoria must be implied to occupy the posi-
tion of Gretchen. But that won't do—for where the dickens is
Doctor Faustus ?
"Another speaker, Mr. "William Crosfield (Warrington), alluded to
Lord Beaconsfield as a wolf in sheep's clothing."
Comparisons may be odious, but correct for all that. " Mephis-
topheles," and " wolf," though hard names, are intelligible, whether
merited or no. But what is the "sheep's clothing"? Lord
Beaconsfield may go clad in his Premier's uniform or in the robes
of a Peer, but neither one nor the other can be regarded as the
emblematic vesture of innocence. Let us hope, however, that the
preservation of peace will confute the cry of wolf, and that at least
the Prime-Ministerial Mephistopheles will not prove so black as he
is painted.
GOLD IN EGYPT.
Burton's Anatomy of Midian seems like to turn out anything but
an Anatomy of Melancholy. Gold, silver, copper, lead, turquoises,
alabaster, sulphur, to say nothing of antiquities from the ruins of
thirty-two ancient cities—such are some of the treasures this new
tyloses has brought back from the land of Midian, the " Ophir," it is
believed, which furnished Solomon with gold. It will go hard with
our century and its Stock Exchanges if they do not find their Solo-
mons to draw gold, if not out of Midian, out of a Midian-Explora-
tion-and-Exploitation Company, promoters — say — Baron Grant
and His Imperial Highness the Ehedive.
We see magnificent pickings, not so much from under the stony
ribs of Midian as out of the pockets of the public of all nations,
which rises to magnificent programmes and a dazzling prospect of
possible or impossible per-centages. And what a field for the pro-
spectus-drawer is this re-discovered Land of Midian ! Meantime,
whatever plucking of his own poor fellahs or the public the Khe-
dive may contemplate, all honour to Captain Burton for the pluck
which has been crowned with such a rich find as these newly dis-
covered treasures of Midian. May they not prove spoilers of the
Egyptians. They could scarce spoil the credit of their rulers!
H0ME-RULER3 IN HARNESS.
The Honourable and useful Member for Dungarvan, the other
day, visited and harangued his constituents. A number of them,
headed by a priest, went out five miles from the town to meet their
worthy representative.
"Bands also assembled, and the Member was received with much popular
rejoicing. The horses were unyoked from the carriage, and Mr. O'Donnell
was drawn, amid triumphant cheering and shouts for ' Obstruction,' through
the town."
Shouts for "Obstruction" during a triumphal progress! How
truly Hibernian! They might have been taken by opponents for
invitations to get in the way.
Horses unyoked? Had they but been asses! "Obstruction,'
considered as a political cry, approaches to a bray as nearly
perhaps as possible for any vociferation that could have been
uttered by creatures on two legs drawing a carriage.
Posts—Positive, and Comparative.
" Here stands a Post! " cries Clement Scott.
He's not the biggest blaster.
Scott, Champion Bill-sticker, we've got—
Who cries, " Here stands a Poster! "
Another Motto for Holt Russia.—Prey without ceasing.
?ol lxx1v.
0
LAW AND LICENCE.
S Censor Morum, Mr. Punch has much pleasure in
publishing; the following account of a meeting of
the Diddlesex Magistrates, held with a view to
granting Wine and Spirit Licences to certain places of public
entertainment. It shows what admirable assistants his censorship
has in the Diddlesex Bench.
On taking his seat on the Bench, the Chairman complained that
the Clerk had not touched his hat to him. He would have the
Clerk know that the Magistrates were determined that they should
he treated with respect by everybody.
The Clerk having explained that he was short-sighted, and had
not seen the Chairman, the business of the day was commenced.
Mr. Mild mat, Q,.C., said that he had the honour to appear for
Sir Raleigh CRicaTON, the proprietor of the Etherial Restaurant,
which, as the Bench might know, was connected with the Etherial
Fine-Art Gallery.
The Chairman said that the Bench knew nothing of the sort.
The Bench were not to be bullied.
Mr. Mildmat, Q, C, disavowed any intention of bullying the
Bench. He would respectfully state that Sir Raleigh had spent a
very large sum of money upon the Fine-Art Gallery.
Mr. Dogderrt (a Magistrate).—We don't want to hear anything
about that. What have we got to do with the Fine Arts ?
Mr. Mildmat, Q,,C, begged to explain. Sir Raleigh had opened
his Gallery more for the promotion of culture than as a source of
profit. The frequenters of the Gallery belonged to the most respect-
able classes, and were sure not to abuse the privileges accorded to
the Restaurant. He respectfully asked for a spirit-licence to the
Etherial Restaurant.
The Chairman- asked if the Restaurant were a public-house ?
Mr. Mildmat, Q.C.—Certainly not.
The Chairman.—Well, we are here to license public-houses.
People seem to think we are here for the convenience of the public.
I have no hesitation in saying that we are here for nothing of the
sort.
The other Magistrates heartily concurred in their Chairman's
statement.
Mr. Verges (a Magistrate).—Besides, this Sir Raleigh Crichton,
or whatever his name is, has treated us with disrespect. I won't
say anything about the private view, but-
Mr. Mildmat, Q,.C, interposed. He was sure that Sir Raleigh
had not the slightest intention of showing disrespect to the Bench.
He was quite certain that the Bench would consider the case entirely
on its own merits.
After two minutes' conversation, the licence was unanimously
refused.
Mr. Serjeant Bttzfuz then rose to ask for a spirit-licence for Mr.
Melter Moss, the proprietor of the Ptoyal and Imperial Pig-and-
Whistle Music-Hall and Casino. The learned Serjeant reminded the
Magistrates that the licence had not been applied for for the last seven
years, as Mr. Moss (through a misunderstanding) had been residing
at Dartmoor and Portland. He asked for the licence with con-
siderable confidence, as the Royal and Imperial Pig-and-Whistle
Music-Hall and Casino in years gone by had'been well known to the
police. Mr. Melter Moss had a very kind heart, and never allowed
any of his guests to depart until they had had a good sleep under
the tables, and were quite sober.
The Chairman" interrupted the learned Serjeant to inform him
that the Bench had unanimously agreed to grant Mr. Melter Moss
his licence.
MEPHISTOPHELES AND MARGARET.
At Hawarden the other day, when the delegates from the
Manchester Liberal Conference and the Welsh Liberals waited on
Mr. Gladstone,
"One of the speakers was Mr. William Mather (Salford), who in the
course of his speech asked Mr. Gladstone to come forward to help them
rescue the Queen, ' a guileless Lady in the hands of that fearful Mephis-
topheles.' "
This fearful Meph'stopheles is, of course, Lord Beaconsfield.
Her Majesty Queen Victoria must be implied to occupy the posi-
tion of Gretchen. But that won't do—for where the dickens is
Doctor Faustus ?
"Another speaker, Mr. "William Crosfield (Warrington), alluded to
Lord Beaconsfield as a wolf in sheep's clothing."
Comparisons may be odious, but correct for all that. " Mephis-
topheles," and " wolf," though hard names, are intelligible, whether
merited or no. But what is the "sheep's clothing"? Lord
Beaconsfield may go clad in his Premier's uniform or in the robes
of a Peer, but neither one nor the other can be regarded as the
emblematic vesture of innocence. Let us hope, however, that the
preservation of peace will confute the cry of wolf, and that at least
the Prime-Ministerial Mephistopheles will not prove so black as he
is painted.
GOLD IN EGYPT.
Burton's Anatomy of Midian seems like to turn out anything but
an Anatomy of Melancholy. Gold, silver, copper, lead, turquoises,
alabaster, sulphur, to say nothing of antiquities from the ruins of
thirty-two ancient cities—such are some of the treasures this new
tyloses has brought back from the land of Midian, the " Ophir," it is
believed, which furnished Solomon with gold. It will go hard with
our century and its Stock Exchanges if they do not find their Solo-
mons to draw gold, if not out of Midian, out of a Midian-Explora-
tion-and-Exploitation Company, promoters — say — Baron Grant
and His Imperial Highness the Ehedive.
We see magnificent pickings, not so much from under the stony
ribs of Midian as out of the pockets of the public of all nations,
which rises to magnificent programmes and a dazzling prospect of
possible or impossible per-centages. And what a field for the pro-
spectus-drawer is this re-discovered Land of Midian ! Meantime,
whatever plucking of his own poor fellahs or the public the Khe-
dive may contemplate, all honour to Captain Burton for the pluck
which has been crowned with such a rich find as these newly dis-
covered treasures of Midian. May they not prove spoilers of the
Egyptians. They could scarce spoil the credit of their rulers!
H0ME-RULER3 IN HARNESS.
The Honourable and useful Member for Dungarvan, the other
day, visited and harangued his constituents. A number of them,
headed by a priest, went out five miles from the town to meet their
worthy representative.
"Bands also assembled, and the Member was received with much popular
rejoicing. The horses were unyoked from the carriage, and Mr. O'Donnell
was drawn, amid triumphant cheering and shouts for ' Obstruction,' through
the town."
Shouts for "Obstruction" during a triumphal progress! How
truly Hibernian! They might have been taken by opponents for
invitations to get in the way.
Horses unyoked? Had they but been asses! "Obstruction,'
considered as a political cry, approaches to a bray as nearly
perhaps as possible for any vociferation that could have been
uttered by creatures on two legs drawing a carriage.
Posts—Positive, and Comparative.
" Here stands a Post! " cries Clement Scott.
He's not the biggest blaster.
Scott, Champion Bill-sticker, we've got—
Who cries, " Here stands a Poster! "
Another Motto for Holt Russia.—Prey without ceasing.
?ol lxx1v.
0