Punch (74.1878)

Joins 29 1378.]

289

TAPS IN THE TOWER.

A Correspondent of the Times, " Vide et Crede'f
calls attention to a process, by which the inscriptions in
the Beauchamp Tower—those historical memorials of
illustrious captives and victims—are in course of rapid
obliteration. It is performed by a series of successive
Beefeaters. The Public, to be sure, are shut off by stout
posts, and a rope, four feet from the wall. But—

"Inside this rope, from morning to night, every day of the
year, except Sunday, with ten minutes' interval between his
rounds, marches a huge Beefeater, with a short stick. With
this stick he raps, taps, strikes, and pokes the time-honoured
inscriptions, as he explains their meaning; and 1 challenge
contradiction, when I assert that in many plaoes fresh marks,
showing where the stone has been bruieed by this shameful mal-
treatment are to be seen on the very inscriptions themselves."

Gutta cavat lapidem non vi sed scepe cadendo. But the
Beefeater's raps on the carvings in the Beauchamp Tower
are forcible, as well as frequent. To put a stop to them
there is no need to abolish the Beefeater's venerable and
useful office of Showman. Tip his staff with India-rubber,
or some other soft and elastic substance. He could then
use it for the purpose of his archaeological demonstration
without defacing the inscriptions, wbich he so instruc-
tively explains. The estimate for this truly Conservative
measure would hardly require a supplementary vote.

SECOND THOUGHTS."

Priest. " Wilt thou have this Woman io thy Wedded Wife ?"
Bridegroom Elect. " Wbll, aw's Warned aw'll bev to hev Her. But aw

wad fiiYTHER HEV HER SlSlER i ! "

Prophetic Language of Flowers.

A Repobt of a Flower Show informs us that "Messrs.
Veitcec showed a new Begonia, high and stately in
growth, with a leaf tending towards the strawberry. The
plant is called, ' The Earl of Beaconsfleld.' "

Messrs. Veitch, perhaps, contemplate the probability
of having to raise their plant a step in the Peerage.
They will prove themselves Prophets, as well as Florists,
should the sequel of the Congress confirm the indication
of the leaf of their Begonia " tending towards the Straw-
berry." Then they will also, of course, have foretold a
pacific solution of the Eastern Question.

Stnonym for Secbect.—A Special Correspondent (per-
haps Irish) complains that the Congress are conducting
their proceedings in silence. Nay ; they are conducting
them in French.

UATDER ORDERS;

OR, HOW IT WORKS AT WHITEHALL.
Scene—A Council Chamber. The Chancellor of the Exchequer
discovered in the act of concluding some desultory observations
on an Irish topic. The rest of the Cabinet asleep.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer {stopping suddenly). H'm! All
off, again! [Nettled.) Well, there; that's all I've got to say on
the subject i ISM down.

Ifte Kett of the Cabinet [waking up at the cessation of his voice).
Excellent! Obvious! Capital! Very well put! Hear! hear!

rn, a h„ [.They rise, and look out their hats.

J-ne Secretary of State for the Colonies. Well, I must be sroing
I m in the middle of another volume on the Caff res. Stiff reading !—
Must get through it, you know.

,,The Secretary of State for War. Just so. And I've got to spend
the afternoon over anew facing.

First Lord of the Admiralty. And here's something about another
boiler priming at Plymouth ! It 'a a busy time for all of us.

Ihe Lord Chancellor [drily). My Lords and Gentlemen, it's a
very busy time. Without our chief we are all fairly overweighted.

rri m ii /. 7 , [They all lauqh.

Ihe Chancellor of the Exchequer [thoughtfully). Perhaps - well
then,—I suppose we adjourn ? (opens absently the early edition of
an Evening Paper.) Dear me ! What's this ? Why, here it is »
• \s,out-every word of it! [Shows the text of a celebrated " pro-
jectJ Every word of it ! What's to be done, now ?

Viscount Cranbrook. What ? Why, send orders to Berlin. This
will alter everything. Come, Gentlemen, there's not a moment to
lose. Places!

[They all resume their seats and debate hotly and earnestly for
^ee hours and a half, as to the best course to be pursued by
Her Majesty's Government under the circumstances.
The Chancellor of the Exchequer [having just drawn up and de-
spatched to the Kaiserhof a very peremptory and urgent telegram on

the subject). There ! If that doesn't lay down the course clearly for
them, language has no meaning. I've said we 're unanimous,—and
determined. It couldn't be stronger.

The Rest of the Cabinet. Capital! Well, you '11 wait for the answer ?
We 're off. [They break up into groups and go out talking volubly.

An interval of some hours, during which the Chancellor of the Ex-
chequer, left alone, rehearses the perorations of several speeches.
Eventually, reading the Evening Paper through twice, and
finishing up with the advertisements. Tie is about to leave as a
foreign telegram comes.
The Chancellor of the Exchequer [tearing it open hurriedly). At
last I Now we shall see. After all, there are eleven of us, and it
would be odd if we on the spot couldn't keep them at Berlin well
under orders ! From the chief. I thought he would reply fast
enough. Let's see. [Starts.) Eh! What's this? [reads)—

" Unanimity to hand. Bathos. Don't waste your time, but wire
how the Park is looking. Things go majestically here. Some one
has sent me a pair of purple velvet slippers. It's an ovation.
Kismet! "

[The Chancellor of the Exchequer titters a wild cry—and falls
fainting on the crumpled telegram as the Curtain descends.

Bismarck's New Beatitude.

The Times' Berlin Correspondent reports a truly happy change to
have come over Prince Bismarck :—

" Those who come near him state that he is strongly impressed with the
necessity for peace, and that after for years esteeming military triumphs th-
real glory of the Statesman, recent experience, even that of the last few days,
has shown him that the greatest men can only benefit their States by ensuring
them the blessings of peace."

Europe will be much reassured by the announcement that the
Great Chancellor has been brought to see a more excellent way than
a policy of " blood and iron." Let us hope he will realise the bea-
titude promised to the Peacemakers.