Punch (74.1878)

June 22, 1878.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHABIYAKI. m

"VITA FUMUS."

Tonal. ""Whar'll ye hae been till, TuaAL?"

Tugal. "At ta McTavishes' Funeral-"

Tonal. " An' is ta Tavish deed ?"
Tugal. " Deed is he ! ! "

Tonal. " Losh, Mon ! Eowk are ate deein' noo that never used to
dee afore ! ! "

THIELMEEE.

Deep sunk amid the silent hills,
Fed by a hundred mountain rills,

It lies asleep.
The cattle roam along its brink,
The croaking raven stoops to drink

Its waters deep.

Helvellyn lifts to heaven its crests,
Above the vale where Thirlmere rests ;

And Borrowdale.
Sends greeting o'er the lonely heights,
In clouds whose drifting cloak unites,

Lone vale to vale.

And Castle Crag towers o'er tbe scene,
And Wythburn Fells above it lean ;

The while a stream
Flows through the hills to greet the 'world,
So far away ! And mists are curled,

And white falls gleam.

Oh, mountain lake, all cold and grey!
Where silence broods, the livelong day,

In vain each hill
Stands sentinel about your shore,
To keep your waters evermore,

So dark and still.

The world has come too near, and takes
Your waters to herself, and breaks

Your silence deep.
Your mountains stand there cold and grand,
But silence dies from off the land,

And quiet sleep.

The Fighting Ship of the Future.

It seems to be a question whether the want of the
British Navy is not a vessel which shall be the smallest
possible boat carrying the greatest possible gun, capable
of knocking a hole through any thickness of armour, and
the side of any Iron-clad afloat. All my eye ? Nay,
rather like that of the lady of whom it was said that
" she had but one eye, but that one was a piercer."

The Bar-Magnet with the Greatest Power oe
Attraction.—A pretty Bar-Maid.

ECHOES EBOM ASCOT.

Mrs. Scheming Scandal. Can assure you it's true. I heard it
from a dear friend of the poor good creature. So young too! Not
exactly pretty—she paints too much. But fancy—her husband to
leave her! Oh, what a dreadful place the Divorce Court is! Much
too awfully dreadful—now isn't it ?

Mr. Daub, R.A. Why not ? Of course it ought to have gone on
the line. Nonsense, my dear Sir, these young men want putting
down. They must wait until we have left the scene. We waited
long enough, don't you know. In my opinion a very good picture
indeed—highly respectable and Scriptural!

Sub-Lieutenant Mars Barling. Great bore there's no war, don't
you know. Splendid fun for us noble sportsmen. Tell you the
truth, my dear boy, I have been jumpy ever since. And now let's
get a glass of brown sherry.

Mrs. Woodby Butterfly. Oh so nice! Yes, I'm taken in three
positions, and the Photographer says that he expects to sell as much
of me as " The Lily," don't you know, and Miss Maud Branscombe.
Oh isn't that nice!

Mr. Hercules Armstrong. Best thing in the world, my dear
fellow. Do as I do. Give up tea, coffee, milk, wine, soups,
exercise, and vegetables. For the last week I have eaten nothing
but Captain's Biscuit, And now, as it is nearly five o'clock, I must
go to bed.

The 0'Mulligan. Give up drinking water, me boy, and stick to
whiskey. How would I live without it, tell me that, Sorr,—tell me
that ?

Mr. Pump Court, Jun. Must have a little relaxation. Don't mind
backing the field for a pony for the next race. What are the odds ?

Mr. Penn Driver, Nothing like Ascot for picking up ideas. Yes,
I think I will have a little more lobster-salad. Et apres f Well,
what do you say to a cigar and a snooze ?

Mr. Punch. Bless you, my children! Enjoy yourselves while

you may. And now give me the champagne-cup, and Toby a piece
of chicken. Once more—bless you!

CURIOUS COMPOSITION.

Some explanation appears due from the author of the subjoined
notification, lately published in the Berwick Advertiser :—

WANTED, a PRECENTOR for Ladykirk: Parish Churoh.
Salary, £10 per annum. Other Offices, with a Dwelling-House, might
be combined with that of Precentor to a person having a knowledge of
Gardening, &c.—Apply to the Rev.-, Manse of Ladykirk.

Other Offices than what ? Offices other than those attached to the
dwelling-house of the Precentor ? Other Offices and another
dwelling-house P Of coxrrse, offices with a dw'ellinar-house are out-
buildings, and not employments other than the office of Precentor.
And what is to be understood by "Precentor to a person having a
knowledge of Gardening " P That can only be made indirectly to mean
the same as Precentor for Ladykirk Parish Church. If the person
having a knowledge of Gardening, &c, means the Incumbent of
Ladykirk, then, perhaps, as that Reverend Gentleman's assistant,
the Precentor wanted may, to be sure, be describable as Precentor
to him, just as anybody else in his service would. But is it possibl -
that the idea intended to be conveyed may be that the advertise
wants a Precentor for whose services he will give £10 a year, with a
house to live in, and who, if he have a knowledge of Gardening and
other matters, may combine with his Precentorship the office of
Gardener, and, besides, do odd jobs and make himself generally
useful ? But if that was meant, why was it not said P

Of course, the Reverend Gentleman whose name is above omitted
cannot have penned the above composition himself. It is possibly
an example of the consequence of leaving things—such as composing
an advertisement—to servants, and in this case, perhaps, employing
as secretary a man-of-all-work.

vol. lxxiv.

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