Punch (74.1878)

Febkuahy 2, 1878.1 PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEI. 37

generally that stocks, backboard, wholesome discipline
with, a cane or leathern thong, abstinence from food,
long and severe lessons, commencing at five, and con-
tinued through the day under close and continual
surveillance, of younger pupils by older, of both by
assistants, and of all by the Principal, strict prohibition
of frivolous amusements, and the cold water douche for
abnormal refractoriness, are all employed at my estab-
lishment. Religious instruction in the most orthodox
tenets of Calvinism is systematically combined with these
strictly educational appliances.

If your young relative is not wonderfully improved
in temper, heart, intellect, and acquirements, in two or
three years, hers must, I fear, be regarded as a pecu-
liarly hopeless case. My terms are £150 a year. Highest
references as to my respectability, genteel connections,
consistent piety, and essential fitness for the position
of instructress, guide, and friend of youth. Feeling
sure of a favourable response,

I am, Madam, Yours Obediently,

Priscilla Lovibond.

A NEAT REMINDER.

Affable Old Gent (who has just paid, but inadvertently forgotten the usual
douceur). "Not much Business doing just now, appak'ntly. '

Waiter [severely). "No, Sib. 'Seems to mk that all the Gentlemen
have left Town 1" [Old Gent recollects himself.

A DISCIPLINARIAN.

WANTED, a LADY, who is a strict disciplinarian, who will RECEIVE into
her house a YOUNG LADY, aged fifteen, backward in her studies and somewhat
refractory in temper. Most liberal terms are offered to a Lady who will superintend her
studies in English and rudimentary French, and who will enforce her commands by
corporal punishment. Address, stating terms, and kind of punishment used, to, &c.—
Daily News, Jan. 19.

The above advertisement, to judge by the number of letters Mr. Punch has
received, enclosing it with comments, has excited no common attention. It is
so refreshing, in this soft-hearted age, to find a Spartan spirit nerved to sterner
views of discipline and duty. We understand that the advertiser has had
several answers, but only one " up to sample." We subjoin it:—

Madam,

I shall have much pleasure in undertaking the congenial task of
subduing the refractory nature of the young Lady for whom you desire to
secure a wholesome course of discipline. I am assured of my complete ability
to break her rebellious temper, and to bring her whole nature into a Christian
state'of subjection. I am aware there is a remote possibility of your young
step-daughter (as I presume she is) succumbing physically under my system,
if she be of delicate organisation, or mentally, if her brain be weak; or both,
if body and mind alike be of other than hardy fibre. "Spare the rod, and
spoil the child." I take these inspired words for my rule of action. My whole
system of corporal punishment is singularly perfect, so as to avoid the vexatious
interference of the law, or the meddling officiousness of the puling philanthropy
which dreams of educating a "rebellious nature " by moral suasion, patient
love, and cheerful influences. Our ancestors were wiser. Only by stripes,
hunger, thirst, cold, and terror, can weak mental powers be strengthened, and
recalcitrant wills subdued.

I have another young orphan girl under my care at present, who is now little
better than an idiot, through the mistaken course taken in her early youth by
fond and foolish parents. I have, however, succeeded, after much trouble, in
subduing her self-willed disposition, repressing her unseemly gaiety, and
checking her silly coaxing ways. On the special adaptation of punishments to
young persons under my system I will not enter into detail, merely stating

FROM THE OTHER POINT OP VIEW.

(Dedicated, with dice respect, to the Author of "The Eusso-
2>hil," in the Pall Mall Gazette of Jan. 24 )

I am a whole-hog " Turcophil; "
Hold history and its teachings nil:
Down-trodden tribes that won't keep still

I'd stifle.

The bars of conscience 1 o'erstride,
Horror of massacre deride,
Count wrong done on the Turkish side

A trifle.

The gallant Moslem I befriend ;

Think Bulgars brutes whom stripes must mend,

And idiots all who dare defend

Such vermin.
Of Turkish Pashas' crimes make light;
And, when I soar to highest flight,
By interest's test 'twixt wrong and right

Determine.

For this I blackguard, bluster, lie,

Nur scruple to repeat a " cry "

Which, though disclaimed, 'mong fools will buy

Believers ;
I tongue-baste Muscovs black and blue ;
If they fling back my mud—vile crew 1—
Who says Thames' garbage meets its due

In Neva's ?

Mill-stone, three-inch board, and brick-wall
My vision pierces, one and all;
Of foreign plottings foul I fall,

Deep hidden:
My words as gospel flats receive,
That Ubqtjhart's come again believe,
And wonder how such steam can leave

My lid on!

Heed to my shrieks who dare refuse ?
Cosmopolite and Christian crews,
Whose craven souls into their shoes

Is smitten!
" Hammer and tongs," I bray and bawl,
Loudest of daily war-drums all,
Till Jews and Poles to me sing small—

The Briton!

Let pious humbugs prate no more ;
Brute force shall rule from sea to shore,
To Britain's coast while I woo o'er

War's Demon.
Who's Greek, Serb, Bulgar, to be free F
While Turks are trumps, on them bet we ;
Britons must own Slaves slaves should be,

Not Freemen.

Painting in Black and White.

Government by Public Opinion : When the Country
moves as I blow the trumpet.

Government by Agitation : When the Country moves
as somebody else blows the trumpet.

vol. lxxiv.

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