Punch (74.1878)

March 9, 1878.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

97

DISGUSTING FAMILIARITY.

Testy Old Gent (at his Club). " Conf-- "Why the Dickies don't you

■wipe the Bottom of the Glass before you bring it up ? Just get a
Cloth, and wipe-"

Waggish Waiter. " I didn't understand you to order dry Sherry,
Sir ? " [General titter. Old Gent rushes off, and writes to the Committee I

A GROAN" FROM THE SCHOOL-ROOM.

Deajb. Mr. Punch,

They write about the " Higher Employment of
Women." Why doesn't somebody, who wants a griev-
ance to get rid of, raise a voice for the " Higher Pay-
ment of Men "—of one unhappy and unfriended class of
men in particular, the Assistant Masters, or, as they
used to be called, " Ushers," i.e , " door-keepers," of
private Middle-Class schools ? While they were door-
keepers their salary might be sufficient for their status.
But now-a-days these quondam " door-keepers" are ex-
pected to be dormitory-keepers at night, policemen in
play-hours, scholars and teachers in school, and gentle-
men at all times. The average salary offered is £40 per
annum, for a round of duties not unfairly stated in the
following actual list of Head-Master's requirements for-
warded to a leading agent for this still legal form of the
slave-trade:—

Duties.

1. To sit in school-room and keep order after school-
hours.

2. To see the boys to bed.

3. To keep watch all night, and maintain ord«r in
bed-rooms.

4. To see the boys up in the morning.

5. To be constantly with the boys, and keep order.

G. To teach in school-hours, under direction of Head-
Master, usual English subjects, with Latin, including
CiESAR, and Greek, including Xenophon.

KB.—He must be a Gentleman, and experienced in
teaching.

I know Governesses have a good deal to put up with,
for very poor pay, sometimes. But mine is the case of a
large class of educated young men, whose work is not
over-stated in this schedule, and who are expected, like
the Vicar of Goldsmith's Deserted Village, to consider
themselves " passing rich with forty pounds a year."

Think of a Butler's or even a Curate's position and pay
in comparison with ours, to say nothing of Housekeepers or
Lady-helps. Of course I do not venture even to suggest
comparison with a skilled Artisan, who has, further, the
resource of striking, which, as we have no Union, is
forbidden to yours respectfully,

A School Slavey.

All the Difference. — England anchors before
Constantinople, Russia hankers after it.

Evidently, notions of fun differ. May not Mr. Baron's family
say of this facetious foreman, " What was fun to you was death to
us"?

Not that we are to accept implicitly this facetious skilled artisan's
who was killed by the fall of a house in the Haymarket, which rationale of the collapse. The iron columns seem to have been at
came down on the collapse of a huge pile in the course of re-con- j least as " funny " as the old sponge of a wall. A party-wall had

SOMEBODY'S BUSINESS.

From the report of the inquest on Mr. Baron, the oyster-dealer,

struction at the corner of Panton Street—like a small tradesman
who goes down in the wake of a big bankrupt—we extract the
following noteworthy passages, from the evidence of a builder's
foreman, formerly employed on the carcase of the house, not
Mr. Baton's

'The Coroner—During your foremanship did anything strike you as

been cut away. In fact when we seek for a reason why the building
fell, it is an,fimbarras des richesses. There are so many reasons.
The architect, Mr. Wimble, who ascribes the collapse to the party-
wall and the extra weight thrown on a cast-iron centre-column
which broke into four pieces, says of these precious supports :—
" The detailed drawings referred to in the specification showed that the

dangerous ?—"Well, I thought it rather funny that they should leave the old columns were to be eight inches in diameter and that the metal was to be 1|
wall, and build on the top of it. inch thick. I have since examined the columns, and found that the metal

" What do mean by ' funny' ?—The state of the brickwork. It was like a j was only half an inch thick in some parts, and in others not quite so much,
piece of sponge.

" What part of the wall was like a piece of sponge ?—Thf whole of it.

" What did you do about that ?—I merely spoke to Mr. Callum, the clerk
of the works. I said,' It looks curious to me to leave the old wall standing,
and build on the top of it.'

*******

" How much of the old wall remained ?—About 22 feet.

" And what was the height of the wall upon it ?—At the first commence-
ment, about 25 feet. The whole height of the new wall on the top of the old
one was 46 feet 6 inches.

"What was the thickness of that new wall ?—Fourteen inches.

" Did anything go at tbe top of the new wall ?—Nothing at all.

" What did it carry ?—It carried the floors of the building. It had to carry
the weight of both floors on both sides of the house.

" How were those three floors supported ? — There were wrought-iron
columns and plates.

" Is there anything else that struck you besides the bad state of the old
wall ?—It looked very funny to see the building standing on stilts.

"What do you mean by that?—Why, standing column on column.

"Can you account for the falling of the house at all?—The only thing I
can say is, that if there had been a new wall throughout, instead of building
on the old one, the building would have been there now."

and there was a corresponding thickness on the other side. Outside the
columns there were flaws, Holes had been plugged and coated with some-
thing to give an appearance of iron. There were sixteen columns in the
building, and the centre column was the worst of the lot."

But how comes it that nobody finds these things out till the
building comes to the ground ? We presume it is not the Archi-
tect's business to see that specifications are complied with. But
isn't it somebody's business ? The District Surveyor says the Act
gives him no power to inspect iron-work. One reflection remains
deeply impressed upon us by the whole inquiry. What an emi-
nently useful Act is the Metropolitan Building Act, and what a
pre-eminently useful set of officials are the Surveyors under it!

Declaration of War.

(By Our Newspaper Belligerents.)

Ws don't want to fight,

But, by jingo, if you do,
We've got the ink. we've got the pens,

And we've got the papers too !

VOL. LXXIV. K