Punch (74.1878)

Apbil 27, 1878,]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

181

IMPARTIAL.

New Curate (who wishes to know all about his Parishioners). " Then do i
understand you that your aunt is on 'sour father's side, or your
Mother's ?"

Country Lad. " Zometimes one an' zomrtimes the other, 'ceptin' when
Feyther whacks 'em both, Sir !"

COMMON SENSE AND CLOTHES.

A Case of common sense has actually occurred in the
treatment of a question concerning Ecclesiastical vest-
ments. Fact. It has been exhibited by tbe Vicar and
Churchwardens of St. Michael's, Chester Square. In
the congregation of that Church there is said to be "
considerable Evangelistic element." _ Nevertheless the
Vicar, after notice to his congregation, has taken to
preaching in a surplice, instead of a black gown. This,
as the surplice is the Canonical regulation surtout, was
clearly a rational alteration. Then, a question having
been raised as to the expediency of a similar change of
drapery for the Choristers, the Churchwardens had posi-
tively the sense to issue a Circular, calling on the
members of the congregation to fill up a printed form,
stating whether they approved or disapproved of the
proposed raiment. The issue of this uncommonly rea
sonable proceeding appears in a second Circular, ad-
dressed to the same parties, as follows:—

" The Circular sent out by the Churchwardens to all the seat
holders having resulted in a vote of two to one in favour of a
surpliced choir, the Vicar and Churchwardens feel that so deci-
sive a vote should be respected in a matter which can have no
doctrinal significance. It is hoped that the minority will
acquiesce in a change which involves no principle. Surplices
will be adopted on Easter Day. James Fleming, Vicar;
Dawson Greene and J. M. Hucklebridge, Churchwardens."

A Vicar and Churchwardens setting an example of
discretion, judgment, fair-dealing, and intelligent ideas
on the subject of vestments, deserve to be enrolled on
Mr. Punch's register of imperishable fame.

THE MISSING LINK.

Dora's a Blue, a vastly learned Blue ;

Her taste eclectic, and her creed agnostic.
Poor little Fan is of a verdant hue,

With mind scarce equal to the mild acrostic.
Dora adores dry Darwin, Huxley, Mill,

Ruskin's mellifluous prose, Rossetti's sonnets ;
Yet when she meets "dear Fan," 'tis strange that
still

Their talk is commonly of heaux and bonnets.
Dora would say she stoops to simple Fan,

But ribald cynics whisper, 'twixt their winks,
That in the kindred themes of Mode and Man,

Sundered she-sympathies find Missing Links!

ARMY SURGEONS AND SNOBS.
Dear Punch,

In the happy event of our being shortly engaged in a glorious
war, there will be a necessity for proper arrangements with regard
to the wounded. That necessity, it is to be feared, may prove a
want. There exists a difficulty in obtaining candidates for the Army
Medical Department. This difficulty is so great that it has been
proclaimed by the War Secretary. In a letter lately addressed to
the Irish College of Surgeons he invited them to account for it,
which they have done in a reply setting forth no less than ten griev-
ances of which Army Surgeons complain. These grievances are
many of them irremediable, because they'are particulars in which
the medical officer is treated as an inferior in social position to
combatant officers. Of course no complaints of this kind can be
entertained ; though there is one of them that could, and might as
well, be remedied, perhaps :—

" The frequent changes in warrants, after they have been published under
■Koyal Authority with Her Majesty's signature, and on faith in trie perma-
nency of which warrants medical officers have accepted service. This has
produced an utter want of confidence in and distrust of the Service."

. It does not answer for the War Office to allure medical officers
into the Army by representations like those by which a recruiting
sergeant induces young fellows to enlist. They can resign their com-
missions, and the revocation of warrants which have enticed them is
treatment which renders, as we find, their example a warning to
lj\ 18 taerefore advisable to keep faith with them, and that
would, be perfectly done if present regulations respecting them were
retained, and no warrant making them promises not to be kept ever
nencetorth issued any more.

Well, Sir, and then, of course, things would remain as they are,
unless something were done. The consequence would be that, in
ease ot war, our wounded would perish for want of surgical assist-
ance. Now to meet both that difficulty, and also the objection to

treating medical officers as the equals of officers and gentlemen, I
have a plan to propose which would be as effectual as it is simple.
Let a Medical Bill be enacted, with a clause in it requiring the
College of Surgeons to grant diplomas to Surgeons of sufficient
attainments for the simple practice of military surgery, apart from
any standard of general education. The work they have to do is
principally operative. Little more is requisite than that they should
be good medical carpenters. What we want is army surgeons of
the same grade as the old barber surgeons. They demand to rank
with Majors. All very well, if the Majors are to be Sergeant
Majors. Surgeons never brought up as gentlemen would readily
accept a subordinate position for moderate pay. Then, if we are to
have a brush with Russia, combatant officers will have plenty_ of
fellows quite capable of cutting off their legs and arms, but with
whom they will not be condemned to associate. The next time you
meet either the Secretary of State for War or the Prime Minister,
don't forget to mention and advocate the above proposal for supply-
ing the want of Army Surgeons, which has suggested itself to a
retired Colonel of The Old School.

P. S.—It is a great pity that there are any Medical Commissions
at all. Military and Naval Surgeons ought always to have been
Non-commissioned Officers.

A Mere Matter of Words.

Mr. Punch, Sir,

I beg to submit for consideration—I. That the difference
between St. Stephen's and San Stefano is merely an affair of words ;
and II. That the two terms may be reconciled, phonetically and
otherwise, by the abatement of a little of what Count Schouvalofe
calls " steefness " on the part of the former.

Yours apologetically,

Yorkshire Tyke.