Punch (74.1878)

288 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [June 22, 1878.

SANITARY FISHMONGERS.

_s~~ -1 ttbely a fish, din-

, k.?. v., r-^r1 S _ ner just now is

VI \ /<?''Cr~>~—-\" r1 s -, not a bad thing

Tt \ /y^~Nr ^ N - -: (llfex S> ( in its way;

• f f ..-->-^^' ^t^Bl'S tIh(^u"h' aftr

if/.'lQ^^^^^W M fining upon sal-

/ - JMjMk^ mon, trout, and
^w2>-T V p4Yi\l\ turtle, and a

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

../^^^^ ; , Jjjj** dfashionl

- and in each is

rendered palat-

able'to people who are used to it; though a novice may be startled
to hear the words, " black devil! " softly murmured in his ear, to
be followed very shortly by a whisper of red devil! "

Fish dinners, however, would soon go out of fashion if the fish
was half as stale as the stories, and the speeches, and the small talk
therewith usual. Fish which is not fresh is both noxious and nasty.
The death-rate soon would rise if provision were not taken to prevent
decaying fish from being purchased as provisions. See what is the
result of the look-out kept at Billingsgate :—

" Diseased Fish.—The Fishmongers' Company condemned 90V tons of
the fish arriving at Billingsgate Market last month. There were included in
this quantity 27,000 dabs. 30,000 gurnets, 15,700 herrings, 8,000 plaice, 28,000
•whitings, &c. : total, 92,282 fish arriving by land, and 41,195 by water."

The fish thus seized were probably decayed, and not diseased; but
if not themselves diseased, they doubtless might have caused disease
in any one who ate them. You or I might quite incautiously have
swallowed half-an-ounce or so of what composed these ninety tons,
and have thereby been compelled to pay a visit, and a guinea, to a
doctor. So whatever we may think of City Companies in general,
in regard to what they do, or don't do, for the public, let us be
thankful for the service done towards the public health by the
watchful and the worshipful Company of Fishmongers.

HOLIDAY WORK.

Caledonia, the Land of Cakes, is the land, no less, of jokes and
stories. Amongst the latter, if not also the former, there is one
related of a certain Aberdonian man of business. Having an affair
to transact with the assistance of other persons, in number exceed-
ing twelve, at a place some ten miles down the Deeside Railway, he
obtained from the booking-clerk at the station a " Pleasure Party
Ticket." To the disgust of the Station-Master it turned out that
the Excursionist was an undertaker, and his company consisted of
mourners. This anecdote, if true, may be considered characteristic
of nationality North of the Tweed; but here is a match to it derived
from a latitude very far south of that river :—■

EXCURSION SEASON, 1878.—To Let, Four-in-hand Break, carries
twenty; Pair and Single-horse Wagonettes, &c, for pleasure parties.
Terms strictly moderate.—Hearse and Mourning Coaches, with or with-
out Ostrich Feather Plumes.—Apply, &c.

This advertisement appeared one day last week in the Western
Morning News. It shows that an undertaker's view of a profes-
sional journey to a cemetery as an excursion, is not specifically
Scotch. The typical undertaker, probably, whether Scotch or
English, considers a trip of that kind a combination of business with
pleasure. _

"light come, light go."

" Music of the Future, indeed," remarked an unaesthetic concert-
monger, to a rapt Wagnerian, the other day. " Hang the Music to
come; give me the Music to 'go.'"

UNEXPECTED COINCIDENCE.

Ie crime had lately been increasing, its growth might, with appa-
rent reason, have been ascribed to the

" Consumption op Spirits.—Official returns show no signs of abatement
iu the demand for spirits. In the first quarter of this year 1878 duty was
paid on 7,668,607 gallons of home-made spirits for consumption in the United
Kingdom as a beverage. This is more by 217,273 gallons than in the corre-
sponding quarter of 1876, and more by 395,571 gallons than in that of 1877."

But, according to a report on the "Reorganisation of the Local
Prisons," which, as well as the above paragraph, appeared the other
day in the Times :—

" A small social revolution has been silently carried into effect within the
last few weeks by the operation of the Prisons Act, 1877, which took effect
from the 1st of April of the present year, and has been swiftly followed by
the closing of more than one-third of all the prisons in England and Wales."

An increased consumption of spirits coinciding with an extensive
closure of gaols seems like a more than commonly curious coincidence.
Demoralisation ought to be proportionate to drinking, but it isn't,
apparently, by the above showing, unless inversely proportionate.
But Mr. Bung must not attribute moral improvement to liquor. The
prisons closed had many of them Ion? been supernumerary. There
has not perhaps been any actual falling off of rogues and thieves.
Something like it, however, is suggested by the information that—

"Kent will lose two prisons out of four, having been deprived of three
others by the Act of 1865 ; and seven of the Welsh counties have been found
to supply such a very small number of prisoners to their gaols, that the
powers of the Act are put in force to deprive them of their gaol altogether,
and appoint a prison in an adjoining county for the combined malefactors of
the two."

Crime appears to have certainly very much decreased in Wales.
Perhaps the consumption of spirits in England and Wales has in-
creased only in England. Possibly it has decreased in Wales, owing
to the success of Temperance missionaries. Was there ever really a
time when the Welsh had a national weakness such as to justify the
alle gation that—

"Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief" ?

In comparison to the other lieges of these kingdoms, if Taffv.
was ever peculiarly given to thieving, he has now evidently become
less instead of more so. In seven Welsh counties the gaols are twice
too many for the offenders. Here is a theme for a competent bard
at the next Eisteddfodd to harp upon.

UNITED SERVICE.

Abe Her Majesty's service and that of Her Majesty's subjects
capable of combination? So it would seem from the following
announcement in the Manchester Courier : —

SELECT REGISTRY, Wellington, Salop.—Mrs. -promptly sup-
plies Shropshire SERVANTS ; Young Generals disengiged, suitable for
tradesmen's families.

Young Generals disengaged, would probably consider themselves
suitable for families of a rather more distinguished character than
those of tradesmen. Generals might, at least, expect to wear epau-
lettes. Fancy a Lieutenant-General, or a Major-General, coming
to an engagement in a tradesman's family. Imagine the gallant
officers in action, waiting at table, or cleaning boots and shoes. But
additional particulars are evidently wanted for information respect-
ing those young Generals. In the meanwhile a Registry for Servants
on which Generals are entered seems very properly styled " Select."

Pyrotechny and Politics.

A PTROTECHsric display at the Alexandra Palace the other evening
included, according to announcement, certain " Fire Portraits of
Her Majesty's Ministers." This may be regarded as rather a new
thing in fireworks; though it has long been customary for political
pyrotechnists and penmen to show up Ministers in Squibs.

a BRIG o' BBIGS.

The Dundee Tay Bridge, lately opened, is the longest in the world.
A worthy Scotch Correspondent, with characteristic readiness of
" wut," proposes it should be called the Bridge of Size.

What is the first thing to be done after an Emperor has been
shot ?

To bring out a Bullet-in—if there is one in, and you are able to
get it out.

KS~ To Cohbbspondbnts.—The Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by a

stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be kept.