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September 21, 1878.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
129
North Cowali~ ™ They that Eat
5ver so much as
r' their Denneks
alane mat Ho
asked me if aj —
B
c
a
cd
2
— o
P CO
Arrival.—3=~ - ^
London, if you : — ro "§
its people in tl= CC
their national p r.
demnation. W.= Q
House Officers =-i? i
cab, and shout 1= -|—•
take to me Leic( Er
At the Hotel.- = N ~" |
give you a bad = O ^
national periodic: / \ >■
hanging on the ' \^
lishmen happen — <o
and mock their j -
you bestow on (n /in
Swagger into th = w c
hands in your pi ™ o
_Zm £/je Street — £j
o3
— w —^ §
—— _J >
O
your rudeness \ -
and elbow the ir
you enter a sho] —
rudeness. It is =-
their hats when = ^ o
to be present on =r
o
o
O
= E
— o
it Arrow-hmds)-
SUITES TO THE SWEET.
To checkmate "Russian aggression," a mission of
rather a formidable character is on the point of de-
parture for Afghanistan. Always, ready to serve his
country, Mr. Punch begs to present the British Com-
missioner with a few phrases stutable to the occasion,
to be used in an interview with Shere Ali with the
assistance of an interpreter :—■
Conversation with a Friendly Foe or, Faithless
Friend.
Oood morning, Your Highness. I would shake hands
with you could I put down my sword and revolver.
Will you permit me to see to my luggage, which
consists entirely of heavy artillery and ammunition of all
sorts.
I shall have much pleasure in conversing with you
about the weather after I have quartered my escort
(which is made up of an army corps or two) upon the
inhabitants of your capital.
Would it amuse you to see me carry your palace by
storm ?
In honour of the renewal of our relations, shall we
have a grand sham fight with real cartridges ?
Merely as a little practical joke, how would you like
to be dethroned ?
I hope you will consider it capital fun if I find it
necessary just to make a slight change in the reigning
dynasty.
Shall we have a friendly cup of tea together while
we arrange a small treaty, binding you and your de-
scendants hand and foot for two or three thousand
years ?
Can I help you at all in your plans by carrying you
away in chains to Calcutta F
After you have been so kind as to send back the
Russian Ambassador in a cage to St. Petersburg, I will
just tread upon your neck as a proof of my good inten-
tions.
Really I must thank you very much for all your
courtesy. Pray accept these books, the British Army
and Navy Lists. You will find them very useful works
of reference. And now 1 will call out my rather
numerous escort, and bid you adieu—perhaps au revoir !
Miltonic Meditation {by a looker-on at lawn-tennis).
—" They also serve who only stand and wait."
will
own
coria
Eng-
Tiime,
mder
mtes.
your
© | ou.
n I rouid
" fifth-
rding
arms.
' me of
r- !0\vs,
> adies
O
11 '
f the
bear
>wds,
If
irked
le off
ppen
and
covered. It is absurd to pay any regard to English peculiarities.
Ptemember that Englishmen are "Rosbifs" and " Plum-puddins,"
and treat them accordingly.
At the Theatres.—Take care that your costume shall be an affront
to the audience. Lounge in your Stall, and talk in French to your
friend, to the discomfort of your English neighbours. If you don't
understand English, let everybody in the house into the secret of
your ignorance. If the audience seem to be amused and to be enjoy-
ing themselves, stand up in your place and laugh scornfully at them.
If you get bored, leave your Stall with as much noise as possible,
and shout rather louder than the Actors as you quit the auditorium.
Seeing the Sights.—Settle it in your own mind that France is a
thousand times finer than England, and make odious comparisons
everywhere. If you enter a place of worship, treat it as if it were a
raree-show. Appear on Sundays at St. Andrew's, or All Saints,
Margaret Street, during the sermon, armed with a guide-book, and
inspect the church with the same nonchalance that you would bestow
upon the treasures of the South Kensington Museum. Visit Green-
wich Hospital, and if the Picture Gallery is full of Englishmen, be
careful to roar with laughter at any representation of a defeat of
your fellow-countrymen, the French. If you find yourself near any
of the educated class of Britons, talk loudly of I ontenoy and the
failure of the English to take the Redan in the Crimea. Make a
joke about the Death of Kelson, and seize a suitable opportunity of
showing your contempt for the Union Jack.
Departure.—Bully the porters, and push your way through your
English fellow-travellers to your own carriage. Until you set your
foot once more upon French ground, behave like a savage. On
reaching France, throw off your offensive Bohemianism, and resume
your usual condition of quiet respectability. If you carry out the
above programme in its entirety without receiving a thrashing,
congratulate yourself upon your good luck, which, however, will
not be much greater than that enjoyed by some of the English
who imitate in Paris the deportment you will have made your own
in London.
129
North Cowali~ ™ They that Eat
5ver so much as
r' their Denneks
alane mat Ho
asked me if aj —
B
c
a
cd
2
— o
P CO
Arrival.—3=~ - ^
London, if you : — ro "§
its people in tl= CC
their national p r.
demnation. W.= Q
House Officers =-i? i
cab, and shout 1= -|—•
take to me Leic( Er
At the Hotel.- = N ~" |
give you a bad = O ^
national periodic: / \ >■
hanging on the ' \^
lishmen happen — <o
and mock their j -
you bestow on (n /in
Swagger into th = w c
hands in your pi ™ o
_Zm £/je Street — £j
o3
— w —^ §
—— _J >
O
your rudeness \ -
and elbow the ir
you enter a sho] —
rudeness. It is =-
their hats when = ^ o
to be present on =r
o
o
O
= E
— o
it Arrow-hmds)-
SUITES TO THE SWEET.
To checkmate "Russian aggression," a mission of
rather a formidable character is on the point of de-
parture for Afghanistan. Always, ready to serve his
country, Mr. Punch begs to present the British Com-
missioner with a few phrases stutable to the occasion,
to be used in an interview with Shere Ali with the
assistance of an interpreter :—■
Conversation with a Friendly Foe or, Faithless
Friend.
Oood morning, Your Highness. I would shake hands
with you could I put down my sword and revolver.
Will you permit me to see to my luggage, which
consists entirely of heavy artillery and ammunition of all
sorts.
I shall have much pleasure in conversing with you
about the weather after I have quartered my escort
(which is made up of an army corps or two) upon the
inhabitants of your capital.
Would it amuse you to see me carry your palace by
storm ?
In honour of the renewal of our relations, shall we
have a grand sham fight with real cartridges ?
Merely as a little practical joke, how would you like
to be dethroned ?
I hope you will consider it capital fun if I find it
necessary just to make a slight change in the reigning
dynasty.
Shall we have a friendly cup of tea together while
we arrange a small treaty, binding you and your de-
scendants hand and foot for two or three thousand
years ?
Can I help you at all in your plans by carrying you
away in chains to Calcutta F
After you have been so kind as to send back the
Russian Ambassador in a cage to St. Petersburg, I will
just tread upon your neck as a proof of my good inten-
tions.
Really I must thank you very much for all your
courtesy. Pray accept these books, the British Army
and Navy Lists. You will find them very useful works
of reference. And now 1 will call out my rather
numerous escort, and bid you adieu—perhaps au revoir !
Miltonic Meditation {by a looker-on at lawn-tennis).
—" They also serve who only stand and wait."
will
own
coria
Eng-
Tiime,
mder
mtes.
your
© | ou.
n I rouid
" fifth-
rding
arms.
' me of
r- !0\vs,
> adies
O
11 '
f the
bear
>wds,
If
irked
le off
ppen
and
covered. It is absurd to pay any regard to English peculiarities.
Ptemember that Englishmen are "Rosbifs" and " Plum-puddins,"
and treat them accordingly.
At the Theatres.—Take care that your costume shall be an affront
to the audience. Lounge in your Stall, and talk in French to your
friend, to the discomfort of your English neighbours. If you don't
understand English, let everybody in the house into the secret of
your ignorance. If the audience seem to be amused and to be enjoy-
ing themselves, stand up in your place and laugh scornfully at them.
If you get bored, leave your Stall with as much noise as possible,
and shout rather louder than the Actors as you quit the auditorium.
Seeing the Sights.—Settle it in your own mind that France is a
thousand times finer than England, and make odious comparisons
everywhere. If you enter a place of worship, treat it as if it were a
raree-show. Appear on Sundays at St. Andrew's, or All Saints,
Margaret Street, during the sermon, armed with a guide-book, and
inspect the church with the same nonchalance that you would bestow
upon the treasures of the South Kensington Museum. Visit Green-
wich Hospital, and if the Picture Gallery is full of Englishmen, be
careful to roar with laughter at any representation of a defeat of
your fellow-countrymen, the French. If you find yourself near any
of the educated class of Britons, talk loudly of I ontenoy and the
failure of the English to take the Redan in the Crimea. Make a
joke about the Death of Kelson, and seize a suitable opportunity of
showing your contempt for the Union Jack.
Departure.—Bully the porters, and push your way through your
English fellow-travellers to your own carriage. Until you set your
foot once more upon French ground, behave like a savage. On
reaching France, throw off your offensive Bohemianism, and resume
your usual condition of quiet respectability. If you carry out the
above programme in its entirety without receiving a thrashing,
congratulate yourself upon your good luck, which, however, will
not be much greater than that enjoyed by some of the English
who imitate in Paris the deportment you will have made your own
in London.