Punch: Punch (76.1879)

Apbil 5, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 153

COX TO GREW.

eady now! Steady
now! All in with
sweeping stroke!

Dash away! Flash
away! Eight good
oars keeping
stroke.

Ding-dong! Swing
along! Eight blue
blades below the

waves

Hissing back, kiss-
ing back, gurg-
ling, laughing go
the waves!
Gliding on, sliding
on, see the willows
flitting by!
On the banks, in
crowded ranks,
see the dear girls
sitting by !
Duty calls! Beauty
calls! Make the
good ship leap
along!
With forward
spring and back-
ward swing at six-
teen-arm - power,
sweep along!

Heads aloft, caps all doffed, pull yourselves toge;lur,jnen i

With a flash, on we dash! Even with your feather, men!

Well done, Stroke ! Bravo, Stroke! Call upon 'em cheerily!

One good spurt won't much hurt, though backs and arms ache wearily.

Water rough ? Sure enough ! What's a little wetting, though ?

Stiffish breeze ? Better ease. If she gets upsetting though ?

Let her go ! Better go to Davy's locker pluckily !

Never funk ! If she 's sunk, we can all swim, luckily !

Nearer now, clearer now looms the goal in front of us !

Hear 'em there, cheering there ! Show 'em pluck's the wont of us !

Where's our foe ? There they go—creeping up with steady stroke.

Cut 'em out! Shut 'em out! For a spurt fee ready, Stroke !

One good spin, and we win ! Ours the hard-fought victory !

The pistol-crack is wafting back message valedictory !

Ended race ! Splendid race ! Hardly half a length to spare—

Stem and stem—us and them—fairly matched in strength, the pair !

WEAPONS OF WAR.

From some recent controversy in some of the news-
papers respecting the swords supplied to the British
Cavalry, it appears that the steel scabbards of those
weapons are so ill made that the edge of any good sword
would very soon get blunted by one of them through the
mere act of drawing the weapon and sheathing it. But
this, if, as further appears, the British Cavalry sword
will not cut, of course does not signify. For that sword
a steel scabbard is as good as any other could be. In
the meanwhile, the sword of the British Cavalry soldier
seems to be of about as much use to him in action as if
it were a cudgel or a shillelagh. Improved swords and
scabbards as well seem to be needed in order that our
bold troopers may smite their enemies with the edge of
the sword more effectually than they could with the
back of it.

EGYPTIAN BONDS AND BONDSMEN.

The peasantry of the land of Egypt appear to be in
a state of destitution perfectly disgraceful to their Mis-
ruler. Extortion, leaving them scarcely the means of
subsistence, threatens to reduce the "Nile Population"
to nil—at least, Ex Nilo nihil fit. Such Nihilism is even
worse than that of the Russians. Talk of the flesh-pots
of Egypt, when these poor Egyptian Fellahs have scarcely
bread to eat, much less flesh! The peasantry of Egypt
are in suffering, in more senses than one, under Egyptian
bondage. The modern Egyptians may envy their fore-
fathers beneath whose Pharaohs it was the Jews, and not
the Egyptians themselves, who groaned under Fgyptian
bondage. The Egyptians of to-day, for the interest of
the Jews, who rule the money-market, are in bitter
bondage to their own Pharaoh.

A Close Shaver.

From: a North Country paper we extract the following
advertisement, from one who evidently knows how to
move with the age, and is determined to cut his chins
according to his times :—

Notice.—Important REDUCTION of 50 per cent, in SHAVING.

TO all who are suffering through the present Depression of
Trade, and are wishful to shave twice where they only
shaved once, the above reduction will he made by-, Hair-
dresser, Todmorden.

CIVIL AND MILITAEY.

Lord Chelmsford, before entering on the Zulu "campaign,"
published a handy little pamphlet for the information of his officers
and men, in which he gave rules for conducting hostilities in
Africa. From the desponding and doleful tone of some of his
recent despatches, his Lordship's retirement from his command
seems not an impossible contingency. It would be a pity if his
Lordship should carry out this intention till he has appended an
additional chapter to his instructive and (when followed) no doubt
useful brochure: something to this effect :—

Charter Last.—How to insure a Defeat, and how to behave

under it.

Having carefully perused and mastered the above rules for suc-
cessfully engaging the Zulus, all that now remains will be delibe-
rately to march in their teeth.

Knowing that a strongly-fortified camp is the key and nucleus of
defence against this vigilant and active enemy, the commanding
officer should quietly move off with the bulk of his force, leaving
the tents unentrenched, and the waggons unparked "in laager."
He may, at the same time, send verbal orders that the camp is to be
defended.

If the enemy presents himself, he cannot do wrong to follow him
up. It will be time enough when the enemy proves himself a Will-
o'-the-Wisp, whose object has been to mislead and draw away the
opposing force, to treat him accordingly.

While advancing, he had better not weaken his force by detaching
scouting or reconnaissance parties, and should turn a deaf ear to
all such disquieting reports as that firing is going on in the direc-
tion of the camp he has left behind him.

_ There will be no harm if, in order to show his sense of the responsi-
bility of his position, he, later in the day, order one of his Staff to
go to the top of a hill with a telescope, and look towards the camp.

He will, of course, be satisfied by the assurance of the Staff officer
" that he thinks it's all right."

If late in the evening he sees reasons to suspect that the enemy
have been playing him a trick, as savages will, his best course will
probably be to fall back on his camp, and should he find the camp
destroyed, the stores plundered, and its defenders slaughtered to a
man, it will be his duty to put up with this extremely disagreeable
state of things with all the equanimity he can command.

Now is the time for extreme caution. Should there be reason to
conclude that the enemy is moving off, and that he must be encum-
bered with spoil, the best plan will be to let him pass unmolested.

On the other hand, should he come across a handful of men who
have held a position of the utmost importance against overwhelming
odds for along winter's night, he may safely "thank them very
much." .

After this, he should lose no time in instituting a, strict Ofhcial
Inquiry how the mischief has come about. Should it be proved by
"supplementary testimony," (furnished by officers of his personal
staff,) that the Commander-in-Chief is not responsible, and that
somebody else has been to blame, all the better for the Commander-
in-Chief, and all the worse for somebody else.

Having brought matters to this point, he will stand aside and wait
for events.

Should the Colonists chafe, and the indignant British Lion growl,
he may suggest that an officer of rank should be sent out imme-
diately to assist him, and, if need be, to take his place. He may at
the same time remember that for a very long time he has not been
at all well. Lastly, should the growl of the British Lion get so loud
as to be annoying, if he feels that more responsibility is being
thrown upon him than he can bear, there will be nothing for it but
to pack up his cocked hat and writing-desk and come home !

Brothers in Adversity.—Chelmsford et Feere.