Punch (79.1880)

July 10, 1880.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

TO-DAY AND TO-MORROW.

(Educational Tragedy—in active rehearsal. j

ACT I.

Scene—A British Domestic Hearth, on the first day of the Midsum-
mer holidays. Fond and Proud Father and Sensible and
Ambitious Mother discovered inspecting half-yearly School report
with rapture.

Fond and Proud Father (referring to lisf). See, my dear, this is
indeed gratifying. Oar little Sophonisba is doing us credit at last!
Here she is first in European Political History, Higher Mathematics,
Philosophy, Obscure Philology, and the Applied Sciences; while I
see that her Experimental Chemistry, German, Spanish, Dead
Languages, Art Needlework, and Bulgarian Poetry, are all highly
commended. She is a deserving little thing, and I will reward her
handsomely. She shall have half-a-crown. [Prepares it.

Sensible and Ambitious Mother {taking list). Yes, I see, Adolphus,
that she has shown a decided application this term, which may be
regarded as satisfactory ; but the metaphysical instruction seems
weak. Think what disgrace the child will reflect on both of us if,
when she goes into Society in after years, she shows her ignorance
of the very first principles of Agnosticism! I must write to the
Principal about this; also as to her beginning Counter-point and
Arabic. But here she is.

Enter Alarming Prodigy, glibly, with a heap of useless second-hand
literature, bound in half calf.

Alarming Prodigy. Here are the Prizes—nine. And if I could
only have got somebody to wake me an hour earlier, and have got to
work every morning at half-past three instead of half-past four, I
would have got five more. I will, next term.

Fond and Proud Father {caressing her). Brave and sensible girl!
Remember, my poppet, that nothing i3 done without effort. It is
the early worm who—meets the early bird—or rather, it is the early
bird who eats the early worm. But both bird and worm do well to
get up early. Eh ?

Alarming Prodigy. Yes, Papa dear ; but I will not only get up
early, I will go to bed late. 1 ’m sure I can easily get an extra half
hour after eleven.

Sensible and Ambitious Mother. And an excellent time for really
good head-work. You cannot do too much, my child, at the present

moment. This is the seed time. A little extra labour now, and in

after-life you will find-Dear me! what’s the matter with the

child ? [Alarming Prodigy turns white, and reels giddily to a chair.

Alarming Prodigy {faintly). Oh! it’s nothing, Mother! A
queer sort of feeling in my head sometimes. I had it once at
Christmas; and-

Sensible and Ambitious Mother. I remember ! My dear, the fact
is, vou ’re much better at school!

Fond and Proud Father {jocosely). Much ! And now let us hear
our Poppet’s holiday task!

[Educational conversation continues cheerfully [with the aid of
sal volatile), as Curtain descends.

ACT II.

But, no. Mr. Punch will stop here. A young girl of eighteen,
broken in health, with all her powers impaired for life, dragginguut
a weary existence in an invalid’s room, is sad material to work with.
And such as it is—and it is very sad indeed—he prefers leaving it to
the imagination of the many Fathers and Mothers in England,
whom, according to a recent correspondence, it appears just now
very seriously to concern.

Sally on Sally.

Said ’Aery- the Cad went to see Sally B.,

And was watching her serpentine curves from the Gallery—

“ There’s some row ’bout her ‘ screw,’ but, as fur as I see.

She is all screw herself, or at least she’s all Sal-awry !”

Q,uoth Charlie, “ Not bad ; but I ain’t to be done ;

When a pal’s on the joke, I must be in.the rally.

To ’ang round 8. B. the Nobs find sech prime fun,

That 1 think we may say the new Swell game’s ‘ Haunt Sally ’ ! "

The Sunday School Centenary.

We all know the questionable proverb that Reformed Rakes
make the best husbands. Going back a century, and looking at
what our street-Arabs were a hundred years ago, and what they are
now—though still bad enough Heaven and the other place both.

know—in one case at least we feel that
has been the best husbandry.

Raikes’ Reformation n

Yol. 79.

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