DOI issue:
August 14, 1880
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17764#0072
84
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,
[August 14, 1880.
Ishmael (Tory) stood in fixed “ surprise.”
“Sorrow” brought tears to Abdiel’s (Liberal) eyes;
Official “Indignation” had to cope
With Capital's “Despair,” and Labour’s augry Hope.”
Progress was reported, though little had been made, and the House
adjourned at half-past one.
Wednesday {Commons.)—The House assembled at twelve o’clock!
went into Committee on the Employers’ Liability Bill, and lengthy
discussion of the doctrine of “ Common Employment,” which “ doc-
trine ” was canvassed with as much heat as though it had been a
theological one, warring interests being to the full as cantankerous
■ as contending creeds.
Oh! Capital’s unselfish zeal for Labour lovingly forthshines,
W'hen “Mines” (for “Railways”) lay down rules, or “ Kail ways ” fashion
laws (for “ Mines.”)
Moral of the Sitting, which was suspended at six o’clock.
Thursday (Lords).—Half an hour’s sitting; Epping Forest Bill,
and Wild Birds Protection Law Amendment Bill, pushed fairly
through. Little cry and a fair share of wool.
{Commons.)—Torture by question liberally (and Conservatively)
applied to Government. In reply to an insidious inquiry from Mr.
Parnell, Mr. Forster intimated that, the loss of the Disturbance
Bill notwithstanding, the Government must support the law in
Ireland, but hoped the landlords would be moderate in their appeals
to it.
Personal explanations between Mr. Bourke and Sir Charles Dilke
(on behalf of the Premier) concerning the alleged jealousy of the
Powers, notably France, on the subject of the Anglo- Turkish Con-
vention, and the improper suppression of evidence of that jealousy
by the late Government. Like most personal explanations, it seemed
to need—explaining.
Lord Hartington detailed certain proposed arrangements for the
conduct of the business of the House, against which everybody, of
course, felt it his duty (and pleasure) incontineatly to protest. Mr.
Forster pathetically complained that the time of the House was
being wasted ! ! ! Forster, my lad, you lack humour! The motto of
the Obstructives (Irish and Ishmaelitish) is “Never allow to be
postponed till to-morrow what you can wrangle over to-day.”
Then more disinterested dialectics on the Employers’ Liability Bill,
unit short, to Lord R. Churchill’s great disgust, by what he called
“a mere Irish row,” the discussion, namely on Mr. McCarthy’s
Motion for the reconstruction—in the interest of the Irish Tenant-
Farmers—of the Irish Land Commission, which Motion was lost, on
•division, by 74.
Friday {Lords).—The Peers talked for two hours, or so, about
Acoustics and reporting. They objected to having a reporter wheeled
about on the floor of their House to catch their Lordships’ speeches.
If no alteration is made, Reporters will be provided with ear-
trumpets.
(Commons, Morning.)— Lord R. Churchill interrogative (c'est Id
■son metier) about his clients, the Turks, and Concerted Coercion.
Sir C. Dilice thought it would be wrong—and rude—to consider
prematurely the “improbable hypothesis” that the former would
render the latter necessary. Mr. Ashmead-Bartlett (another
incarnate Note of Interrogation) raised the old Bogey of “Millions
•of Indian Mahomedans” !!! which Lord Hartington, in the most
cold-blooded manner, straightway floored.
{Evening.)—Mr. Arnold moved for relaxation of the restrictions
on the Importation of Foreign Cattle. Mr. Jacob Bright thought
the Motion “wise.” Mr. Chaplin swore it was “wanton.” Mr.
Mundella, on behalf of the Government, said “ non possumus”
•earning thereby Sir Staeford Northcote’s deep gratitude, and the
Motion was negatived by 194 to 20.
Then the House (to avoid the supplementary purgatory of a
•Saturday Sitting on “ contentious business ”) resumed discussion of
the Employers’ Liability Bill, and wound up its week’s work at
twenty-five minutes past three.
Ah me ! if our Senators, ancient and young,
AVere less short of temper, and less long of tongue
Sang Mr. Punch, M.P, for England, a3 he strolled home in the cool
•of the morning.
HOPPY-GO-LUCKY.
Capital tidings from the Kentish grounds !
The hoxis are coming on “by leaps and bounds.”
GOOD OUT OF EVIL.
A paragraph headed *1 Disappearance of the Skylark” is troub-
ling ornithologists. This will be a dreary world with no Larks !
NOTES FROM THE DIARY OF A CITY WAITER.
This is how I come for
to be a Waiter.
My Father was a Green
Grocer, and wen the
Swells as we served with
TV egetables for their
II inner tables giv a
Party, Father went as a
Waiter or a Butler, as
the case might be. Wen
I seed him drest in his
lovely soot of Black, and
his beautieful white
Choker, looking for all
the world like a Bishop
without his apron, my
hart was fird with Am-
bishun, and I said to
myself, if it is so grand
to be a meer Ammytoor
Waiter, what must it be
to be a reglar Perfes-
shunal! So a Waiter I
become, always having
before me the possi-
bilerty of one day amer-
ging, like a crisliss from
a grubb or wisy wersy,
into a full blone Foot-
man to a Sheriff or even a Lord Mare ! But this is a vishun not to
be reelised!
The fust thing as struck me when I began my offishal dooties, was
the wonderfool amount of confedens shown to us by everyboddy as
we waited on. The most secret hax, the most dangerus sentimens,
in the most outspokenest langwidge, was talked of freely before
us, as if we was all Def! My friend Brown, who’s a bit of a
Sinnic, says it’s all Contemp ; I say it’s all Confedense, and nothink
therefore shall flow from my pen and ink, that the most fastigious
Warden can objeck to. I’m a true Conservatif. I want no change,
and never wants to give none.
How can I help being a Conservatif, wen every week I hears all
the loyal Toasts given four or five times, with almost teers of effec-
shun and revrense F Then comes the Army and the Navy and the
Wollunteers, and don’t the Chairman, whoever he may be, pour out
the melted butter pretty thick ? Praps tho the man above all men as
I continuelly hears spoken ighest of is, “ my Right Honerrable trend
the Lord Mare,” as the Chairmen all calls him. What .wonderful
chaps them Lord Mares all seems to he ! Every one is alius better
than the last one, so what they will sum day kum to, who can say ?
Brown says, in his snearing way, “Wot a rum lot them must
have bin as is past and gone ! ”
Wot a life of luxery and pride is a Lord Mare’s! Fancy reel
Turtel Soup five nights a week! The idear is too gorgeous to realise.
I loves my City Press, and why ? Becos every Saturday it gives
a bootiful account of all the grand City dinners, which takes up
neerly harf the paper, and direcly it cums, my eldest boy, who is
gitting a cappital Eddicashun at somebody else’s expence, expounds
it all to me, and I am abel to say to almost all on ’em, “ My children,
I were there! ”
It’s always orful impressive to hear the profound silence while the
Turtel is rapidly disappeering. Then the Aldermen arks one another,
“How were the Turtel to-night?” “Not quite equal to last
night’s,” or “ Simply perfect,” as the case may be. As far as Turtel
goes, AldermaLiacks 1 call ’em.
I herd one wuthy Alderman say the other night at the Gold-
smiths, ‘ ‘ What a merciful dispensashun of Providens it is, that
Turtel and Wenson should be as wholesome as they are scrumpshus ! ”
{Signed) Robert.
A PRACTICAL SUGGESTION.
Any Measure for the Relief of Irish Distress must be unsatisfac-
tory unless it contains sufficient provisions.
ANTIQUITY OF BICYCLING.
The Members of the Bicycle Club always date their letters “B.C.”
This will astonish future Antiquarians.
A Mechanical Organ.—An Artificial Nose.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,
[August 14, 1880.
Ishmael (Tory) stood in fixed “ surprise.”
“Sorrow” brought tears to Abdiel’s (Liberal) eyes;
Official “Indignation” had to cope
With Capital's “Despair,” and Labour’s augry Hope.”
Progress was reported, though little had been made, and the House
adjourned at half-past one.
Wednesday {Commons.)—The House assembled at twelve o’clock!
went into Committee on the Employers’ Liability Bill, and lengthy
discussion of the doctrine of “ Common Employment,” which “ doc-
trine ” was canvassed with as much heat as though it had been a
theological one, warring interests being to the full as cantankerous
■ as contending creeds.
Oh! Capital’s unselfish zeal for Labour lovingly forthshines,
W'hen “Mines” (for “Railways”) lay down rules, or “ Kail ways ” fashion
laws (for “ Mines.”)
Moral of the Sitting, which was suspended at six o’clock.
Thursday (Lords).—Half an hour’s sitting; Epping Forest Bill,
and Wild Birds Protection Law Amendment Bill, pushed fairly
through. Little cry and a fair share of wool.
{Commons.)—Torture by question liberally (and Conservatively)
applied to Government. In reply to an insidious inquiry from Mr.
Parnell, Mr. Forster intimated that, the loss of the Disturbance
Bill notwithstanding, the Government must support the law in
Ireland, but hoped the landlords would be moderate in their appeals
to it.
Personal explanations between Mr. Bourke and Sir Charles Dilke
(on behalf of the Premier) concerning the alleged jealousy of the
Powers, notably France, on the subject of the Anglo- Turkish Con-
vention, and the improper suppression of evidence of that jealousy
by the late Government. Like most personal explanations, it seemed
to need—explaining.
Lord Hartington detailed certain proposed arrangements for the
conduct of the business of the House, against which everybody, of
course, felt it his duty (and pleasure) incontineatly to protest. Mr.
Forster pathetically complained that the time of the House was
being wasted ! ! ! Forster, my lad, you lack humour! The motto of
the Obstructives (Irish and Ishmaelitish) is “Never allow to be
postponed till to-morrow what you can wrangle over to-day.”
Then more disinterested dialectics on the Employers’ Liability Bill,
unit short, to Lord R. Churchill’s great disgust, by what he called
“a mere Irish row,” the discussion, namely on Mr. McCarthy’s
Motion for the reconstruction—in the interest of the Irish Tenant-
Farmers—of the Irish Land Commission, which Motion was lost, on
•division, by 74.
Friday {Lords).—The Peers talked for two hours, or so, about
Acoustics and reporting. They objected to having a reporter wheeled
about on the floor of their House to catch their Lordships’ speeches.
If no alteration is made, Reporters will be provided with ear-
trumpets.
(Commons, Morning.)— Lord R. Churchill interrogative (c'est Id
■son metier) about his clients, the Turks, and Concerted Coercion.
Sir C. Dilice thought it would be wrong—and rude—to consider
prematurely the “improbable hypothesis” that the former would
render the latter necessary. Mr. Ashmead-Bartlett (another
incarnate Note of Interrogation) raised the old Bogey of “Millions
•of Indian Mahomedans” !!! which Lord Hartington, in the most
cold-blooded manner, straightway floored.
{Evening.)—Mr. Arnold moved for relaxation of the restrictions
on the Importation of Foreign Cattle. Mr. Jacob Bright thought
the Motion “wise.” Mr. Chaplin swore it was “wanton.” Mr.
Mundella, on behalf of the Government, said “ non possumus”
•earning thereby Sir Staeford Northcote’s deep gratitude, and the
Motion was negatived by 194 to 20.
Then the House (to avoid the supplementary purgatory of a
•Saturday Sitting on “ contentious business ”) resumed discussion of
the Employers’ Liability Bill, and wound up its week’s work at
twenty-five minutes past three.
Ah me ! if our Senators, ancient and young,
AVere less short of temper, and less long of tongue
Sang Mr. Punch, M.P, for England, a3 he strolled home in the cool
•of the morning.
HOPPY-GO-LUCKY.
Capital tidings from the Kentish grounds !
The hoxis are coming on “by leaps and bounds.”
GOOD OUT OF EVIL.
A paragraph headed *1 Disappearance of the Skylark” is troub-
ling ornithologists. This will be a dreary world with no Larks !
NOTES FROM THE DIARY OF A CITY WAITER.
This is how I come for
to be a Waiter.
My Father was a Green
Grocer, and wen the
Swells as we served with
TV egetables for their
II inner tables giv a
Party, Father went as a
Waiter or a Butler, as
the case might be. Wen
I seed him drest in his
lovely soot of Black, and
his beautieful white
Choker, looking for all
the world like a Bishop
without his apron, my
hart was fird with Am-
bishun, and I said to
myself, if it is so grand
to be a meer Ammytoor
Waiter, what must it be
to be a reglar Perfes-
shunal! So a Waiter I
become, always having
before me the possi-
bilerty of one day amer-
ging, like a crisliss from
a grubb or wisy wersy,
into a full blone Foot-
man to a Sheriff or even a Lord Mare ! But this is a vishun not to
be reelised!
The fust thing as struck me when I began my offishal dooties, was
the wonderfool amount of confedens shown to us by everyboddy as
we waited on. The most secret hax, the most dangerus sentimens,
in the most outspokenest langwidge, was talked of freely before
us, as if we was all Def! My friend Brown, who’s a bit of a
Sinnic, says it’s all Contemp ; I say it’s all Confedense, and nothink
therefore shall flow from my pen and ink, that the most fastigious
Warden can objeck to. I’m a true Conservatif. I want no change,
and never wants to give none.
How can I help being a Conservatif, wen every week I hears all
the loyal Toasts given four or five times, with almost teers of effec-
shun and revrense F Then comes the Army and the Navy and the
Wollunteers, and don’t the Chairman, whoever he may be, pour out
the melted butter pretty thick ? Praps tho the man above all men as
I continuelly hears spoken ighest of is, “ my Right Honerrable trend
the Lord Mare,” as the Chairmen all calls him. What .wonderful
chaps them Lord Mares all seems to he ! Every one is alius better
than the last one, so what they will sum day kum to, who can say ?
Brown says, in his snearing way, “Wot a rum lot them must
have bin as is past and gone ! ”
Wot a life of luxery and pride is a Lord Mare’s! Fancy reel
Turtel Soup five nights a week! The idear is too gorgeous to realise.
I loves my City Press, and why ? Becos every Saturday it gives
a bootiful account of all the grand City dinners, which takes up
neerly harf the paper, and direcly it cums, my eldest boy, who is
gitting a cappital Eddicashun at somebody else’s expence, expounds
it all to me, and I am abel to say to almost all on ’em, “ My children,
I were there! ”
It’s always orful impressive to hear the profound silence while the
Turtel is rapidly disappeering. Then the Aldermen arks one another,
“How were the Turtel to-night?” “Not quite equal to last
night’s,” or “ Simply perfect,” as the case may be. As far as Turtel
goes, AldermaLiacks 1 call ’em.
I herd one wuthy Alderman say the other night at the Gold-
smiths, ‘ ‘ What a merciful dispensashun of Providens it is, that
Turtel and Wenson should be as wholesome as they are scrumpshus ! ”
{Signed) Robert.
A PRACTICAL SUGGESTION.
Any Measure for the Relief of Irish Distress must be unsatisfac-
tory unless it contains sufficient provisions.
ANTIQUITY OF BICYCLING.
The Members of the Bicycle Club always date their letters “B.C.”
This will astonish future Antiquarians.
A Mechanical Organ.—An Artificial Nose.