DOI issue:
August 14, 1880
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17764#0078
70
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 14, 1880.
ONE FOR HIM.
Sporting Undo. “When you gallop your Pony like that, Chaklie, you should take him on the Turf.”
Charlie. “But, Uncle Bob,—I heard Papa say he hopes I’ll never go on the Turf,—like you.”
PERVERSE PACTS AND FIGURES.
Mr. Punch,
Really, Sir, tlie conductors of newspapers should be very
careful bow they promote or permit the publication of figures capable
of being quoted by the enemies of Progress, for their own purpose,
against the Social Reformers now so earnestly endeavouring to en-
force parental legislation for the curtailment of freedom of indulg-
ence in those personal inclinations of which, being offensively opposed
to their own, they desire the repression as, above all things, requisite
for the general good.
In an account of the Bank Holiday at the Alexandra Palace, your
principal contemporary, the other day, related certain “particulars
respecting the demand on the refreshment departments; ” amongst
them these:—
“ There were consumed 720 dozen of spirits, 470 dozen wine, 1600 dozen
bottles of ale, 750 bottles of stout, 9,000 dozen lemonade, ginger-beer, soda-
water, and seltzer-water, 350 barrels of draught ale, 30,000 cup3 of tea and
coffee, and 12,600 one-shilling teas.”
The enumeration then goes on to eatables; but what I protest
against is the foregoing statement as to drinkables, in connection
with what follows :—■
“ The total number of visitors, as already reported, was 107,852. It is veiy
satisfactory to state that there was not a single instance of disorderly conduct
on the part of the immense concourse.”
Satisfactory, indeed! Quite the reverse, Sir. According to the
quantities of intoxicating liquors above given, a very large propor-
tion of their consumers ought to have been drunk and disorderly,
whereas they were no such thing. Moreover, with an option be-
tween intoxicating and non-intoxicating liquors, the holiday people
at the Alexandra Palace ought by no means to have.partaken of the
latter in comparison with the former at the foregoing rates, which
represent Personal Option as having, in effect, all the advantage
which we contend can only be derived from Local Option. This is
not the way to speed the crusade against the liquor traffic, and to
demonstrate the necessity for closing restaurants on Sunday.
I have the honour of boasting myself to be, Sir, vour humble
Servant, an uncompromising member of the United Kingdom Alliance,
and a zealous out-and-out Good Templar.
P.S.—I trust you will impartially print the preceding protest,
although your name is synonymous with a beverage I wish abolished
by Act of Parliament.
PUNCH TO THE AUSTRALIAN CRICKETERS.
Australian lads, ye ’re a leathering lot,
Your team has no “ tail,” and seems proof against “ rot ” l
Your batsmen a capital average tot!
Your bowlers are commonly well on the spot!
Our “ cracks ” seem all catching it awfully hot,
(Nine runs in two innings “the Champion ” got!)
Yorkshire you “ seumfished,” now Gloucester you ?ve “ shot.”
You have licked us all round, and the prospect is not
An encouraging one to the Briton or Scot,
And—drinking your health—Mr. Punch would ask, “ What!
Can cricket in England be going to pot ? ” ^
[Mr. P. sigheth, and solaceth himself with a “ deep deep
draught ’ of Iced Hatfield.
Puzzle Advertisement.
Extract from the “ Marriages ” in the Times of July 30: —
“On the 28th July, at St. Mary’s, Putney, by the Hon. and Eev. Robert
Henley, M.A., Catherine Theodora, eldest daughter of Robert H.
Dahl, Esq., of Morden Lodge, Putney.”
Query—Where was the Young Man ?
Pairing.—For birds in Spring, and Members of Parliament gene,
rally in the Autumn.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [August 14, 1880.
ONE FOR HIM.
Sporting Undo. “When you gallop your Pony like that, Chaklie, you should take him on the Turf.”
Charlie. “But, Uncle Bob,—I heard Papa say he hopes I’ll never go on the Turf,—like you.”
PERVERSE PACTS AND FIGURES.
Mr. Punch,
Really, Sir, tlie conductors of newspapers should be very
careful bow they promote or permit the publication of figures capable
of being quoted by the enemies of Progress, for their own purpose,
against the Social Reformers now so earnestly endeavouring to en-
force parental legislation for the curtailment of freedom of indulg-
ence in those personal inclinations of which, being offensively opposed
to their own, they desire the repression as, above all things, requisite
for the general good.
In an account of the Bank Holiday at the Alexandra Palace, your
principal contemporary, the other day, related certain “particulars
respecting the demand on the refreshment departments; ” amongst
them these:—
“ There were consumed 720 dozen of spirits, 470 dozen wine, 1600 dozen
bottles of ale, 750 bottles of stout, 9,000 dozen lemonade, ginger-beer, soda-
water, and seltzer-water, 350 barrels of draught ale, 30,000 cup3 of tea and
coffee, and 12,600 one-shilling teas.”
The enumeration then goes on to eatables; but what I protest
against is the foregoing statement as to drinkables, in connection
with what follows :—■
“ The total number of visitors, as already reported, was 107,852. It is veiy
satisfactory to state that there was not a single instance of disorderly conduct
on the part of the immense concourse.”
Satisfactory, indeed! Quite the reverse, Sir. According to the
quantities of intoxicating liquors above given, a very large propor-
tion of their consumers ought to have been drunk and disorderly,
whereas they were no such thing. Moreover, with an option be-
tween intoxicating and non-intoxicating liquors, the holiday people
at the Alexandra Palace ought by no means to have.partaken of the
latter in comparison with the former at the foregoing rates, which
represent Personal Option as having, in effect, all the advantage
which we contend can only be derived from Local Option. This is
not the way to speed the crusade against the liquor traffic, and to
demonstrate the necessity for closing restaurants on Sunday.
I have the honour of boasting myself to be, Sir, vour humble
Servant, an uncompromising member of the United Kingdom Alliance,
and a zealous out-and-out Good Templar.
P.S.—I trust you will impartially print the preceding protest,
although your name is synonymous with a beverage I wish abolished
by Act of Parliament.
PUNCH TO THE AUSTRALIAN CRICKETERS.
Australian lads, ye ’re a leathering lot,
Your team has no “ tail,” and seems proof against “ rot ” l
Your batsmen a capital average tot!
Your bowlers are commonly well on the spot!
Our “ cracks ” seem all catching it awfully hot,
(Nine runs in two innings “the Champion ” got!)
Yorkshire you “ seumfished,” now Gloucester you ?ve “ shot.”
You have licked us all round, and the prospect is not
An encouraging one to the Briton or Scot,
And—drinking your health—Mr. Punch would ask, “ What!
Can cricket in England be going to pot ? ” ^
[Mr. P. sigheth, and solaceth himself with a “ deep deep
draught ’ of Iced Hatfield.
Puzzle Advertisement.
Extract from the “ Marriages ” in the Times of July 30: —
“On the 28th July, at St. Mary’s, Putney, by the Hon. and Eev. Robert
Henley, M.A., Catherine Theodora, eldest daughter of Robert H.
Dahl, Esq., of Morden Lodge, Putney.”
Query—Where was the Young Man ?
Pairing.—For birds in Spring, and Members of Parliament gene,
rally in the Autumn.