Punch (79.1880)

110 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 11, 1880.

One Saturday morning last May, a Cabman, not too well versed in
the ways of London, determined to drive bis empty cab from tbe
centre of tbe Strand, to meet bis grandmother at tbe King’s Cross
Station. He tried Bedford Street, and found it blocked with carrots;
be tried Southampton Street, and found it blocked with turnip-tops;
be tried Exeter Street, and found it blocked with cauliflowers ; and
be tried Burleigh Street, and found it blocked with geraniums.
Looking up Wellington Street, be thought be saw an opening through
a forest of cabbage- and basket-waggons. Tilting against one of the
latter, be brought an avalanche of strawberry-baskets on bis bead,
and nearly lost a wheel. Recovering from this, be tried to get
through Bow Street, but found an impassable crowd round tbe
prison-van of a popular murderer, as well as a barricade of coster-
mongers’ barrows. With great patience and perseverance be passed
at last safely through these obstacles. In Enaell Street be was de-
layed by a little prize-fight; and when be reached Gower Street be
found the roadway a little difficult. A gas-pipe bad exploded, a
water-pipe bad burst, and tbe Vestry were repairing part of tbe
highway. He turned down Woburn (or Gee-Woburn) Place, to
enter Gordon (or Trap-Cab Square), but the gate-keeper bad gone to
one of bis three daily lunches. On tbe gate-keeper’s return, tbe
cabman was refused admission. His cab was empty. Two trucks,
a pig, a dray, a waggon, two calves, a donkey, and a tradesman’s
cart were also sent back, not coming within tbe Duke of Mudeord’s
patronising regulations.

Tbe Cabman was ingenious. He gave a small boy twopence to get
inside tbe cab, and then applied again with this important passenger.
He was admitted. Before be got half through Gordon (or Cab-Trap)
Square, tbe boy jumped out of the cab, and ran away. Tbe Cabman
was helpless, and looked for a passenger. There was not one to be
seen. He drove to tbe Gordon Street Ducal barrier, and was re-
pulsed ; he drove to tbe Taviton Street Ducal barrier with the same
result; and so on to tbe Endsleigb Street and Upper Woburn Place
Ducal barriers. He got off tbe Mudford Estate on to tbe Flint-
Skinners’ Estate, and was refused a passage on any terms at Burton
Crescent. He became bewildered, wandered in bis route, and tried,
for no particular reason, to get into Mecklenburg Square by way of
Heatbeote Street. He was not _ going to any particular bouse, and
was kept outside like tbe Peri. A few sheep, pigs, horned cattle,
carts, and drays were playing tbe parts of other Peris, and were
referred to 50 Geo. 3, cap. 170. He got on to tbe Doughty or Tich-
borne Estate, but as be was not going to tbe bouse of a subscriber to
tbe gate-keeper’s salary, be was thrust back. He wandered again,
and found himself face to face with tbe London University barrier
at the end of Gower Street, maintained to provide artificial quiet for
a tenth-rate hospital. Turning, bewildered, from this imita-
tion Ducal barrier, be got, somehow, into tbe Tottenham Court
Road. He bad lost bis grandmother, and tired bis horse. He
plunged desperately into a refreshment-house. It was not a Coffee-
palace.

THE BEADLE!

OR,

THE LATEST CHRONICLE OF SMALL-BEERJESTER.

BY

ANTHONY DOLLOP.

CHAPTER XIV.

Another Love Scene.

“ What an afternoon! ” said Morleena to herself as she entered
her sister’s boudoir. She was staying with tbe Arcbbeacon and bis
wife, who bad not yet returned from Mrs. Dowdie’s party.

She looked out of window at tbe sun setting, and she wondered
whether, if she bad a partner to set to, she would blush as deeply as
tbe sun. And who was to be her partner, after all F Not John
Bounce—be was dismissed ; not Mr. Mattix, that was clear. Had
not Mrs. Arcbbeacon whispered in her ear that'Mr. Arable was
most eligible? Did not Mr. Arable bold tbe Precentorsbip and
Pereentorsbip which her father, in consequence of tbe agitation set
on foot by the Penny Prometheus and John Bounce, bad been com-
pelled to resign? Was not this an inducement? Well; and if
Morleena chose to take this view of tbe situation, who can blame
her ? Not I, for one, most assuredly.

She was aroused from her reverie by a step on the hearth-rug.

“ Don’t let me disturb you,” said Mr. Arable.

“ Not in tbe least,” she replied, vaguely, for she was conscious at
that minute that be was disturbing her.

Then it seemed as if they bad nothing further to say ; and so he
stood twiddling his fingers on the hearth-rug, while she continued
looking out of window at tbe sunset.

Presently be asked her,

“ Have you ever seen a ghost ? ”

“ Never—to my knowledge,” was her answer.

Then he nervously made one with his pocket-handkerchief, and
moved cautiously up towards her, working the puppet with bis
fingers, and causing it to perform various exaggerated actions.

“ Do you know what it is doing now ? ” he asked, bashfully.

“No. What?”

“ He is making love.”

She did not dare ask to whom, so he only told her, as he came
from behind tbe fire-screen where be bad been bidden, that it was a
very old-fashioned amusemenL
“ Do you mean making love is old-fashioned ? ” she inquired.
“Yes,” answered Mr. Arable, gently laughing; “and the
pocket-handkerchief puppet, too.”

“Ah!” returned Morleena, gently; “I like everything old-
fashioned.”

“So do I,” returned Mr. Arable. And then he begged her
pardon for stepping on her dress, and she replied that it was of no
consequence. Then he walked up and down the room irresolutely;
and as she gazed out on the sun, she felt tear after tear slowly
coursing down her face.

Mr. Arable was restless. He executed a few steps of a hornpipe
on the hearth-rug, and then performed the first half of the menuet de