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October 16, 1880.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

177

Mr. Bumptious, Q. C. Do you think I am deaf, Mr.
Ballot P

Mr. Box. It was not a loan ! Now, be very careful!
—was it, or was it not, a loan ?

Witness. No, it wasn’t alone, because there were some
other sums with it.

Mr. Ballot. Even at the risk of offending the Chief
Commissioner, I must congratulate my friend on the
admirable manner in which he has condacted this
examination.

Mr. Bumptious, Q. C. But you have offended the
Chief Commissioner.

Mr. Box. And I don’t want your congratulations.
Keep them for yourself; they must he rather scarce with
you.

Mr. Ballot. I would ask the Chief Commissioner
whether that was the language for one gentleman to use
to another F

Mr. Bumptious, Q.C. When I hear one gentleman
use that language to another gentleman, I will let the
persons engaged in this case know. Are you going on ?

Mr. Box. Now then, Mr. Slime, what did you receive
from the Conservative Member ?

Witness. A little over five hundred pounds.

Mr. Box. Five hundred pounds! And a very nice
sum too.

Mr. Ballot. If my learned friend is going to give us
his opinions on arithmetic, we shalL be here for ever.

Mr. Box. I will not be put down by the envious
carpings of an ignorant mind. Now what did you do
with that money ?

Witness. I spent it in beer.

Mr. Bumptious, Q. C. I will not stand this any
longer! Do you mean to say on your oath, Mr. Slime,
that you have had seven hundred pounds’ worth of beer
in a public-house ?

Witness. Not in one public-house, hut several.

Mr. Bumptious, Q. C. Several ? How many ?

Witness. Twenty-twe, Sir.

Mr. Bumptious, Q.C. Twenty-two. Twenty-two
times seven hundred is naught naught, and seven times
two is,—what is seven times two ?—oh, fourteen, and
carry one, fifteen. You declare, on your oath, that you
have drunk beer to the value of fifteen thousand four
hundred pounds ?

Witness. I hadn’t a drop. I gave some to the Conser-
vative public-houses, and some to the Liberal, for the
voters.

Mr. Ballot. I You may step down, Sir, you may step

Mr. Box. ) down.

Mr. Bumptious, Q. C. You may do nothing of the kind,
Sir. And I should like to know who is the Chief
Commissioner here—I, or you two. How came it, Mr.
Slime, you took money from both sides F

Witness. I knew the town well, Sir, don’t you know F

Mr. Bumptious, Q. C. How do I know F I never saw
you or your town before. You have nothing to say,
Gentlemen, I hope.

Mr. Ballot. As a matter of logic-

Mr. Box. I am sure we don’t want to hear my learned
friend chop logic.

Mr. Bumptious, Q.C. No, nor logic chop. And that
reminds me that my chop will be overdone if I listen to
you fellows talking any longer. I am going to lunch.
The Court is adjourned. I want some refreshment.

[Exit Mr. Bumptious, Q,.C.

Mr. Box. Refreshments! And what of refreshers,
Ballot, my boy F

Mr. Ballot. Likely to last, Box—likely to last. And
we had better lunch, too. Where’s the best place.

[Exeunt omnes.

(Thirty days, passed as the above, elapse.)

Mr. Bumptious, Q.C., Mr. Ballot, and Mr. Box, tbe
Commissioners appointed to inquire into tbe circum-
stances of tbe Briborougb Election, bave reported that
gross and corrupt bribery prevailed upon both sides.—
Morning Papers.

‘ DISTURBANCE ! ”

Country Banker {to shaky Customer). “ Are you aware, Mb. Soolivan, that
your Account is overdrawn a Hundred or so ? ”

Soolivan. “ Cerrtainly I am, Sir. Don’t bother me about such thrieles !
I don’t go howling about the Country when you’ve a Hundred or so oe
mine ! Your information is superfluous either way ! Good morning,
Sir ! ”

A FELLER IN KENSINGTON G ARDENS.

In discharging the two offices of First Lord of the Treasury and Chan-
cellor of the Exchequer as well, Mr. Gladstone obviously resembles a performer
at a Circus riding a pair of horses. That is as much work as can be expected of
any Statesman. It would hardly he possible even for our Premier to ride, as
it were, three horses at once. Otherwise, it were to be wished that Mr. Glad-
stone had also undertaken the Chief Commissionership of Works. Then he
would not have sanctioned or suffered any subordinate indiscriminately to fell
about a thousand magnificent trees that were lately growing near the Round
Pond in Kensington Gardens, teste “ T. C. F.” in the Times. The comparatively
few trees out of all that number that required to be removed, because. they
were decayed or damaged, he could have dealt with himself in person sufficiently
well, during intervals of recreation, by the occasional exercise of his abilities in
tbe capacity of an amateur woodman. As such he would have cut down only
those trees which, by their rottenness, were typical of political and social abuses.
That Woodman would, of course, have spared all those other trees—the sound
and healthy timber corresponding in condition to our truly valuable and vener-
able institutions, which William, as sincerely as anybody, desires to keep
standing. __ *

A PEN NIGH FOR HIS THOUGHTS.

The Marquis d’Ivry, a contemporary tells us, is just completing another
Opera, “the libretto of which is from his own pen.” What a clever pen ! Why
doesn’t Dr. Arthur Sullivan buy a dozen of’em F

Oh! Oh!

Tennent is an Irish name. Did any one ever hear of
anO’TennentP There’s very often a Left Tenant, who
might call himself the Owe Landlord. The O’Landlord
seems a very popular title just now.

suggestion.

Why not make the New Law Courts into a Hospital for Memorial Obstruction
Sufferers ? Then the figures on the pedestal might represent “ Patients on a
Monument ”—only not smiling.
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