DOI Heft:
October 16, 1880
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17764#0188
180
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 16, 1880.
THE BEADLE!
THE LATEST CHRONICLE OF SMALL-BEERJESTER.
ANTHONY DOLLOP.
CHAPTER, XIX.
Conclusion'.
txr tale is now done, and it only remains for ns
to pull the threads together, and say farewell
to our readers.
The Archbishop of Canterbury happening to
visit the Westminster Vivarium one even-
ing, saw Canon Mattix going through
some hoops, flying on the trapeze, and
hanging from the roof by a cord. He did
not wait to witness the performance of
Zazzeglia flying from the Canon. He
had seen quite enough for him ; and re-
turning to the shades of Lambeth Palace,
his Grace at once wrote out the following
mem.:—“ Canon Mattix last seen hang-
ing on to a slack wire. No more rope.
Mattix suspended.”
As for Bishop Dowdie, he
was followed by his wife
through the provinces, and
though he tried to secrete
himself inside the big drum
which was on the platform,
he was unable to elude her
vigilance. The scandal, how-
ever, was too much for Small-
Beerj ester ; and partly owing
to his wife’s influence, and
still more to the generally
expressed wish to get this
excellent lady out of the
country, the Bishop accepted
a Chaplaincy on the Guinea Coast, where the fees are never less
than one pound one.
Mr. Arable makes a capital Bishop, and Morleena appears de-
lighted at being his wife. What her real sentiments on the subject
may be, it is impossible to ascertain, and, at the end of a novel, need-
less to inquire. The sorrows, sins, and virtues of our heroes and
heroines are your delight, my public ! Nothing is so difficult as to
finish well. ’Tis true of a novelist’s work to say.
“ Nothing in his work became him like the leaving of it.’’
And if some critic who can cut this up will only cut this finish
down, I shall be obliged to him. But I don’t see my way ; and so,
having told you about most of my characters, I will simply add that
Mr. Simony Simpler still lives happily in the cathedral town,
playing the imaginary Hebrew harp every night; that Sir Isaac
Allpheeze was never paid his bill in full, and often comes down to
Small-Beerjester in the hopes of getting some of his fees, but at
present, as the Aged Card-Sharpers still keep up their practice at
the Jeremy Deedler’s Hospital, it is Sir Isaac who comes back out of
pocket and out of spirits,
leaving Mr. Simpler all the
better for his visit. The
Overwaytes go on much the
same, and have a row every
night. Once Dr. Overwayte
playfully pretended he was
rehearsing the last Scene in
Othello; but Mrs. Over-
wayte, jumping up quickly,
brought the pillow down on
his head with such a thump
as made him sue for pardon,
and promise never to try the
same amusement again.
Of Mr. John Bounce I
have already spoken. Suf-
fice it to add that after his
decease the office to which
he had succeeded after the
abdication of Mr. Simpler,
was abolished by special Act
of Parliament, which at one
swoop brought to an end
THE BEADLE OF SMALL-BEERJESTER.
LE SPORTMAN.
As sung by Alphonse with terrific applause at various English Country
Houses.
I dearly love Britannique
sport—
J'aime beaucoup your
crusty port;
Parfaitement I can stalk
zee fox—
I am first-rate to fist le
boxe.
I ont zee faisan, poach zee
hare,
At steeplechase, I drive a
pair;
I play zee crickets very
well,
And drink your portare-
biere—pellel!
0 yesse! I climb your
gay polo,
1 back your odds, quite
comme ilfaut:
So “mine your eye,” I
say, “ ole chaps,”
Ven I put on my handi-
caps !
I am a yotman, brave you
know,
Your fourhand yot I often
row;
I scull your tandem very
quick,
Your skiff I drive, just
like a brick
I paint zee badger, box zee cock—
I ride zee ’ounds like one o’clock:
I learn to reef zee shandy-gaff,
I love zee foaming aff-and-afi!
0 yesse ! I shoot, I ride, I row,
1 bawl out, “ Well pull! Tallio!
0 yoicks! Dis is zee time o’ day,
No eel-taps! Bravoo! Ipp-ooray ! ! ”
ROD V. QUOD.
To the Rite Onnerable Sir William Harcourt, Secretairy of
State for the Ome Department.—Onner’d Sir :—
As the Parient of a uncommon wicious Child I am appy to say I
fully approves of yure ideer of orderin wot yer calls jewvenal
offenders, insted of being Quodded, to be wel whipt by a Bohy with
a Birch Rodd. But I begs to state I don’t no ways appruve of the
notion, weather you as that hallso in view or not, of infliction of a
fine to be Levy’d by distress on the Goods of the unappy Parient.
I ham quite agreable to anny amount of birchin as may be neces-
sairy for to kepe my Orfspring Out of the Paths of Wice. But me
1 1 . H. A X* 1’ ■„ „„ ^ -(fit ^ r* T r-1 TT T ^ 4 4-r» V m V» "f L Cs TT O F L
_avidge Dorg. I can get
can’t get rid of the Kidd, so the 2 don’t nohow go upon all 4’s. Wen
the Missus had twins, we was foced to keep both on ’em of which
this here bad un is the surwivor wus luck, and her Faverit in course,
but now it won’t be no use for her to think to bullyragg the Pleace-
man wot will be sentenced to charstize im for thievin or doin
mischief.
In course nobody won’t give anythink for a good-for-nothink Boy,
but if you could put me up to eny way of getting im orf my Ands,
you would wery much oblidge, Onner’d Sir, your most ohegient
umbel Sarvant to Comand wot they calls a Prolytaryian, and my
name it is Sam Cadman.
Muggins's Mews, Mickelmus Day.
guy’s hospital.
Head Nurse—Miss-Management. “Remember, remember the
Fifth of November,” and let difliculties be settled before that
date.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[October 16, 1880.
THE BEADLE!
THE LATEST CHRONICLE OF SMALL-BEERJESTER.
ANTHONY DOLLOP.
CHAPTER, XIX.
Conclusion'.
txr tale is now done, and it only remains for ns
to pull the threads together, and say farewell
to our readers.
The Archbishop of Canterbury happening to
visit the Westminster Vivarium one even-
ing, saw Canon Mattix going through
some hoops, flying on the trapeze, and
hanging from the roof by a cord. He did
not wait to witness the performance of
Zazzeglia flying from the Canon. He
had seen quite enough for him ; and re-
turning to the shades of Lambeth Palace,
his Grace at once wrote out the following
mem.:—“ Canon Mattix last seen hang-
ing on to a slack wire. No more rope.
Mattix suspended.”
As for Bishop Dowdie, he
was followed by his wife
through the provinces, and
though he tried to secrete
himself inside the big drum
which was on the platform,
he was unable to elude her
vigilance. The scandal, how-
ever, was too much for Small-
Beerj ester ; and partly owing
to his wife’s influence, and
still more to the generally
expressed wish to get this
excellent lady out of the
country, the Bishop accepted
a Chaplaincy on the Guinea Coast, where the fees are never less
than one pound one.
Mr. Arable makes a capital Bishop, and Morleena appears de-
lighted at being his wife. What her real sentiments on the subject
may be, it is impossible to ascertain, and, at the end of a novel, need-
less to inquire. The sorrows, sins, and virtues of our heroes and
heroines are your delight, my public ! Nothing is so difficult as to
finish well. ’Tis true of a novelist’s work to say.
“ Nothing in his work became him like the leaving of it.’’
And if some critic who can cut this up will only cut this finish
down, I shall be obliged to him. But I don’t see my way ; and so,
having told you about most of my characters, I will simply add that
Mr. Simony Simpler still lives happily in the cathedral town,
playing the imaginary Hebrew harp every night; that Sir Isaac
Allpheeze was never paid his bill in full, and often comes down to
Small-Beerjester in the hopes of getting some of his fees, but at
present, as the Aged Card-Sharpers still keep up their practice at
the Jeremy Deedler’s Hospital, it is Sir Isaac who comes back out of
pocket and out of spirits,
leaving Mr. Simpler all the
better for his visit. The
Overwaytes go on much the
same, and have a row every
night. Once Dr. Overwayte
playfully pretended he was
rehearsing the last Scene in
Othello; but Mrs. Over-
wayte, jumping up quickly,
brought the pillow down on
his head with such a thump
as made him sue for pardon,
and promise never to try the
same amusement again.
Of Mr. John Bounce I
have already spoken. Suf-
fice it to add that after his
decease the office to which
he had succeeded after the
abdication of Mr. Simpler,
was abolished by special Act
of Parliament, which at one
swoop brought to an end
THE BEADLE OF SMALL-BEERJESTER.
LE SPORTMAN.
As sung by Alphonse with terrific applause at various English Country
Houses.
I dearly love Britannique
sport—
J'aime beaucoup your
crusty port;
Parfaitement I can stalk
zee fox—
I am first-rate to fist le
boxe.
I ont zee faisan, poach zee
hare,
At steeplechase, I drive a
pair;
I play zee crickets very
well,
And drink your portare-
biere—pellel!
0 yesse! I climb your
gay polo,
1 back your odds, quite
comme ilfaut:
So “mine your eye,” I
say, “ ole chaps,”
Ven I put on my handi-
caps !
I am a yotman, brave you
know,
Your fourhand yot I often
row;
I scull your tandem very
quick,
Your skiff I drive, just
like a brick
I paint zee badger, box zee cock—
I ride zee ’ounds like one o’clock:
I learn to reef zee shandy-gaff,
I love zee foaming aff-and-afi!
0 yesse ! I shoot, I ride, I row,
1 bawl out, “ Well pull! Tallio!
0 yoicks! Dis is zee time o’ day,
No eel-taps! Bravoo! Ipp-ooray ! ! ”
ROD V. QUOD.
To the Rite Onnerable Sir William Harcourt, Secretairy of
State for the Ome Department.—Onner’d Sir :—
As the Parient of a uncommon wicious Child I am appy to say I
fully approves of yure ideer of orderin wot yer calls jewvenal
offenders, insted of being Quodded, to be wel whipt by a Bohy with
a Birch Rodd. But I begs to state I don’t no ways appruve of the
notion, weather you as that hallso in view or not, of infliction of a
fine to be Levy’d by distress on the Goods of the unappy Parient.
I ham quite agreable to anny amount of birchin as may be neces-
sairy for to kepe my Orfspring Out of the Paths of Wice. But me
1 1 . H. A X* 1’ ■„ „„ ^ -(fit ^ r* T r-1 TT T ^ 4 4-r» V m V» "f L Cs TT O F L
_avidge Dorg. I can get
can’t get rid of the Kidd, so the 2 don’t nohow go upon all 4’s. Wen
the Missus had twins, we was foced to keep both on ’em of which
this here bad un is the surwivor wus luck, and her Faverit in course,
but now it won’t be no use for her to think to bullyragg the Pleace-
man wot will be sentenced to charstize im for thievin or doin
mischief.
In course nobody won’t give anythink for a good-for-nothink Boy,
but if you could put me up to eny way of getting im orf my Ands,
you would wery much oblidge, Onner’d Sir, your most ohegient
umbel Sarvant to Comand wot they calls a Prolytaryian, and my
name it is Sam Cadman.
Muggins's Mews, Mickelmus Day.
guy’s hospital.
Head Nurse—Miss-Management. “Remember, remember the
Fifth of November,” and let difliculties be settled before that
date.